so I'm feeling really strange...(got long, sorry)

october_artist · October 2011

Last night we were just about to go to sleep when DH told me about his friend's wife who is being induced tomorrow. She was a month ahead of me, and I also know DH's friend - we had talked about how cool it would be having our babies so close. Well, obviously that didn't continue. Needless to say, I ended up crying which sorta turned to sobbing which turned to a pity party which turned to a I'm totally insane. Then we got the doppler out and heard LO and I magically felt better.

Fast forward to 5 minutes ago. DH calls during a break at work and I ask how things are going etc etc. He tells me (as if he completely forgot the mess of last night) that his friend's wife is being induced tomorrow and it is his friends last night at work.....I am confused by why he tells me this, again, considering last night's situation. I say, "uhm are you telling me this because "your friend" is sitting next to you or are you just telling me?" and poor DH is like "uhm...what?" Cue crying once again. Tears were more this time for sounding like such a *** and for being mad at not being happy for someone I should be. Utter nonsense. DH can't console me since hes in his break room at work. Clearly not the place to have a (secretly) pregnant wife crying on the phone. I feel bad because DH is just excited and happy for his friend, and instead I made him feel bad for sharing.

So basically I'm just feeling so weird. Sad, mad, confused, and upset because I should be happy right now with this new LO growing strong and healthy, and I am but then these stupid bubbles happen where I just feel so messed up.

Does anyone have any advice for bypassing these hiccups? Does it get any easier after the EDD? I'm thinking it will.

lauralew · October 2011

My co worker was due a few weeks before I was with my first pregnancy. Even after getting pregnant, having multiple great OB appts, and being really happy and comfortable in this pregnancy, I still had a hard time seeing her super pregnant, attending her baby shower, and meeting her baby. However, it was still a lot easier than if I wasn't pregnant, I think. It's still a reminder of what could have been...and feeling sad or mad about that is normal and okay.

ETA: I will also say after my EDD passed I did feel a little better...but honestly, I don't know if I would feel as good as I do now if I wasn't pregnant/this far along.

october_artist · October 2011

lauralew:
My co worker was due a few weeks before I was with my first pregnancy. Even after getting pregnant, having multiple great OB appts, and being really happy and comfortable in this pregnancy, I still had a hard time seeing her super pregnant, attending her baby shower, and meeting her baby. However, it was still a lot easier than if I wasn't pregnant, I think. It's still a reminder of what could have been...and feeling sad or mad about that is normal and okay.
ETA: I will also say after my EDD passed I did feel a little better...but honestly, I don't know if I would feel as good as I do now if I wasn't pregnant/this far along.

Thanks Yeah, I can definitely say this would be much MUCH harder if I wasn't pregnant now, and I thank the Universe for this LO. *Thank You Universe!* but I hate the shakiness of these emotions. I think really once my EDD passes, I'll be feeling better and will be able to just be happy and excited for this time -- I'll be into the 2nd tri and hopefully everything will still be going good. FX. again, thanks for sharing Lauralew, making me feel less crazy.

Eris-Alexis · October 2011

I'm sorry you are having a rough time. It's totally understandable, and just because you are sad for you and your angel baby, it doesn't mean that you aren't happy for your friend. For me, it has gotten a little easier as I get further along and pass more milestones. I hope it's the same for you. ((Big HUGS))

chloebeth930 · October 2011

I think as our November due dates approach we will be feeling all sorts of feelings. The only thing that helps me is that I wouldn't have this little one if I was still pregnant. Which then of course can make you feel sad all over again for your 1st LO, but I dunno... that helps sometimes.

october_artist · October 2011

chloebeth930:
I think as our November due dates approach we will be feeling all sorts of feelings. The only thing that helps me is that I wouldn't have this little one if I was still pregnant. Which then of course can make you feel sad all over again for your 1st LO, but I dunno... that helps sometimes.

You are so right. I wouldn't have this LO if I was still pregnant, and I too try to think about this and it does make me feel better...I just hate the feeling up being turned upside down over one thing -- probably increased emotions as November gets closer and increased hormones as our LOs keep growing

high five for growing LOs by the way.

hungryhippo · October 2011

Hey you- I don't have advice, but I was lurking and saw your post so I just want to offer ((giant hugs)). I have heard the lead up to EDD is really hard, and can only imagine that your friend's labor is a milestone that brought up some anticipated EDD stress. ((more hugs))

emd2887 · October 2011

I think it's perfectly natural to feel that way. My first EDD was in August, and in July I had two cousins give birth. I had such mixed emotions- on one hand, I was excited about the new babies in our family, on the other hand, all I could think about was how I should be having a baby very soon too. It didn't help the fact that even though I was almost halfway through my pregnancy, my family members only talked about these other babies-never about mine, so I felt like my kid didn't matter.

It has gotten easier since my first EDD passed. There are still some raw feelings there (and I think will be for a while), but I feel like I am able to be genuinely happy for them.

october_artist · October 2011

Thanks for the supportive words everyone. ((hugs)) you girls are the best. PS: feeling much MUCH better today. I think hormones + lack of sleep + EDD emotions = outbursts. among other things Stick out tongue

After freaking out, I got the doppler out real quick, heard little one and then had a nice heart to heart with him/her. This is the first time I talked out loud/really really tried to connect with this baby- I've just been too scared to before. After that (PgAL brain tells me anything could still go wrong) BUT I'm feeling like I made progress. Me and this little one have a thing going now. and it's a good thing. a very good thing.

october_artist · October 2011

hungryhippo:
Hey you- I don't have advice, but I was lurking and saw your post so I just want to offer ((giant hugs)). I have heard the lead up to EDD is really hard, and can only imagine that your friend's labor is a milestone that brought up some anticipated EDD stress. ((more hugs))

hey friend! -- thanks for the hugs you always find me at good times.

yogiwannabmom · October 2011

october_artist:

chloebeth930:
I think as our November due dates approach we will be feeling all sorts of feelings. The only thing that helps me is that I wouldn't have this little one if I was still pregnant. Which then of course can make you feel sad all over again for your 1st LO, but I dunno... that helps sometimes.

You are so right. I wouldn't have this LO if I was still pregnant, and I too try to think about this and it does make me feel better...I just hate the feeling up being turned upside down over one thing -- probably increased emotions as November gets closer and increased hormones as our LOs keep growing

high five for growing LOs by the way.

That's a great point. Anyway I had a Nov.EDD too so I know how you're feeling with these mixed emotions. I think it's perfectly normal. You're not alone. Hugs.

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so I'm feeling really strange...(got long, sorry)

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