Not buying off of Registry...

CheetoLady161 · October 2011

this is awful & selfsh..

but why put a registry of items together of things that you WANT and NEED if no one is going to buy off of it? My Family (Mom, Dad, Bro & Sis) refuse to look @my registry to see what I asked for. Last night, Sister told me her & Brother were going to go shopping for the baby shower, I txt'd her back saying we were registered @Target & Babies R Us & there was plenty to choose from (bc no one has bought us anything from our registry, *yet*-Baby shower is in 2 wks) She said "Blaaah".. and left it at that..

Im just sitting here wondering if anyone else has this problem w/their family and/or friends! ---not buying from the registry. I understand there are going to be some things I recieve that I didn't ask for--but, at least look at it!!!

melszum · October 2011

I have had one baby shower and I have another this weekend but for the first one I checked the registry every day and nothing was being bought. Then I got to the shower and there was stuff bought from my registry. People went out the day of the shower and bought it. Most ppl bought one thing off my registry and gave me other little things like clothes, socks, towels, and baby wash that was not on the registry. Its stuff I will def. use though. I am planning on returning a few things like towels and washcloths that I was given a ton of though. We'll see what happens at the shower this weekend though.

CamJack mom · October 2011

You sound like a spoiled BRAT!!!!

People don't have to buy you anything, and if they don't feel like looking at a registry that is their prerogative. It is your responsibility to provide for your baby and the fact that you are whining because "they didn't buy what i wanted them to" is ridiculous. Grow up!

JennyLiz75 · October 2011

blaaaah is right!

People will get you what they want...just be thankful someone is giving you something!

darkengel4 · October 2011

i do with MIL. She wants to buy us our travel system...DH told her that the one we picked out is on our BRU registry. She said BRU is too expensive and will find a different one somewhere else. He argued with her about it for 3 days. She finally looked at the registry and said it liked it and will get that one for us from there. Now were on the baby monitor....We picked out the Sony baby monitor b/c we did the research and found it best for our needs and it was given a "A" rating. She wants to get us the one she got my SIL b/c in her words "it lights up and the volume stays loud if you need it to". We looked that up and found it had a "D" rating. Now DH is arguing with her about that. Its rather annoying

SpitFire23 · October 2011

I don't think this sounds selfish, or "bratty" at all. No one ever said that they weren't greatful for the gifts they recieved or that they did not think/know it was their responsibility to supply the baby with what they need.

I spent, as I'm sure you did too, a lot of time researching and asking opinions of experienced Mom's for the products that would work BEST for us. That being said.. it's a lot of work to then take that (hypothetical) set of monitors that were not what's going to work for you back to the store and exchange them when you're this pregnant. Why not, if you want to get the parents-to-be monitors, get them the ones they want??

Again, I'm sure we are ALL very greatful for ANY gift we recieve. Another reason to make a registry, so you don't get 50 bibs and 45 blankets! Makes life simpler for everyone.

zoeyandsummersmom · October 2011

Yes, it is quite annoying. Not to be ungrateful or a brat but it is. My inlaws friends are getting together to spend a lot of money on a personalized toy chest for us. As nice as it may be, I would much rather have the necessities off our registry than some decorative piece. You need to just be graqcious and accept what is given to you - then return as needed.

My other pet peeve is people buying 6-9 month sized winter clothes. When DD is 6-9 months it is going to be summer time! As always with gifts, it is the thought that counts.

HisKonstantine · October 2011

I can understand people not buying from the registry. But in a perfect world, I'd like it if someone would maybe use my registry as a reference to see what my style is and go from there. That way they would be making an attempt to get something for me that I might like and they enjoyed picking out rather than just going to get whatever they feel like.

My mom tried to explain it to me that registries are really more of a "this generation" kind of thing. 30 years ago, there was no such thing and it was actually very rude to make a list of things that you expected people to buy. Some 'older' (and I use that word very loosely) people may still not be used to the idea of registries.

So just try to relax and enjoy your shower when it comes. Worse comes to worse, you can return what you don't want and buy whatever you do want.

cutcopypaste · October 2011

I see where you're coming from. Most people, even though they don't admit it, are thinking the same thing. I know when I go to a wedding/baby shower I always buy off the registry or give a gift card for where they are registered because I know that's what they would want. My thinking on that is why on earth would I buy something that I know they aren't going to like/use that much when I have a whole list of things they really do want/need? I would assume most people think the same way but that's really not the case so you kind of have to accept it for what it is, the things you do get off the registry will really help but most of it you will end up buying yourself.

Rosie24 · October 2011

SpitFire23:

I don't think this sounds selfish, or "bratty" at all. No one ever said that they weren't greatful for the gifts they recieved or that they did not think/know it was their responsibility to supply the baby with what they need.

I spent, as I'm sure you did too, a lot of time researching and asking opinions of experienced Mom's for the products that would work BEST for us. That being said.. it's a lot of work to then take that (hypothetical) set of monitors that were not what's going to work for you back to the store and exchange them when you're this pregnant. Why not, if you want to get the parents-to-be monitors, get them the ones they want??

Again, I'm sure we are ALL very greatful for ANY gift we recieve. Another reason to make a registry, so you don't get 50 bibs and 45 blankets! Makes life simpler for everyone.

Totally agree with all this. Doesn't sound bratty at all to me either.

GoldenPeaches · October 2011

I was just grateful to get ANY gift. Somebody is going out of their way to go to the store, spend money on your LO, wrap the gift, and spend an afternoon to bring it to your shower--complaining the gift isn't up to your standards is pretty crappy.

Honestly, I was really happy to get a bunch of cute outfits. I am too practical (cheap?) to buy nice clothes for LO. I'd rather fulfill the basic needs myself and be gifted the cute outfits.

karaknr · October 2011

CamJack mom:
You sound like a spoiled BRAT!!!!

People don't have to buy you anything, and if they don't feel like looking at a registry that is their prerogative. It is your responsibility to provide for your baby and the fact that you are whining because "they didn't buy what i wanted them to" is ridiculous. Grow up!

I have to say, I agree. And I think it's really rude to text someone your registry info when they didnt ask for it.... A gift is a gift, not a necessity. Be happy they want to buy anything, even if it is just the cute outfits.

alber2am · October 2011

I had a work shower and did get 2 bigger things off the registry, my next shower is in 2 weeks and then another in 3 weeks, only 2 other items have been purchased off our registry, I am really hoping that people are just procrastinating.

CamJack mom · October 2011

It is bratty to get mad because someone didn't buy what you wanted them too. Let's put this into perspective: If a 5 year old begins stomping her feet and yelling because she wanted an American Girl Doll, but her mom bought her Barbie even after she told her that she wanted American Girl, we would call her a brat.

Because OP is an adult there is a difference? NO. I would love it it I only got things from my registry, but people have to the right to do what they want with their money.

I hate how much smoke is blown up people's butts on this board. Don't get me wrong, I love that our board remains drama free, but I think it is silly to tell someone they have to right to be annoyed because they didn't get what they wanted. Be grateful you SIL and BIL are getting you a present. Whatever that present may be. If you don't like it, take it back, but sitting around and complaining that it "isn't off your registry" is selfish.

PS - OP did not say she is annoyed, she called the people not buying off of her registry selfish and rude. THAT IS BRATTY!!!!!!

iluvmylab · October 2011

I think it's odd that people would buy expensive things that others did not register for, since it may not work for them. I don't mind if people buy clothes, blankets, etc. that I did not register for. I would never buy someone a monitor or other expensive baby item unless I knew they needed it. We also got a swing and bouncer and we were not registered for either. A friend of mine is giving me these items so we already have it. I also got several brands of baby wash and wipes that I will not use, but I plan on just taking that back to Walmart and getting store credit for it. I feel bad about taking it back, but it's also such a waste to keep these items if they are not needed. I kind of get where you are coming from, but of course, just send a thank you note and call it a day. Be glad that people are generous!

karaknr · October 2011

CamJack mom:
It is bratty to get mad because someone didn't buy what you wanted them too. Let's put this into perspective: If a 5 year old begins stomping her feet and yelling because she wanted an American Girl Doll, but her mom bought her Barbie even after she told her that she wanted American Girl, we would call her a brat.

Because OP is an adult there is a difference? NO. I would love it it I only got things from my registry, but people have to the right to do what they want with their money.
I hate how much smoke is blown up people's butts on this board. Don't get me wrong, I love that our board remains drama free, but I think it is silly to tell someone they have to right to be annoyed because they didn't get what they wanted. Be grateful you SIL and BIL are getting you a present. Whatever that present may be. If you don't like it, take it back, but sitting around and complaining that it "isn't off your registry" is selfish.

PS - OP did not say she is annoyed, she called the people not buying off of her registry selfish and rude. THAT IS BRATTY!!!!!!

Yes

Though I have to agree with the PP who said people buying winter clothes in 6-9mos is irritating. I dont care what they get me but it is irritating when people dont even think about the fact that I wont be able to use what they are buying at all because I live in a hell hole during the summer and there is no way I can put my 6month in July baby in flannel... However, if you dont like anything youre given, suck it up and take it back (which is exactly what I did with all the bigger winter clothes). It's not "rude" to have to take stuff back just because youre pregnant. Think how much of an inconvenience it is for people to buy stuff to begin with, wrap it and bring it to your shower. I think I can handle a few returns. Im pregnant, not handicap.

MrsT2008 · October 2011

karaknr:
CamJack mom:
You sound like a spoiled BRAT!!!!

People don't have to buy you anything, and if they don't feel like looking at a registry that is their prerogative. It is your responsibility to provide for your baby and the fact that you are whining because "they didn't buy what i wanted them to" is ridiculous. Grow up!
I have to say, I agree. And I think it's really rude to text someone your registry info when they didnt ask for it.... A gift is a gift, not a necessity. Be happy they want to buy anything, even if it is just the cute outfits.

but it was her sister. I agree that providing registry information when it wasn't asked for is rude, but there are a lot of things I would say to my sister or other immediate family members that I wouldn't say to other people.

karaknr · October 2011

MrsT2008:
karaknr:
CamJack mom:
You sound like a spoiled BRAT!!!!

People don't have to buy you anything, and if they don't feel like looking at a registry that is their prerogative. It is your responsibility to provide for your baby and the fact that you are whining because "they didn't buy what i wanted them to" is ridiculous. Grow up!
I have to say, I agree. And I think it's really rude to text someone your registry info when they didnt ask for it.... A gift is a gift, not a necessity. Be happy they want to buy anything, even if it is just the cute outfits.
but it was her sister. I agree that providing registry information when it wasn't asked for is rude, but there are a lot of things I would say to my sister or other immediate family members that I wouldn't say to other people.

IMO the relation to the person doesnt matter... If it's rude to one person it's rude to another. Just because you have the balls to be more rude to your family than you would a distant relative or friend doesnt make it more appropriate. My brother wont be getting me ANYTHING at all because he cant. So if he said he was going out to go buy me something at all Id be thrilled, I definitely wouldnt tell him what list he should be buying off of. To me that is super tacky unless someone asks about it or asks me specifically what I need or want.

PreggoAZ · October 2011

You are still 2 weeks out from the shower don't sweat it stuff will get bought off the registry.

As for BRU I had several things bought off my reigstry and it was never taken off of it!!! Then 2 days after my shower I went and used a very generous gift card that had been given to us and bought a ton of stuff off my reigstry. Printed it out and had them scan it during the purchase... The stuff still didn't get taken off my registry.

I had to take it all off myself via the website a few days later.

chrlyr · October 2011

I sort of get where OP is coming from, but, as a PP said, it is your responsibility as a parent to provide necessities for your child. We made sure that we had the money to cover all of the absolutely necessary items (including the "big ticket" items - car seat, high chair, swing, monitor, etc.) upon registering. You can never be sure what people are going to do when it comes to buying baby gifts and I don't think you can really get upset if people don't buy a ton off your registry. You need to be prepared to buy it yourself.

I had my first shower yesterday and got a nice mix of registry gifts and other gifts that are lovely and practical. I received a lot of stuff that I didn't think to register for, but will definitely be useful.

cutcopypaste · October 2011

CamJack mom:
PS - OP did not say she is annoyed, she called the people not buying off of her registry selfish and rude. THAT IS BRATTY!!!!!!

I think she is calling herself selfish

jam2mom · October 2011

My two cents...I haven't had a child in 14 years and of course don't have anything. I will not have a shower due to family drama, it was cancelled. People ask me what I need and I tell them I really don't have anything and appreciate anything they choose to provide. I am registered at BRU and if they ask if I'm registered I tell them, don't really volunteer the information.

The way I see it is no one is obligated to buy my child anything and if they take time out of their day to think enough to buy something for my child, then it's sincerely appreciated. Not that big of a deal if they don't buy off my registry. There's enough stuff to stress and worry about IMO. It's the thought that counts.

CamJack mom · October 2011

cutcopypaste:
CamJack mom:
PS - OP did not say she is annoyed, she called the people not buying off of her registry selfish and rude. THAT IS BRATTY!!!!!!
I think she is calling herself selfish

I read that differently, but it was pointed out to me in another post that perhaps it was meant at her being selfish. As I said in that post, if that is the case, I rescend the harshness of the my post because then she is just venting and I understand that. I read it as as people not buying off the registry being awful and rude and that is why I called her a brat.

RizziB · October 2011

CamJack mom:
cutcopypaste:
CamJack mom:
PS - OP did not say she is annoyed, she called the people not buying off of her registry selfish and rude. THAT IS BRATTY!!!!!!
I think she is calling herself selfish
I read that differently, but it was pointed out to me in another post that perhaps it was meant at her being selfish. As I said in that post, if that is the case, I rescend the harshness of the my post because then she is just venting and I understand that. I read it as as people not buying off the registry being awful and rude and that is why I called her a brat.

I also read OP's post as her saying that what she's about to say is "awful and selfish," which indicated that she was just venting her frustration about people buying off registry...NOT that she was saying that people who buy off registry are selfish.

To OP - Although I was fortunate that many people bought off of my registry when sending gifts, I understand your frustration. Hopefully you are getting gift receipts so you can return anything you don't want or already have.

Besides giving people some guidance when picking a gift, I think registries are worthwhile because you get a completion discount at the end and they can help you keep track of what you want/need for the baby. I've started registries that I haven't shared with others just so I can get a discount.

cutcopypaste · October 2011

Yeah I can understand why you would read it that way. That's the ever present problem of online/text communication lol

DiademChi · October 2011

I don't know why some people hate shopping off registries. I suppose they don't like feeling directed or stiffed in their creativity, or think their gift will get overlooked.

My family and DH's are big registry shoppers. Even for normal birthdays/holidays they always request a wishlist (and ask for links if possible) to help with shopping. My family usually throws in small, cute gifts off-list and gets the big wishlist stuff.

As for off-registry shopping, I was really amused by my new SIL (married my BIL a few months ago). Even though she set up a huge registry at various stores, she proudly proclaimed to me at the shower that she made sure not to even *look* at my registry. She has no siblings, and no babysitting/baby/kid experience. Her gifts? An over-sized stuffed animal (cute, but not that useful), a few much older kid books (2nd or 3rd grade reading level), and a children's cookbook (not for toddlers, only older children) that mainly had recipes I'll never be able to use due to my food allergies. I thanked her as much as anyone else, and moved on. It's the thought that counts, but I'm still amused at how *proud* she was to shop off-registry.

andreakirchoff · October 2011

I think that it's really the thought that counts. We are having a little boy and had two baby showers. At one we got a large package of pink things, I thanked the gift giver, and will either return them or give them to a family in need that is having a little girl. At another, we got a huge garbage bag of little boys clothing that one of the guests had been scouring garage sales for. I don't think that we will use/need all of it. But, it's the thought, and they obviously spent a great deal of time garage-saleing for these items. If it's something you truly can't use, find a way to return it, sell it, or give it to someone who needs it. But always thank the person giving it for their generosity, because they didn't have to you a gift.

kylayton · October 2011

Meh I don't really care if people don't buy off the registry. Most of our gifts came from Target and Walmart and we made a return to each store and got store credit which is great. Not so annoying.

We've received several nice gifts that I LOVE that we didn't register for. One being an expensive shirt from Nordstrom. I would never spend the money, so it's fun to have something nice for LO that I didn't have to buy.

I think it's really great to get things off the registry, but if people don't want to, it doesn't upset me. I purposefully did not register for clothes and now we are fully stocked.

CheetoLady161 · October 2011

I appreciate everyones opionions on this subject! I knew I was going to get 'flammed' for what I had said. I think it came out differently on the computer-then what I played over in my head. So, I am going to fix my snobbyness..

I am very appreciative to anyone/everyone that comes to the shower with -or- without a gift. I would like fo them to just look at the registry & be like "oh, well, I can get this same/similar swing set (not on my registry-lol), at walmart for cheaper-I'll just head over that way & get it".. I don't mind that at all.

When ppl RSVP'd to the shower- I told them that they did not need any gifts-Just come on by & hang out and have a good time! My Dad is cooking at everyone loves his cooking (he cooked for my wedding!)!!!

-I know my vents sound very rude/snobby/bratty/ect.. but, I only vent it out on here.. Not to my mother, MIL, friends, ect.. Im really not a bad person.

browneyedgoil · October 2011

i don't think you are being bratty at all. i kind of feel the same way. i researched every single thing for my registry especially the big ticket items for safety, value, reviews etc. also, the point of a registry is so that you don't get repeat items. it helps ppl get you something you actually need since they are going to be spending money anyway. it's not like you are complaining about the amount of $$ spent, i don't think you are being a brat at all. also, sometimes ppl don't include gift receipts and you are left w/ duplicates or things you don't need that go to waste.

also- i told my own sister only to buy of my registry as well. we are sisters & are very close & i can say that to her. i would never say that to other ppl though.

overall, pretty much everyone bought off my registry & those that didn't got great clothes in 12-18 months that I will definitely use.

silivren · October 2011

browneyedgoil:

i don't think you are being bratty at all. i kind of feel the same way. i researched every single thing for my registry especially the big ticket items for safety, value, reviews etc. also, the point of a registry is so that you don't get repeat items. it helps ppl get you something you actually need since they are going to be spending money anyway. it's not like you are complaining about the amount of $$ spent, i don't think you are being a brat at all. also, sometimes ppl don't include gift receipts and you are left w/ duplicates or things you don't need that go to waste.

I spent a lot of time on my registry as well - I put a lot of research into the items that I selected. That being said, I will just be thankful if I get anything.

MesmrEwe · October 2011

I'm not much of a registry shopper... I always find it amusing the things people register for that they'll never use in their real life. Granted, I'm just as guilty, we registered for wine glasses on our wedding registry, we got 109, but the thing is, we don't drink... We've used them primarily for things like pudding... But for baby, it's amazing the gifts you'll give to someone before you have kids and what you'll give after you have kids. The washcloths someone mentioned - you won't need them now, but once the LO starts to eat baby food/solids you'll go through one or two at each feeding same for bibs (wouldn't have believed it until after having a LO go through that stage), and it's not something you'll think is necessary to register for.

That said, I do look at people's registries. OTOH, I'm not going to insist on purchasing an item from a particular store just because they're registered there. For example, if I was going to purchase a (big ticket item) carseat that the couple registered for at BRU, I'd look it up online and if I can find it for $30+ cheaper with shipping included at another place for the same seat (which is the case for the one I saw there and like), I'm going to save myself the money. OTOH, if I get something that is big ticket like that I'll also contact the shower host to let them know so it can be taken off the registry. The registry is a guide book or pattern, it doesn't necessarily mean that something HAS to be purchased off of it. There are so many things that FTP register for that they'll never use in the real world (like five different types of bottles, different nuks, stink bomb diaper brands, etc.), and other things they don't think to register for that will be things they end up needing that will nickel and dime them later on. Those are the type of things I give for baby gifts. Also, I give things for the slightly older baby (bibs, bedtime reading books, soft sippi cups, 2T/4T clothes, etc) that they also likely wouldn't register for (2T/4T clothes last a long spectrum of time unlike 0-12mo)..

kmn3 · October 2011

I can relate. I'm getting lots of really cute gifts, but I'm getting nervous about buying everything we NEED. Everything, including clothes, will be put to use though!

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