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How to not be pushy?? (Long)

soralettesoralette member
in Baby Showers

A friend of mine who frequently puts off planning until the last possible second volunteered to throw me a baby shower, back in July when we first announced that we were expecting a baby in February.

At a party a couple of weeks ago, I mentioned that another friend (whom she doesn't know) is interested in helping plan and execute the party; she said that was great and to email her the contact information, making it clear that she did still intend to hostess a shower. I sent the email the next day.

I haven't heard anything back since then, including an acknowledgement of receipt of the other girl's contact info, but, then, the friend who's hostessing has never really replied to emails much and doesn't tend to call or text, either. (In short, she's really difficult to get ahold of! My usual method is asking her husband or waiting until we're in person, which is less than once a month. :-/ )

I'd really like to know when she's thinking of having it, so I can arrange Christmas travel plans without worrying about missing my own shower and can start buying the things we need (and thinking about buying 'em on Black Friday/Cyber Monday, etc!). I also need to arrange a bridal shower for a mutual friend of ours before her April wedding, and don't want it to conflict (or to try and properly hostess a shower with a two-week old or something!).

At what point, if there is one, is it reasonable for me to start seriously trying to pin her down to ask for a date, or at least a date range of some kind? Are there any approaches you would suggest for this?

I really don't want to be pushy about this in the least; I am very appreciative of her offering to hostess a shower for me at all, but I want to make sure I can plan appropriately around it!

---
♥ Married since June 2009 ♥
TW: Living children & Losses:
Mom of sons "Alpha" (Feb 2012) & "Beta" (May 2016)
Pregnant after 4 losses via IVF/FET with daughter "Gamma" (EDD Oct 2, 2019)
Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
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Re: How to not be pushy?? (Long)

  • sunnygatorsunnygator
    I don't think there is anything wrong with casually asking if she had pinned down any dates.  If she says no, then let her know that you are planning some holiday travel and if she would mind you suggesting some dates.  This way, it pins her down to selecting one of the dates you pick or getting her s**t together and coming up with one on her own.  I always think being direct is the best approach.
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  • rhubarb123rhubarb123 member

    First of all I would call her and ask if she got the info you emailed her.  Then I'd tell her you plan to start making holiday plans and ask what date does she have in mind for the shower.  If you can't reach her by email or phone drive to her house when you think she will most likely be there. 

    IMO, I wouldn't have said OK when she offered to host a shower for you in the first place (in July) knowing that she puts off planning to the last minute.  That would drive me nuts!

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  • GatorWedsNoleGatorWedsNole
    Could you maybe have your second hostess contact the first to get the ball rolling?  Just a thought.
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  • sanriobabysanriobaby

    At this point, you really have no other choice but to outright ask her about her intentions and plans of throwing you a baby shower. I'm also due in Feb, so I completely understand your situation b/c if she waits too long and tries to throw it all together at the last minute, you might not be able to even participate or enjoy it b/c it will be at the very end of your pregnancy. If you can't get a definte answer back from her in a timely manner (a wk is enough time for her to set a date), then get in contact w/your other friend and let her know that if she wants to throw you a baby shower instead that she's free to do so. If this friend gets bent out of shape about it, then too bad, she should have made an effort to communicate her "plans" w/you. Good luck!

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  • soralettesoralette member

    Thanks, very much, ladies! I appreciate the feedback. :)

    I'm glad that it's not out of line for me to start asking pointed questions at this point, LOL. And, yeah, the whole situation is getting a little unreasonable. Sigh!

    Thanks again! :D

    ---
    ♥ Married since June 2009 ♥
    TW: Living children & Losses:
    Mom of sons "Alpha" (Feb 2012) & "Beta" (May 2016)
    Pregnant after 4 losses via IVF/FET with daughter "Gamma" (EDD Oct 2, 2019)
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
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  • springplumspringplum

    imageGatorWedsNole:
    Could you maybe have your second hostess contact the first to get the ball rolling?  Just a thought.

    Sounds you may need to ask your second hostess to discretely take over.

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