Childless not by choice


Hi...thought I would introduce myself after lurking here a few times.  My history is in my signature. 

Our last IVF cycle ended in a BFN on 10/18.  I feel numb...part of me keeps asking why me, but I am trying to stop myself from doing that, I don't want to be that person.  I have so many wonderful things in my life and don't want to seem ungrateful but I didnt know how hard it was going to be to comes to terms with this.  I think the hardest reality for me to face is that I will never hear my child say I love you Mom.

Sorry to ramble and to be such a debbie downer...I look forward to getting to know you ladies!!


I am AMA and all tests on H came back normal
3 failed IVF with OE and 2 failed frozen DE cycles
Last fresh hail mary DE cycle starting Feb 2013
PAIF/SAIF always welcome

Re: Intro

  • Heartfelt welcome.

    I too have fought with myself over the "why me game". It is natural to do that and completely okay. It is all still new to me even though we have known our fate for sometime. 

    I wish you nothing but the best as you make this transition. 

  • Sorry you feel the need to be here but welcome. 

    I'm hoping (that sounds bad) that this board picks up some.

    I know I'll be back to posting here when the husband finally gives up hope.  

    Fuuck TTC - I'm moving on.
    "It's a child, not a cheeto" Thanks mmariluh!
    "Ew. I've read all of two posts from you, and you stink like rotting garbage."
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  • So sorry you have to be here. I lurk on here because Im only doing one more IUI and then its quits for us. No $ for IVF. Postponing my IUI until next month because I'm scared to accept the fact that I might never be a mom that I longed to be.

    Ok off I go...cant seem to be on here without getting teary eyed. Have a good weekend all.

    ME:46 MH:44 DE IVF 2014
    Met with RE 4/11. 2 IUI's BFN. DE best option. Switched clinics to do "shared" program. Had to retake all tests and a mamm that put me behind and then on a DE waiting list for 12 months. Picked a donor!! (10/13/13) Got matched. Estimated transfer in December. After 2.5 years of patiently waiting I will finally cycle....can hardly believe it. DE cycle got cancelled. One of her tests came back positive.  Waiting for another donor. Donor picked!! (1/18/14)

    DE IVF #1 (4/26) BFN  DE FET #1 (6/4) BFP! Beta 1=339 Beta 2=852 Beta 3=9957 EDD 2/22/15!!



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  • I am really sorry about your BFN and that you have to be here. ((Hugs))

    It has been a few months now since we decided to give up and move forward with living child-free (after multiple failed IVFs and a m/c) and I feel much better now than at the beginning. I still have sad days, but I feel pretty good. I hope that time will make things a little easier for you too. Although this board is quiet, there are a few of us here to help if you need us.

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