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December 2011 Moms
Greenbaby3114
member
Success After Losses. I carry your
, I carry it in my .</br>
Shower for a 3rd child? Thoughts?
Greenbaby3114
member
My best friend, who is throwing my shower, is due at the end of March. She has 2 DDs that are 5 and 6. She's expecting a boy this time. She has sold all of her baby stuff from her DDs. She saved nothing! Ok, my opinion is I believe "sprinkles" or diaper showers after the 1st are ok. But I don't like the idea of having a full out shower with registry for a 3rd child. She has told me this is what she wanted after I suggested we do a sprinkle. I'm torn because she is a very good friend and she doesn't have anything from the previous children for the new baby. But still, is it tacky? Or is it acceptable in this situation (being that her last child was 5 yrs ago and the new baby is a boy this time) Idk. Opinions?
Success After Losses. I carry your
, I carry it in my .</br>
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Shower for a 3rd child? Thoughts?
I think it's fine, but showers for subsequent children are common amongst the people I know.
Tell me, what differentiates a sprinkle from a shower? People still bring gifts, right? Does calling it something different just make people feel more proper? If I got an invitation that said "It's a sprinkle for Pam" I'd probably be like wtf is a sprinkle?? I'd never heard of this until this pregnancy. I swear, it's another one of those things the etiquette brigade of the bump made up.
Success After Losses. I carry your
Got it. I guess aside from close family no one buys huge gifts in our circle anyway, so the first or second shower is no different. Close family seems to buy something big regardless of the number of child that it is.
So is having a registry for the second, even if you don't tell people you have it, tacky? Many people do it just for the completion discount, so what if your guests of your "sprinkle" find it? Isn't telling guests where you are registered tacky regardless? I see so often that you should never advertise in an invitation where you are registered. Just trying to find out what is "proper".
All of this. I actually just got an invite from a friend who is on her 2nd baby and is having a shower. It's the norm around here, especially if the 2nd baby is a different sex.
im having one (actually 3), but I didn't suggest either of them. My family is a 'shower for every kid" kind of family. My co-workers are very excited that I am having a girl and they offered to throw one, and I am a cheer coach (who has only sons) so my parents are ecstatic so they are throwing one. None of them were my idea, but I again was raised in a family that believes every baby deserves a shower so I don't see the problem with them either way.
I do feel it is a little presumptuous for your friend to think she has a right to one. If my family and friends offered a sprinkle or nothing at all, that would've been fine with me as well.
Success After Losses. I carry your
I agree with this
Haha! I agree with all of this!
I don't think a shower for subsequent babies is out of line at all. I've really only heard it to be "tacky" from the ladies here. I thought it was a celebration for mom and the new baby. So, the new baby doesn't get to be celebrated or get anything new because you already have a child? blah!
The more I see this tread come up...the more irritating it gets. I don't see the difference between a so called "sprinkle" or "shower" besides the name.
I am in agreement with this.
The new baby can have all new things if the parents can afford to buy them, IMO. Second showers are not common around me. I think if people want to buy you something for a second baby they will, and if they don't want to they won't. I also don't really see the difference between a shower and a sprinkle, except the name.
I have to agree with Reheadbaker... I think it's tacky for #2 and beyond and it is the parent's responsibility to provide for their babies even if it's been 5 years and that baby is a different sex. However, since it has become more and more of a norm these days I don't think you would offend anyone by throwing her a shower. If guests are offended or don't want to buy her something then they won't come or won't send a gift.
I also don't see why calling it something different makes it different. I had never heard of a sprinkle before the Bump either. (I guess it's what we had, though - DH's extended family surprised us with a mini-shower, mostly just baby clothes, while we were on vacation this summer.)
I can see it both ways. We'll have four years between kids and they will be different sexes. We saved a lot of DD's gear, which we deliberately selected to be gender neutral, but we've had to store it at my ILs because we move a lot and we don't have much storage space of our own. I didn't bother to save clothes because we use a really good children's consignment store and I figured the chances we'd have another girl around the same time of year were slim. Coming to the decision to have another child took a while for us, and there were certainly moments when I thought it was a waste to keep everything around for years if we weren't sure we'd use it. Plus, things expire - we're not even at your friend's five-year mark and it's an issue for us as far as carseats and such.
I agree parents should be prepared to buy what they need for any child, but that goes for first child, second child, eighth child, whatever. When it all comes down, I don't really care what other people do. I'm going to a shower next month for the second child of a couple we know - their first was born after ours - and it hasn't occurred to me to be offended.
This is my third child in three years and I will have 2 showers for this baby. I had showers for my first two as well. None were my idea or suggestion, but I am very thankful for them.
I live in the south where this is very common though. Every baby gets a shower around here and no one thinks twice about it.
I would definitely throw your friend a shower. Go all out-she is having a little boy and hasn't had a baby in 5 years. Even if you don't live in an area where subsequent showers are acceptable-those seem like good reasons to throw one. You sound like you are a good friend to her-I'm sure she will be very grateful for you!
Personally, I would never want a shower for my 2nd, nor would I host one for a friend. I just don't understand showers for 2nd+ kids.
Here's how I understand a "sprinkle" v. "shower":
Shower-Done at a home or public venue, includes baby games (even if it's just guessing the size of mom's belly), food is served, decorations
Sprinkle: Done at a home, no baby games, maybe a light snack is served, shorter, mor of a "come hang out with mom", smaller gifts
Just my $0.02.
My opinion on this situation: if you really feel like your friend is expecting you to host a shower/sprinkle thing, and you aren't comfortable, what about suggesting you host a "meet the baby" thing post-baby? You host it at your home, date suggested by mom based on how she is feeling post-partum. Gifts are welcome if brought, but no registry info is sent out.
And yes, I am also of the "it's the parent's responsibility" to provide for their 1st through 20th child mindset.
Um, not really. I mean, you can say that maturity-wise in comparison to an adult, I guess, but in the context of stuff, my daughter is four and she hasn't used most of her baby gear for years. Her infant seat will expire next summer, whether LO outgrows it by then or not, so it's not like things last indefinitely, either. I've been hanging on to her things on the assumption that we would probably try to have another eventually (and be successful - I'm not young), but for years we didn't have any specific plans about when/if to have more children. Lots of people don't. Saving stuff is a gamble when you're not sure you'll have more kids and someone else could put it to better use. Now, if we hadn't saved all our gear, then it would be our responsibility to buy it, but it's the parents' responsibility no matter what.
I think the whole shower thing is kind of a farce - don't get me wrong, it's one I like and have participated in as a recipient, guest (oh so many times) and hostess, but when grown men and women should be able to buy things for their own kids (or, with wedding showers, they should be independent enough to establish their own households, and often their registries are just upgrades to existing pots, knives, bedding, etc. - certainly ours was), I just think it's kind of silly to split hairs over who "needs" a shower and who doesn't.
I love going to baby showers, whether it is for a 1st child or a fourth. I love shopping for gifts, cathcing up with other ladies and playing shower games.
Never in a million years would anyone I know IRL think that it is tacky to celebrate a pregnancy and new baby. I feel sorry for those who choose not to go to subsequent showers for this reason - they're missing out on a whole lotta fun to abide some ridiculous and dated "etiquette" rule.
If she feels okay about it, and even said she wants a full shower, you might just have to go with it. Personally if I were her I'd feel weird about it. But she seems ok with the idea.
This will only be my 2nd (well 2nd and 3rd) and I don't feel comfortable having even a sprinkle. Most people said it wouldn't be weird because they are boys this time and because there are two of them so I'll need more stuff. 2nd showers are the norm around here, and I always go. But even with those qualifing factors, it just seems tacky, for me personally.
I don't feel good about people feeling like they needed to get me more gifts, so I said no shower.
I think it's tacky. Why can't she buy her own stuff? People dont "need" showers.
I am okay with showers for the first and even the second, but anymore and its ridiculous to me. The only exception is a group shower. Like my moms group throws "showers" (aka. playdates with food and cake) at the local park a few times a year and anyone having a baby that season is "showered". Usually we all chip in for some diapers and a couple $20 gift cards, but that's it. Nobody is the center of attention. I mean personally, I'd be super embarrassed having all the attention at a solo shower while pregnant with my THIRD baby. It's kinda like "been there, done that".
After reading the comments, I'll agree with those that said this is 2011, if a baby NEEDS things, then the PARENTS buy them.
This baby is our third daughter, but guess what? She is getting a whole new wardrobe. Not a single hand-me-down, at least for awhile. Why? Well, 1) we live in Washington now (other two kids were Texas & southern California babies) and it is cold here. 2) She is a winter baby, my other two were born in the summer. We have nothing warm, never even thought about it with my summer/warm climate babies!
And no offense to PP, but I'd be mortified to have three showers thrown for me on baby #1, #2, #3 or #10. Why can't you consolidate them into one shower?!
A good friend offered to throw me a shower this time and I turned her down. I told her thank you, but I'd be really embarrassed by all the attention. I also hate the thought of people spending money on my baby.
FTR, I didn't have a wedding shower either. Maybe I'm just weird?
Aren't bigger ticket items typically purchased by very very close friends and family members anyway? I mean, shower or no shower? Because I don't believe someone should expect a casual friend/acquaintance to purchase huge or expensive things to begin with, I don't think twice if someone closer is moved enough to buy such a gift.
I'm with you on the no registry thing. I didn't even want a shower, but have been told someone is throwing me one (this will be my first child in 20 years, so nothing is left over). While I understand that registries help a gift-giver think of something to give that is wanted (and within their budget) they still strike me as "gimme" ... maybe that's just a hangup from the way I was raised? I hate the thought of them. However, with the discounts stores are now offering parents off items NOT purchased on gift-registries, I can see where it's a smart consumer move on the parent to register with the intention of purchasing their own high-end items after the fact but at a discount. So...if she wants to register, let her register, don't put where she's registered on the invitations, and if inquiring minds want to know, they'll seek her or you out.
I think everyone makes a big deal out of everything all the time here on the Bump. LOL
I think the concept of showers after the first being tacky is mostly a regional/cultural thing.
My opinion? To each her own. If someone wants to throw me a shower, then ok. If not, well, ok. From the 1st to the 19th LOL.
My only etiquette objection would be is this: you never, ever throw your OWN shower. That's like asking for gifts. I will not be doing this.
I did, however, put up a registry. I didn't tell anyone about it except DH, but if someone asks, I will volunteer the info. I didn't do it for gifts, but more for a checklist and a completion discount.