Anyone else insecure re: home study?

sugardumpling · October 2011

I read a sample one online and have looked at other peoples profiles and feel like we will never measure up. Or am i being an a$$ about it. Our house is not the biggest or nicest and our parents/siblings live 1-2 hours away from us. Neither one of us graduated college. This is 100x harder than on line dating. I need to stop worrying about the what ifs. I know but it seems so nerve wrecking.

Patches08 · October 2011

Everyone will tell you that birth parents pick all different kinds of families.. because it's true. I personally wanted my DD to grow up like I did.. a nice bi level house, 2 parents (and no college degree), stay at home mom... Those were just a few of the things I was looking for and found in DD's aparents. So rest assured there is a birthmom out there looking for your family, she just hasn't found you yet.

Dr.Loretta · October 2011

Nope. There's a birthfamily and a child for everyone.

We don't have the biggest or nicest house, and our families live far away.

But we had a safe, comfortable home that a child would love to grow up in. Our SW saw that, and that's how she wrote the report. Remember, they're not there to fail you, they're there to help you become parents.

Just like dating, there's always something "wrong" with someone. But there's always something right with them too.

dragossoul84 · October 2011

I was terrified of the home study and profile. We have an amazing house and my husband has two degrees but I dont have one I'm a stay at home wife. And I always worry that a birth mom isnt going to pick us because I'm chunky and uneducated. I also worry about how many pets we have, dont get me wrong we have plenty of room in and outside for them our home is 3300 sqft and we have a 3 acre backyard but when you read how many pets we have your like wth we have two dogs and 3 cats I'm terrified we'll be judged on that the most

kellz · October 2011

My mom actually had me scared to death that they were going to count the folded towels, check the refridgerator, and dust with white gloves...our SW did none of this! In fact, I had to coax her into a tour because I had spent so much time cleaning. In reality, our "homestudy" visit was really just her sitting and talking to us (yet again). She DID check for smoke alarms (funny I remember that), and the only comment made was "you have a lovely home". Our home is DEFINITELY on the small side and I considered it presentable and clean, but not what I would call "lovely". Basically, I'm trying to say that your SW will most likely be much less judgemental of you than you are of yourself. BTW, I consider you being a stay at home mom a HUGE plus- what could sound better than that to a BM? I worried the other way, that no one would pick us because I would have to work. Obviously, that wasn't the case and the most beautiful, perfect child for US was given to us. I am sure your journey will have the same happy ending. Good luck, and DON"T stress : )

orange1414 · October 2011

I'm very insecure, too. We had an adoption class this weekend and just about every car in the parking lot was a BMW or Audi. We drive a beat up Subaru. I felt totally inadequate among all these very wealth people who were also trying to adopt.

Hope2Have · October 2011

No joking, we worried SO much about our home study... cleaned for a week (under the tv, frig, closets etc) and she barely walked in the front door! She looked up at the ceiling and said "everything looks good!" and talked for a few mins and left. Argh... worried for nothing.

hway24 · October 2011

We were so stressed about our homestudy and getting picked. We don't have a huge house, it's a 3 bedroom Ranch style, my parents live 5 hours away and DH's live across the country, neither of us went to college, we're just normal people. But we made it through the homestudy easily, and are matched with a wonderful BM! The whole process is so stressful and you are definately not alone.

jenn985 · October 2011

You will be fine! Our house has a few improvements that need to be done, we don't make a ton of money, and my husband has a little legal "indescretion" on his record- and we flew thru our home study. Now it is just waiting for our little one to find us... You will do great! Just try and relax, tidy up the house, and try and enjoy getting to know your adoption worker! You will do great!

sugardumpling · October 2011

Thanks Ladies!

2ndTimeEpiphany · October 2011

I was SO insecure!!

Our house isn't very big, it's not new, we have two almost teen boys in the home already, I'm overweight, we've both been married before, etc.

But now, we received a copy of our completed homestudy and I was HAPPY. It painted a very good, but very real picture of who are.

We were enthusiastically recommended as adoptive parents.

You will be fine :-)

healthymommyinwait · October 2011

Sugardumpling- First, do I know your screen name from D&R several years back? If so, I remember your house, and it's not one to be worried about! (I "adopted" a new name for thebump)

Second...YES! It scares me silly. We have a checklist on the fridge of things that need to be repaired/finished before we can start the paperwork and get the homestudy rolling. With an old home, there is always something major, it seems. Right now, we're in the middle of doing our floors, next we have to rip up a room in the back of the house to replace a floor joist that has gone bad. I wish there little things that we could leave off the list because I am sooooo anxious to get started. I keep telling myself that I want a safe, welcoming home for our family. That helps me keep focused and motivated.

The other concern I feel is that I recently began my own health coaching business. While I work from home, I worry that the agency will see the situation as something that will take my time away from our kids. I guess we'll see what they say...

But enough about me....

You have so much to offer your little one! I think it's safe to say that your fears and worries stem from a deep, genuine place of love and care. I believe that love is what will stand out when your homestudy is completed. Deep breath, sister! We can do this!

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