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School-Aged Children
JMay
member
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
Miracle DD born 12.2005
TTC #2 since Dec 2008 w/ PCOS
***P/SAIF Always Welcome***
Keep it Natural, Baby!
Gifted Kids...
JMay
member
I loved the post below - I'm glad I'm not the only one struggling with the challenges of having a gifted child. I have a few questions...
First, are there any chat rooms/support groups etc for parents of gifted or accelerated children? Or books? It comes with its own set of challenges...
Second, what's the difference between a "gifted" child and a child who is just interested in learning? My child LOVES learning, and has tested very high (in K but testing at above 1st grade + 5 months level). I don't know that she fits the definition for gifted - she's not a savant or anything - she just thinks learning is fun so that's her focus.
Third, do any of you have a hard time talking to others? I feel like I can't share anything about my DD (except with her grandparents) because in doing so, I make other people feel badly, which is not at all my intention. I don't want to brag, but like any Mother, I am proud and want to share with friends. The second I open my mouth though, I wish I'd kept it shut. I heap praise on my friends children for any of their accomplishments - why can't they be happy for my DD in return, instead of turning everything into a competition?
That's all for now folks - TIA for any help!
Jenna
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
Miracle DD born 12.2005
TTC #2 since Dec 2008 w/ PCOS
***P/SAIF Always Welcome***
Keep it Natural, Baby!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Gifted Kids...
OMG -- I totally hear you on both issues, and thank you for posting this. No one thinks you need a support group to deal with being the parent of a GT kid because everyone thinks how easy it must be!
Very bright kids are great, yes, but they do come with their own special set of needs and challenges. A child with an IQ of 120 is as far from "normal" as a child with an IQ of 80, and in many school systems the latter would be in a self-contained classroom.
I completely sympathize about the whole "not turning it into a competition" thing. I have had to distance myself from a few people I thought were friends over this.
I have 2 kids who both would be considered "gifted" I guess. My DD is so verbally precocious that it is not unusual for us to get comments from strangers in public places who happen to overhear her talking. My DS's intelligence is less "in your face" because he's less verbal than his sister, but he's also not like a normal 1st grader.
Here are some things I've learned over my years as a teacher of GT/LD high school kids and as a parent of 2 GT kids:
--intelligence is the only area where they're ahead. In terms of emotional, social, and physical development, they're completely normal. This disparity can generate some interesting problems.
--finding friends can sometimes be hard for these kids because age-mates don't always share similar interests. This gets better as they get older and they begin to understand that not everyone wants to play "scientist" instead of "tag." They tend to gravitate toward adults to solve this problem. By 2nd grade, they usually begin to learn to adapt to others' social expectations and socializing with peers becomes easier.
--kids like this can be really fixated on rules, justice, and "fairness." They are so smart that they can understand when something's not fair, but they lack the emotional grounding to take it in stride. Our family nickname for my DD is "the judge" or "the chief." DS can be incredibly manipulative, arguing his "case" with the persistence of a big shot attorney.
--these kids can also grow to be fairly perfectionistic. So much comes easily to them, that they can be unwilling to risk failure.
--really gifted kids often seem to come with an "Achilles' heel" of some sort. For my DD, it's organization. She's like an absent-minded professor; it drives the rest of the family crazy. For my son, it's auditory processing. He's so focused on his own thoughts that he doesn't always hear/notice what's going on around him.
--true friends understand that all kids are special and fantastic in one way or another, and they will celebrate your child's accomplishments and gifts with you. It helps if you're realistic about your own child's foibles, though! I try to keep my praise of their accomplishments balanced with griping about their idiosyncracies.
--In my experience, normal classrooms are not adequate to keep these kids challenged, especially when resources are being directed toward not "leaving behind" kids who are working below grade level. It is REALLY tempting for teachers to assume that enlisting gt kids as helpers is enough to keep them challenged. This can be true to an extent, but after a while it puts the gt kid in an awkward social position. Also, it's not a guarantee, but it's often the case that gt kids are pretty well-behaved. Teachers will often use kids like this as a buffer, placing them with the chronic behavior problems. A little of that can go a long way, IMHO.
Anyway, don't hesitate to post here about this issue!
ROTFLMAO!!! Uh, Yep! My DD loves to play scientist... and most of her friends who come over get at least one round of "let's perform surgery on stuffed kitty, she needs a new kidney". Then they move on to princess, etc. That cracks me up though.
Thank you so much for all your words of wisdom. I'm so happy to know I'm not alone in this and can post here. And you're right, making sure I gripe about issues will probably keep the balance when talking to friends. Thanks again!
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
Miracle DD born 12.2005
TTC #2 since Dec 2008 w/ PCOS
***P/SAIF Always Welcome***
Keep it Natural, Baby!
This is a great link for definitions and descriptions of high achievers, gifted learners and creative thinkers. There can be overlap between the three types.
High Achiever, Gifted Learner, Creative Thinker
We only talk about our child's accomplishments within our marriage and to her grandparents. I completely 'get' what you are saying. And yes, it can be isolating and frustrating because I want to get excited about my DD's accomplishments, too. I tend to scrapbook/journal much of what she does to preserve the memories and celebrate her in my own way!
I love this idea. I just started scraping, and I'm terrible at it, but getting better. I never know what to scrap and what to skip, but highlighting accomplishments is really a great idea - thanks!
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
Miracle DD born 12.2005
TTC #2 since Dec 2008 w/ PCOS
***P/SAIF Always Welcome***
Keep it Natural, Baby!
I have two kids - one who is gifted academically and one who is more average, but has other gifts (talented, social skills).
As your child(ren) get older (by 3rd grade, I know that seems far away!), people tend to figure out who the athletes are, who the brianiacs are, who the musicians are. I think as their own children find their niche, it becomes easier to talk about their accomplishments, because kids have already tried and failed many things (in kindergarten, almost every girl is taking dance. By 4th grade, some girls are taking 4 dance classes and other girls have stopped completely in favor of soccer or swimming).
Most likely, your daughter will tend to gravitate towards girls (and boys) who share her academic interests. There are girls in DD's school who are known as "the readers" (not in a bad way - just they read during recess instead of playing on the jungle gym). You will be able to connect with moms/dads who can talk about the books your dd loved, or who want to enroll their kids in after-school science class, etc.
I think the easiest way to deal with "bragging" is to have a little humor about it. Because really, your children's accomplishments should speak for themselves, and they will. Kids figure out who the smart kids are pretty early. So, instead of saying "My daughter is so smart, she wanted an ENCYCLOPEDIA for her birthday!!!" you can say "Ok, most girls want barbies for Christmas, but Jane wants a talking globe....." I don't believe in belittling children's accomplshments, I just think its enough to say "yes, we are really excited and proud." vs. being an aw on behalf of your kid.
https://www.nagc.org/
Newlyweds since 2007
Oh this describes my DD so well!!! Hand her a workbook and she's off to the races until she gets bored and wants to do something else. She wasn't into coloring books that much until some teenagers taught her how to color one in using directional lines.
We've had some behavior issues (she does very good with routine but changing routine or lowering expecations on her to any extent is a recipe for disaster!).. Her teachers don't know how to handle the one kid in the class who can put together a college level debate/argument with factual backing for her position to argue why she shouldn't have to do something that she doesn't want to do at any given time! She actually got sent home once because the principal couldn't deal with it to the point on the 2nd day of 1st grade she was suggesting we have her evaluated and consider another educational route for her (I should add this principal never has had kids - and it's questionable to me whether she ever taught in a school setting as well). Yea - I've severed ties with the school since that and because of what happened after that (the only reason she's there at this point is because of DH)..
I just wish there was a magic wand I could wave that would keep her engaged in class when she's clearly bored with the subject matter...
Do teens count in this discussion? My daughter is 15 years-old and she was actually tested and put into the gifted program at school starting in 3rd grade. She stayed in the program until she went into high school last year. Now she's in AP and Honors courses.
I always knew she was smart, but it caused problems. She was not only bored in class, but it affected her physically as well. My child had high blood pressure at the age of 6 because she was such an overachiever. I would get letters and phone calls from the teacher asking me to help her "calm down". She would stress herself out over classwork, tests, homework, etc. We couldn't even have board games in the house because she would have a hysterical fit if she lost.
I was at my wits end with her. I thank God the school finally had her tested and discovered she should be in the gifted program, everything changed after that. She became like a new child. Her blood pressure went down, and she was better able to handle her emotions in competitive games. She would come home raving about how much she loved her classwork because it was so challenging, and she enjoyed that the other students took the work seriously.
Fast forward 7 years later, and I have a very accomplished young lady on my hands. She does homework not due for weeks on Saturdays (I just have to shake my head on that one.) She is on the basketball and track team at her high school. All of the pressure of her schoolwork and sports makes her feel very good she tells me. As an honors foreign laguage student she had the opportunity to study abroad through her high school. They went to Germany and Italy in April of this year for 10 days. That caused her to blossom even more. Now she tells me she wants to study abroad during college.
The thing that turned the whole situation around was moving her out of the general population at school, putting her with like minded students, and giving her work that challenged her mind. I don't know if all schools offer that, but it's something I would advise a parent to look into.