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**jsugrin**

tri_bride05tri_bride05
in Northern California Babies

Saw your response to futrkingsley's post and Andrew's anxiety/questions about death. Both my grandmothers' passed away this year and Mason had a lot of similar questions about death. We are not religous so my husband didn't want to introduce the idea of heaven and even though I ended up throwing it out there in desperation, it just seemed to confuse him more. I bought a book that we read together quite a bit and it did seem to help him understand a little better - it's a very matter of fact book about life cycles of all living creatures called Lifetimes

 https://www.amazon.com/Lifetimes-Bryan-Mellonie/dp/0553344021/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1319253595&sr=8-1 

I'm so sorry for your loss.

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Re: **jsugrin**

  • futrkingsleyfutrkingsley member

    Thank you for posting this Aimee!  I'm going to get a copy for C.  He doesn't understand it all as well as I think I hoped. :(  

    And J, I'm also so sorry about your grandmother.   

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  • jsugrinjsugrin member

    Thank you, I hope that it helps him understand, and most importantly accept I suppose.

    How has M reacted, after the fact I guess?  What I worry about most with Andrew is that it will be an ongoing anxiety.  Where most kids accept (in any situation) and then move on he is a kid that fixates on things.  He really wants to know why thing die and he most certainly does not just accept answer like " they got old ( he worries because he knows that he is getting older so does this mean he is about to die?) or it was there time (what makes it their time, why it is their time ect ect)".  Ahhhh, it's all soooooo stressful.

    S,

       I'm sorry that C isn't handling it as well as you expected. Is he a lot more upset than you expected?

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  • futrkingsleyfutrkingsley member
    J, he's not upset, he just randomly asked if he could go with me the next time I go see her.  Yikes.  Not quiet going to happen like that buddy.  i told him again and he hasnt said anything about it but is also acting out in his usual not so fun way. :(  Hence we have to skip our anniversary date to see the Bridge School concert tonight so he doesn't lose his mind tomorrow when we leave him for the rosary.  I'm just putting one foot in front of the other and hoping for the best.  
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  • tri_bride05tri_bride05
    imagejsugrin:

    How has M reacted, after the fact I guess?  What I worry about most with Andrew is that it will be an ongoing anxiety.  Where most kids accept (in any situation) and then move on he is a kid that fixates on things.  He really wants to know why thing die and he most certainly does not just accept answer like " they got old ( he worries because he knows that he is getting older so does this mean he is about to die?) or it was there time (what makes it their time, why it is their time ect ect)".  Ahhhh, it's all soooooo stressful.

     

    I agree that it is so stressful - trying to deal with your own grief while trying to help your little one understand something that is so difficult to explain without causing them a lot of anxiety. We focus on the fact that both my grandmothers were very very old (93 and 97) and very very sick and that their bodies could not work anymore. We try to explain that he is very young and has a long long time before he will be that old. He asks questions like, "when will you die?" and the heartbreaking "when will I die?" I answer both with "hopefully not for a long, long time, there are many, many years until you'll be as old as great-gram". Both my grandmothers passed away earlier this year (Feb and Mar) and the questions were constant at first, especially since as soon as the questions started to taper off regarding the first grandmother, the other passed and they resumed. After a few months he stopped asking questions, though it does come up from time to time he seems less worried about it.  Good luck to both of you. I hope the book helps some.

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  • jsugrinjsugrin member

    imagefutrkingsley:
    J, he's not upset, he just randomly asked if he could go with me the next time I go see her.  Yikes.  Not quiet going to happen like that buddy.  i told him again and he hasnt said anything about it but is also acting out in his usual not so fun way. :(  Hence we have to skip our anniversary date to see the Bridge School concert tonight so he doesn't lose his mind tomorrow when we leave him for the rosary.  I'm just putting one foot in front of the other and hoping for the best.  

    Goodness our kids are soooooo similar.  Not that I wish the craziness of a difficult child on anyone but boy do I have to say that I am so glad we are "friends" so I don't feel so alone.  I know most people, with most kids would say "oh go, he'll be fine" but you and I both know our kids just simply wouldn't :::sigh:::: I wonder if he'll ever not be so high needs, not need such deep thought about everything.

    I'm sorry you guys had to miss out and I hope C settles soon.

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