When did your LOs start really fighting?

Ruby_Tuesday · October 2011

We have had little scuffles for a while now but one of my boys is suddenly taking it to a new level. He will angrily tackly his brother when he wants their toy...they take his toy...what ever. He lunges at them with two hands and knocks them right down. He is the biggest. He used to be so mellow. I wasn't expecting this so soon. Everything I have read says you can't really dsciipline with things like time outs until around 18 months. For now I have just been saying no, removing him and setting him aside, and comforting the brother who got hurt. Is this the right thing to do?

atc282 · October 2011

First, wanted to say Happy Birthday to your trio (per your siggy)!!

As for the fighting, yep, it was about 1 year old that my DDs started to get into minor scuffles. I personally think you're doing the right thing in terms of breaking up the spats at that age--I didn't start "time outs" (aka 1 minute in her crib) until 18 months or so.

If one DD yanked on other DD's hair, for example, or snatched her toy, I'd just keep saying "be gentle" and "no" and separate the two. Sometimes that worked and other times it didn't but there again I don't think there was much they could comprehend at that age for discipline.

HTH

MontyMrs · October 2011

OMG - happy birthday sweet boys!! Your posts scare me, since I know I'll be dealing with the same things very soon. No advice, but I'll be reading the replies.

mrs.cam · October 2011

My bigger twin does the same thing, but not often yet so im just doing the same...no and removal from the situation. And btw, that is the cutest picture! Happy birthday babies!

schoolsoutbride · October 2011

so soon? I think you're doing the right thing for that age.

We started Love and Logic with O around 9 months (basically when he got really mobile). At that age it was just "uh-oh" and redirection, but within a month or so, uh-oh was enough to slow him down before doing something he wasn't supposed to (like getting into the cat fountain.) worth a shot.

leslie13510 · October 2011

Yep, for their age that's about all you can do in terms of "in the moment" discipline. One thing you should definitely start doing, if you aren't already, is really playing up the good behaviors when they're not acting out. Work on gentle touches all. the. time. and make a huge deal out of it when they practice them. Then when they're hitting, poking, pushing, etc, remind them that it's not nice and we do gentle touches, and practice some more.

Ruby_Tuesday · October 2011

Thanks everyone! Their birthday was Wednesday. The party is Sunday. I think the ticker just stops at 1 year, I'll need to get a new one.

Ruby_Tuesday · October 2011

leslie13510:
Yep, for their age that's about all you can do in terms of "in the moment" discipline. One thing you should definitely start doing, if you aren't already, is really playing up the good behaviors when they're not acting out. Work on gentle touches all. the. time. and make a huge deal out of it when they practice them. Then when they're hitting, poking, pushing, etc, remind them that it's not nice and we do gentle touches, and practice some more.

I'm not really making a huge deal out of playing up good behavior and gentle touches. Thanks for the suggestion. Is there some place I can read more about this...like the love and logic book maybe? I suppose it should be common sense..lol...but feel that I need instruction.

Babsie7 · October 2011

Happy birthday to your 3!!! Congratulations on surviving the first year

<br> I don't have much in the way of advice; I've been doing the same things as you. Just recently my dd has started things from her brother and hits him, usually in the hace, I tell her "no" and move her away from him. I like the advice you got about positve reinforcers; I'll have to be on the look out.

leslie13510 · October 2011

Ruby_Tuesday:

leslie13510:
Yep, for their age that's about all you can do in terms of "in the moment" discipline. One thing you should definitely start doing, if you aren't already, is really playing up the good behaviors when they're not acting out. Work on gentle touches all. the. time. and make a huge deal out of it when they practice them. Then when they're hitting, poking, pushing, etc, remind them that it's not nice and we do gentle touches, and practice some more.

I'm not really making a huge deal out of playing up good behavior and gentle touches. Thanks for the suggestion. Is there some place I can read more about this...like the love and logic book maybe? I suppose it should be common sense..lol...but feel that I need instruction.

I'm sure it's in a book or two somewhere, but I couldn't tell you which ones. Between taking some childhood psychology courses in college and working in a daycare, one of the things that was always drilled into me was to pay at least as much attention to the good actions as the bad. Ideally you should give them more attention for good behaviors than for bad. I want to say the ratio I was taught was something like 5 to 1, which I know can be nearly impossible with that many toddlers demanding your time. Hahahaha. But yeah, that way as they get older and start seeking out attention, they'll know that there are acceptable ways to get attention, instead of just turning to getting into trouble for the negative attention. At least that's the theory anyway, and of course they'll still get into plenty of trouble.