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3rd Trimester
keeping it a surprise
Just thoughts... who else is waiting till the birth to find out the gender?
I have a little rant on this... but I think often when people find out, they get SO focused on the sex of the baby, and they feel disappointed if its not what they thought they were hoping for... I would much rather wait till I have gone through labour, and finally push that baby out, and hear, "Its a girl!" or "it's a boy!". There are so few true surprises left in life that I think it's really worthwhile to wait.
Also, we already get so caught up in all the STUFF surrounding babies--- and then when you know the gender, i think it becomes even more so- perfectly matching boy or girl nursery, all the clothes, etc etc! This is about welcoming a new life-- we are FAR to focussed on materialistic things, think of the majority of the rest of the world and how they live!
anyway, i'm stepping off the soapbox now. 
thoughts??
This discussion has been closed.
Re: keeping it a surprise
I haven't had any ultrasounds, so we have no idea. I find I don't really think very much about the sex. I have a small preference, but wish I didn't!! I know I'll be thrilled whoever comes. I've had about four dreams now where it's a boy, and four where it's a girl, so my subconscious doesn't seem to know either. Everyone else is VERY curious, it's by far the number one question asked.
All of our family is making guesses, and everyone is guessing boy. The midwife told us 90% of people will guess boy on your first kid. Is this your experience too? Do you have a preference? Do you have an intuition about the sex? I'm due tomorrow, so I guess I'll find out soon.
I found out this time because
1. I am impatient and a planner and
2. I was having a hard time bonding with this one. I didn't have any problem bonding with my first but for some reason I just felt really detached. I think part of it was that I had another toddler I was focusing on and I felt like I wasn't giving this one the "time" that I gave my first..sitting and feeling him move and thinking about him and stuff. Plus I was nervous about when he would come and how DS1 would react to having to share his mommy. Now that I know it's a boy I can call him by name and daydream about him and how our new family will be a lot easier.
I give team green people credit though for sure! You have a lot of willpower IMO!
We haven't found out what we are having. My due date is next Tuesday and honestly, it wasn't ever a thought for us to find out. For me, it has made this whole last semester that much more exciting...not only are we nearing the birth of the baby, but we'll finally know what we are having. Our friends and family are that much more excited as well! And its so much fun to have everyone putting in their guesses!
I also think it will be a motivator for me when I am in labor and want to give up. It will be one more thing to help me get through the labor process.
It's not for everyone...this is a personal decision that my husband and I made for ourselves. I don't look down on people who find out.
7lbs 13oz 20 inches long
I was team green with my DD and loved it. I didn't do it for the reasons you listed tough. Yes, there are few surprises in the world but it's just as much a surprise if you find out at 20 weeks as it is at 40 weeks. Was I disappointed this time because I found out I was having another girl? Heck no! Sure a boy would be nice but I love that my DDs will have a sister so close in age.
This time we found out the sex for no reason other than to have the "other" experience. Now I can say I have experienced both waiting and finding out. IF we are going to have a 3rd baby, I'll probably go back to team green. I have enjoyed knowing that I have a little girl growing inside me but it's just as fun not knowing. I just love being pregnant.
DD2's nursery is geared towards a little girl but IF the u/s tech wrong he wouldn't NOT fit in the nursery well. We're doing birds and that can easily be for a boy or girl.
Your post kind of makes you sound like you feel that you are better than everyone who finds out at 20 weeks even if that is not your intention.
Agreed. Just because I found out I am having a boy doesn't mean that I am in any way more materialistic than you. My DH and I actually tend to be pretty minimalistic about things and since finding out 9 weeks ago I haven't gone out and purchased every "boy" item in sight. Most of our big purchases are gender neutral in case we decide to have future kids and our nursery was planned before we found out and would be fine for a boy or a girl.
We found out because I couldn't decide if I wanted to be team green or not and DH wanted to know. So since he had a preference we went with it. Sometimes I think having that surprise at the end would be wonderful, but it was a huge surprise at our ultrasound when we did find out. Plus it has been great for me to bond with him. I know his name now and I can just wonder about him rather than what he is.
My little goofball born 1/2012
Agreed 100%. We are team green for the second time this pregnancy but it doesn't make me feel like I'm any better of a mom than anyone else. I'm pretty sure that people who know the sex are just as excited to be welcoming new life as I am.
Agree with both. Just because someone finds out doesn't mean they are doing it for materialistic reasons. And PP explained much better what I meant about being able to daydream about him.
Um, we found out the gender and I was NOT disappointed. I'm just glad to have a healthy baby to take home. Especially after having a loss with my last pregnancy. I think it's quite naive to assume people feel this way. And it's a surprise whether you find out at 20 weeks or 40 IMO.
I did not get caught up in "stuff" for the baby. I bought a few things, but I am able to practice self control. I think that you are unfairly judging people who choose to find out. We actually started the nursery before we found out the sex because the plan was to make it neutral colors, then add boy/girl accents when we found out. Honestly, our room could still work for either.
I found out the sex and I am still OVER THE MOON THRILLED to welcome my son into the world.
This is why some team green people annoy me. Just because you choose to wait, it does not mean you are better.
Rant over.
What is the point of this post? To "rant" about people who know the sex of their unborn children? Why would you need to be on a "soapbox" about something like this? If you're happy with your "team green" status, then bully for you. But the argument about how few surprises are left in life? Give me a break. How is it any different finding out at 40 weeks v. 20 weeks? Still a surprise! And the "materialistic" argument? Wow, don't you just think you're better than everyone else.
Hope you don't fall off that really high horse you're on...it's a LONG way down.
I hadn't planned on finding out with this one, but apparently I have an exhibitionist because I looked at the ultrasound screen and just knew instantly. My husband is the type who absolutely has to know everything because he's a hardcore planner, so part of him was just thrilled that I figured it out.
I have consoled myself with knowing what I'm having early by realizing that this kid is still an unknown quantity; I have a whole little person to get to know, and that will be a heck of a lot more interesting.
Second pregnancy and i'm still team green!! Having my son flipped up on my tummy when he was born and seeing that I had a son!! Well that made every back contraction and pain worth it..... I am looking forward to this time, to see the look on my bf's face when he sees our child for the first time! My nursery is a mess, nothing is gender specific. I have a small bag of girl clothes and a small bag of boy clothes. I have 2 HUGE bags of gender green clothes :P (yellow and green!!) Im excited and I wonder every day who this little creature in my belly is gonna be. Its hard but worth it!
Congrats to those of u that know!! I am happy with my decision as I am sure you are with yours!
I love team green people. There is a lot of pressure to find out and I give those who want to wait until the day of delivery, and follow through with that plan a lot of credit.
Two things really bug me though.
1) My husband and I chose to find out. We went into our level 2 ultrasound not knowing what we were having. WHen the tech told us, can you guess what that information was? That's right, it was a SURPRISE! So, the whole "I want it to be a surprise" thing is just stupid. Unless someone does IVF with gender selection, it's a surprise to all of us. SOme of us choose to be surprised at 20 weeks, some at 40.
2) Materialistic people tend to be that way about things in their life other than pregnancy and children. Lots of people with out kids focus on "stuff" too. And lots of people focus on "stuff" AFTER the baby is born. Finding out a gender before birth doesn't all of a sudden change someone's life priorities or make clothing and paint more important to them than their child.
I respect your choice not to find out but I really don't respect the attitude that it somehow makes you a better parent or makes you more focused on what really matters. FInd out, don't find out, neither choice makes you superior or more focused on the new life than someone else who makes a different choice.
Ah, the old clich? of "There are so few surprises in life!" I don't know about the rest of you, but my life is full of surprises. People who trot out that old warhorse must have pretty boring lives if they truly have so few surprises... or maybe they don't notice them. Anyway, that's quite a judgmental & cynical view you have there from on top of your soapbox. You make an awful lot of assumptions about people who made the choice to find out the sex of their baby, most of which (as you can plainly tell from the PPs) are unfounded. We, for example, don't even HAVE a nursery. We have a co-sleeper in our bedroom, some hand-me-down clothes, and a few store-bought items (that Materialistic Mommy just couldn't resist!), mostly practical stuff like pjs & outerwear. DH was hoping for a girl, I didn't care either way, and I gotta say it's been nice being able to call her by her name. If we're in that small percentage of parents whose US doc made the wrong call, our little prince will be wearing a lot of pink for the first couple of months... and I'm totally ok with that. (And, we have a boy name picked out as well -- just in case!)
Our society is too caught up in gender identity anyway -- pink for girls, blue for boys, Barbies for girls, trucks for boys... who cares, let them discover & forge their own identity! When I was a kid, I loved to play with dump trucks in the mud.
But that's another can o' worms...
I think Team Green is awesome. It is an awesome surprise and, for me, was something I really looked forward to. However, OP, a few things from your first post:
- As PPs have mentioned, finding out does NOT necessarily mean parents are obsessed with stuff and material things.
- It's always an amazing and fun surprise no matter what. My MIL was with us at our 20-week u/s, and it was an incredible moment. We cried and I held my husband's hand, went out to breakfast and did a small shopping trip to celebrate the occasion.
- Just because parents are finding out the sex of the baby doesn't always mean they care or are disappointed one way or the other. Speaking for myself, I honestly didn't care at all and was just super excited to know.
I was team green up until two weekends ago when my mom and sister threw my DH and me an gender reveal shower. We opened our eyes and were surrounded by our friends and family and beautiful blue shower decorations. We found out we are having a boy and it was such a surprise and special moment - I wouldn't trade it for anything.
For you to sit back and judge other people's experiences is lame.
We chose not to find out, but it was not because of the reasons OP said. I also do not agree with the OP that people that find out are focused on material things thats just a stupid comment to make. I would be trying to find all the same items I would need regaurdless if I knew the gender or not.
Our main reason for not finding out was because a certain member of our family has put A LOT of pressure on us to have a boy (carry on the family name BS) DH and I both knew that if the gender was a girl we would get "oh well maybe next time" comments from this person and that was not something we wanted to deal with for 20+ weeks. We may still get those comments after LO is here but hopefully not!
We found out with both pregnancies, and it was still a surprise even though we found out at 19 weeks both times. I'm a planner and hate gender neutral stuff and wanted to be prepared.
With this pregnancy, everyone SWORE it was going to be a boy since it was so different than my first...surprise, surprise when we saw 3 little lines on the ultrasound!
Knowing the sex of the baby certainly doesn't make me materalistic and such a generalization is pretty rude. It has been especially great knowing that we're having another girl as it's helping DD bond with her soon-to-be little sister. She'll kiss my belly and tell her baby sister stories, and point to my belly and tell people that's her sister. I think her knowing is going to help with the transition of no longer being the only child...couldn't do that if she didn't know what to call it.
It's a surprise and a special moment when finding out the gender of your child regardless if it is at an ultrasound at week 20 or the delivery room at week 40. No one is better off or superior; it's strictly personal preference. We are team green because we wanted our surprise in the delivery room.
Jeez this thread is full of hormonal, knee-jerk reactions on all sides. So many b!tches in third trimester (me included).
H and I tentatively planned on not finding out, but I just couldn't resist when the time came. I decided to find out because I really wanted a girl and because I was pretty sure, just through my intuition, that it was a girl. I wanted to have time to get used to the idea of having a boy if I was wrong, because I knew I would be feeling some personal disappointment (judge me if you want). Funny thing was that after I found out we were having a girl, I cared a little less, hah. I think if we decide to have more, we'll wait until the birth.
I get some of what you're saying, OP. I want to roll my eyes whenever someone says something like "oh now that we know the sex we can start buying stuff!" Very gender specific clothing and decor is just not my style at all, especially for girls. For some reason it seems like clothing in particular is labeled as "boy" simply because it isn't pink or purple.
I got so many bags pink and purple hand-me-downs emblazoned with "princess" and "angel" that I kind of regret that we didn't keep the sex a secret. My infant daughter does not see herself as a "diva," sorry. Goodwill.