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brideonjuly8
member
so, I'm feeling somewhat lost re: TTC *edited*
brideonjuly8
member
*Sorry, it posted way before I was finished LOL
This is NOT a pity-me post. I spent most of Monday crying about it, now I just feel like I don't know what to do next.
I'm going into cycle 6 of trying since my m/c. That's not a long time at all, but time is a luxury I don't have. DrS said after my surgery last year that if I wasn't pg in 6 months he wants to do another lap (because of how bad my endo got so quickly). I feel like I should check in with him or the NPs, but I haven't because I just can't bear to hear any more bad news. It's never taken me this long to get pregnant before, and I have this overwhelming feeling that something's not right. But I don't know what. We can't afford another surgery, we still owe my mom $4000 for my last one (and our new floors are our Christmas present from both parents, just in case anyone was wondering where that $ was coming from).
I don't feel that the Femara is helping me get pregnant- at all. It's AWESOME having normal length cycles, but I feel I would be KU already if they were actually helping. It IS giving me a stronger O and a healthier egg, which is great, but then what else is it doing? It's DRYING ME UP. I have tons of great EWCM not on it, and while I'm on it I have to dig for some, and it's barely there. NP says just because I don't see it doesn't mean it's not there, but if I normally DO see it, and lots of it, doesn't that say something? Still using preseed too.
The Acupuncture- obviously it didn't help this cycle. Do I continue? Even though INS is covering it 80% it's still pretty pricey. Is it helping? I don't know.
Do I stop everything? No meds, no charting, no Acu, nothing and "just relax" about it? With my crazy ass cycles I feel this would just drive me even more crazy not knowing if even our timing was good.
I dunno. I just feel lost about it. If you were in my shoes, what would you do?
Call and check in with the doc or NP anyway, just to see if there's something we should change and risk hearing things you don't want to? Just keep on with what I'm doing now? Drop everything? I'm just.....lost.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: so, I'm feeling somewhat lost re: TTC *edited*
I'm so sorry, Bride. The best I can offer is to take a deep breath and check in with the experts. It's his JOB to help you safely have a baby, and he's so damn good at it. It's always scary to hear that something may be wrong, and I totally get feeling scared that you may not be able to handle whatever he has to tell you, but you are in such good hands with Dr. S.
And trust your instincts re: the Femara. If you don't think it's doing the job, speak up.
Love ya, lady.
52 Choices For Better Health
Only you know if you can take a few months off and be "OK" with it. It may not get you pregnant but it may allow you to enjoy the holidays a little more and then start the new year.
Maybe just do natural stuff until January? Stick with the Accupuncture and maybe a new raw diet or low allergen diet etc? I can't remember if you're trying to lose weight but maybe focusing on what you eat instead of trying to get pregnant will help you feel better about your body and be healthier. Then when you get back to TTC, you'll feel extra sexy and your DH will make super strong sexy egg seeking sperm
Speaking of DH - can he do anything extra too in the coming months, since sperm takes 3 months to mature? Like vitamins? Boxers... I dunno. Just throwing some ideas out there.
He's already doing both.
I would definitely go in and talk with the doctor. But, in my honest opinion, I feel you are stressing a little, and that maybe what is hindering things. I know my situation is not the same, but I know when I stopped stressing so much, things went much better. I like the advice of maybe slowing down and enjoying the holidays (they can be stressful enough without the added stress you are going through at the moment) then pick things up in January.
But, def. go in and talk to your doc.
No gasket blowing here. Bride, I am so sorry you're going through all this. TTC and not getting anywhere sucks. I totally understand. And, in reference to the above, stress totally kills my EWCM. I mean, reduces it to almost nothing. I would definitely call your doc and tell him everything you told us.
You know, sometimes I get pissed when I hear stuff like that, but sometimes I don't. I think it does make sense. I know I've ovulated late due to stress before and both my acupuncturist and my OB have said that some people believe stress triggers your fight-or-flight impulses in your body, which includes making it more difficult for you to get pregnant when your entire being is consumed with a stressful situation.
However, I don't believe that in MY situation that it would be beneficial to take a "break" and not chart etc. Especially not chart. I don't want to have to go back to my dr in 3 months or so if I don't get pregnant and not be able to tell her that I know if we hit our peak fertility window or not because I feel like that's a waste of both of our time. If I were to take a break, it would be a break from timed sex and acupuncture, etc. Not charting.
Hugs to you, bride. I know it's so frustrating. And as much as I want to ignore that clock ticking, I can't.
BFP 12.20.2010 :: missed m/c 1/2011 around 8 weeks
BFP @ 9dpo 5.24.2011 :: missed m/c 6/2011 around 7 weeks
positive for ANAs (1:40) with a speckled pattern
MTHFR c677t mutation (heterozygous)
*folic acid, baby asprin, Prometrium, acupuncture, Lovenox*
BFP @ 9dpo 2.1.2012 || HCG = 8 : Progesterone = 19.2
2nd HCG @ 11dpo = 40 || 3rd HCG @ 21dpo = over 5000!
Stick, little one, stick! EDD October 15, 2012
::sits on hands to avoid blowing a gasket and steps right on out of this post::
::deep breath:: I'm ok. Right.
If you feel that it would help to take a break then I would do so. Personally, it never helped me to take a break. We had to take a month off in between each of our injectable cycles and it made me crazy thinking of the time we were wasting.
Dr S recommended a lap before we got pg with Kate and we opted to postpone it. We already had plans to go to Europe on our forced break cycle and DH (and I) did not want me to be recovering from surgery while we were walking everywhere. Bottom line, I would go in and hear what they have to say. He's not going to force you to have the lap.
It might be time to step up your meds. What's your Femara dose? I forget, have you had a SA? Are you drinking lots of green tea? That can help your CM.
Mostly, lots of hugs. I understand how frustrated you are.
I apologize if this response is a bit all over the place. There is a lot to consider, and my thoughts are going to several different places.
I'm not a bit fan of the "just relax" advice. It feels a bit like blaming the person trying to get pregnant for not being able to get pregnant. FWIW, I was incredibly stressed and felt completely hopeless when I actually got (and stayed) pregnant with DD #1.
Having said that, what I would do depends on several factors.
DD #1 was born after I had a total of 3 rounds of Femara (no IUI), 11 IUIs (6 with Femara and 5 with injectable gonal-f), 2 laps from Dr. S, and finally one round of IVF. I got pregnant from IUI #10 but miscarried at 9 weeks. DD #2 was a happy bonus on the third cycle of not preventing.
Back to the factors that would help me decide what to do:
-Age--I hate to start with this one, but it is the one factor you really can't change or deal with later. If I were 37 or older, I would push through with the most aggressive treatment, no matter how stressed I felt or how expensive it was.
-How many more children that I wanted--If I wanted several more children, I would again push for more aggressive treatment.
-Money and Insurance coverage--I am a pretty thrifty and fiscally responsible person, but I would take out a loan/go into debt if time were of the essence and I really wanted another child. You can dig out of debt later, buy you can't get your younger eggs back later. If you are younger (like under 35), then I wouldn't be so worried about taking a break to emotionally re-charge and save up funds for treatment.
Regarding cost--make sure Dr. S and the nurses know that you are paying out of pocket. I have donated leftover stuff to the office, and they might be able to help you if you ask about samples/leftovers.
Injectable fertility meds are really expensive, but I think you can do Femara plus a small dose of an injectable drug like gonal-f as a "boost."
When you want to get pregnant and can't, even a few months feels like forever. If you think it would help your frame of mind--even if time is important--I don't think it would be terrible to take a month or two off.
If you do go on to straight injectables, Dr. S only does injectables every other cycle, so that does become a bit of a built-in break.
You can also call and ask for an appointment to discuss treatment strategies/where to go from here.
I did a repeat lap 6 months after the first one, and the endo had grown back but was not as extensive as it was during the first surgery.
I would definitely call and ask for an appointment at this point. If you do go with a repeat lap, I would have the budget and time in place to do treatments for those crucial first few months post-lap so that you don't waste any cycles of your reproductive parts being cleaned up and endo-free.
As I fellow TTTC, I will put my two cents into this post.
I was super stressed the entire time we were trying to get pregnant. Do I think that attributed to us not getting pregnant? NO WAY! It does irk me when people say to "relax" and you will get pregnant. Um, I wish it would work that way. Perhaps for some people, that might be the case. I don't want to make that generalization.
But if you are feeling that something is wrong physically with your body, I don't care how much you relax, not chart, "have fun", your physical issues are not going to be fixed. I had a gut feeling something was wrong with me. I actually started treatments within 3 months of us TTC.
If someone told me to quit charting, taking my temp, etc. my stress levels would have gone through the roof. I felt that doing those things gave me some sense that I was working to get pregnant. It helped my type-A personality have some sense of control during that time.
I would recommend staying with the acupuncture. I did it. My cycles went from 60 days to a healthy 35 days in just three months. I actually got pregnant after a year of non-successful trying after 3 months of acupuncture. But I do feel that you have to believe in it for it to work.
I hate that you are going through this. I know the heartbreak, the living in a 2 week time frame each month, the agony and the stress. But I concur with everyone else, your doctor is there for a reason. Go see him. Get a game plan. Big Hugs to you!
Oh boy. I'm not going to tell you to stop stressing, not because I don't think you should stop, but because I know from experience that it's damn near impossible. Of course stress is not helping you get pregnant, but I know that you can't help but to stress, so telling you to stop stressing over it is a moot point.
When we tried for 16 cycles to get pregnant with this baby, my own DH would tell me to stop stressing and obsessing over it. Irritating, sure, but there's know way he could understand - it is impossible to "un-know" the things you know about charting, tracking your cycle, looking for fertility and pregnancy signs each day.
There were things that I did to try to divert my focus, and the main one was fitness. I started working out regularly, eating better, and my mantra was that I was going to lose 60 pounds or get pregnant. I lost 39 before I got pregnant. It never made me stop obsessing over my cycles, but it did give me something else to focus on and honestly it did lessen the pain of not conceiving a little bit each month.
Also, I really turned to my faith in those last couple of months of trying, which I can see now is what God was trying to get me to do the whole time. I found a very inspriational blog, that I ended up reading from the beginning, that you might find interesting (if I remember right, you're Catholic, aren't you?). It's called All You Who Hope. Fantastic story. The cycle that we were successful, is the only one that I honestly, truly "gave it up to God". I mean, I really really did. Sure, I still took the Clomid, still inspected my CM every day, counted days, peed on OPK's etc. My DH was sick almost the entire week of peak fertility, so we didn't even do much "trying" - we only did it once. So while in my mind I was still "obsessing" over those little things, I honestly did have a sense of calm and much lower stress level overall about the whole thing.
Anyway, I have no idea where you are spiritually, and I'm certainly not telling you what to do in that regard. I just wanted you to know what I did, that I really think had an impact. In your case, I would definitely check in with your doctor's office just like all the pp's have said. Maybe you do need a little higher dose of the Femara. Also - I know you're taking preseed, but have you tried Mucinex? I did take it for a few days that last cycle, but I was convinced it wouldn't work because I screwed up and got the DM kind (which dries you up), not the regular kind at first, and took it for a day or 2! I took the regular kind for another day or 2 once I realized my mistake, and I did see a difference, but I wasn't convinced it was enough of a difference to work. I would also definitely keep up with the accupuncture. I've never tried it, but I was definitely considering it. The way I see it, it's a win-win, esp if your insurance is covering 80% of it. Definitely let them know about the stress/anxiety you're having so that they can treat that too. Understand that it's not an overnight deal - it will take a little bit of time to get your body into harmony so definitely don't quit yet!
Finally, big hugs to you. I am praying for you and I know it will happen for you.
When 3 Became 4
I don't have a lot of advice, but I do agree with Rosie and others who suggested at least getting the info you might need. Then you can decide how to proceed. For me, it's a lot better to be armed with knowledge rather than second-guessing everything because I don't know what's happening. It makes me feel more in control, even if I am not in control.
Good luck to you and lots of hugs.
Oh honey, big hugs! Are you coming tonight? I hope to talk more then. In the meantime, I don't have a lot of advice (I would look to you for that!) But going with that, I would say to trust your gut. If you don't think the Femara is working, then call the doc. If you are worried about the endo, I agree with pp that it's better to know and then decide how/if you are going to deal with it. Not knowing won't make it better. And who knows, maybe it won't be so bad and that will be one less stresser. And definitely keep with the acupuncture. It certainly can't hurt, and may make it better. I know it helped me in the past and I'm going to look into it again specifically for my own TTC difficulties. I have faith in that chit.
Me, too. (((Hugs)))
BTW, I don't think HSartteach was saying that your stressing is causing the problems. I don't want to speak for her but I really don't think that's what she meant, even if it might have come across like that to some.
Same here! I am thinking of you!
I have a lot of thoughts on the struggle too so forgive me if I butt in.
I don't think anyone has said relax and you will get pregnant. We're all too freaking smart to really believe that. That being said for the two years we were TTC we always took a break for November and December. That way I wasn't taking drugs, temping, or having timed intercourse during any "family functions." Did we get pregnant? no. But we did have a chance to reconnect, enjoy sex again (because seriously sex when TTC starts to suck... a lot), and I drank freely and had as much bad stuff as I wanted. It was a good mental break that would help gear me up to face the battle again in the new year. TTC is stressful it messes with your mind you need to be super strong to face it month after month. Sometimes we all need a vacation.
As for testing and seeing the doctor-- knowledge is power. The more you know the more choices you can make. Do you need another lap? How will that help? How will that change things? What changes in your drugs can you make? I know everyone loves Dr. Seeker but have you considered a second opinion? We spent four months with my OB doing failed IUIs before we went to Texas Fertility Center. The thing that hit me over the head was Dr. Vaughn mentioned at our first visit that he'd just seen my OB at a fertility treatment class he taught. Duh. I graduated from the student to the teacher-- I had more knowledge. It never hurts to go see an RE to discuss your options. As great as Dr. Seeker is most of his practice is women who are already pregnant-- where as with an RE they do nothing but treat women who can't get pregnant. Those doctors are going to see a lot more unusual situations, deal with cutting edge research, and just be another source of information for you.
Have you had DH tested? It's the easiest, least invasive test and we did that it changed everything in how we approached our infertility. In our case both DH and I had issues. We thought we were fixing mine and still not pregnant which I found unbelievably frustrating and stressed like no other about. Turns out we never had a shot... no matter how "fixed" I got.
Finally, big hugs. This journey is ridiculous and frustrating. I often feel like I am the only woman in the world who's body has completely failed her. But I'm not. It just seems like everyone gets and stays pregnant at the drop of a hat. You and I know that's not the case-- and that is so unfair and seems so cruel. But I've found the more you talk about it the more you find people who have been in your shoes. Do what you need to do to stay strong and get your mind around it. But it is one hundred percent okay to feel down and depressed sometimes too.
Sorry for the ramble-- it's what I do lately. You can do this!
Married October 28, 2006, TTC since March 2009 IUI #1-8 w/ clomid = BFN
IVF # 1 May, 2011 = BFP!!! Stillbirth at 26 weeks (placental failure/severe IUGR)
FET #1 February, 2012-- BFP! Beta #1=84 Beta #2= 207 Beta #3= 3,526
Our Rainbow Baby is on the Way!
I understand your frustration. Does your acupuncturist specialize in fertility? I switched to one that specializes and definitely see a difference. It took 3 months of treatments, but now I'm ovulating on my own. It takes time. Do you feel better after it? I feel more relaxed and at ease afterwards. It has the added benefit of being a nice mental break for me.
Go see your dr. Make sure you know what you are up against. If you don't know, then you'll drive yourself crazy with the what-if's.
Good luck.
I would talk to your doctor.
And I just want to give you big hugs.
:-/
Thanks, ladies, for all the thoughtful advice. And the hugs felt wonderful.
I have an acupuncture appt for tomorrow. And I called the nurse line and left a message and just got a call back. She's grabbing my file and consulting with either DrS or one of the NPs to talk about everything and see if there's anything that needs to be done.
To answer a few of the questions- No, DH has not had an SA done. It was thrown out there right before I found out I was pregnant in January, but after my m/c DrS felt certain he was not an issue since *technically* he's gotten me pregnant 3 times now, but this all may change soon. I'm on the lowest dose of Femara and always had a great response (aside from drying out a bit).
Not seeing a therapist, but that's definitely something to consider. I do feel quite along in this struggle.
And the faith thing- that's been weighing heavily on me as well. I know I need to step it up and there's no time like the present.
Thank you all, so much. If it weren't for you guys and this outlet I'm sure I would have cracked by now.
Hmm... That's exactly what her post seemed to say to me, but perhaps I am reading too much into it. I certainly don't think that HSartteach meant to be hurtful, but it is/was extremely hurtful *to me* when I was told to relax. I don't think people who have an easy time getting pg can really understand how hurtful that comment can be. I finally had to have a serious conversation with my mother about it because it was so hurtful to me. No amount of relaxing was going to get me pg- I don't ovulate.
Like I said, I don't think that she meant it to be hurtful, but when I hear people say things like this now I try to explain to them exactly how hurtful it is (to some) so that they can avoid hurting others in the future.
Now I realize that I am projecting my own TTTC issues onto this post, but I just can't seem to help myself. Puppies and rainbows all around. HSartteach- we're good, right?
TTC #1 since February 2011
BFP #1 1/14/12 EDD 9/24/12 m/c at 8w4d on 2/20/12
March 2012- Dx with PCOS, started metformin
July 2012- SA completely normal
You already got lots of good advice. Just a few thoughts I had, I would definitely have your DH get a SA. It's cheap and easy. Just b/c you have gotten pregnant in the past doesn't mean he doesn't have issues.
Also, have you talked with Dr.S about the femara with IUI at all? Does he even do IUI, I don't know? But alot of times when you are on these meds that dry you up, it is a benefit to bypass the lack of mucus and just put the sperm directly where it needs to be.
I would stick with the accupuncture. How often are you doing it. I found that after I had been going every other week for a few months, going monthly was all I needed to keep my cycles regular.
Lastly, just big hugs. I have been there and know how absolutely frustrating the whole situation is, to not know exactly what is wrong, therefore not knowing exactly what to fix.
Did you get stuff from acupuncture medical? That helped us.
Yes, absolutely. My sister had this exact problem and the SA gave them answers. Send me a FB message if you want more details!
Married and it feels so good!
As in herbs? She hasn't given me any yet. Should I ask for them?
Again, I am sorry that I have offended so many people--that was not my intention. I guess in the future I will listen to my gut and keep my .02 to myself and just offer my hugs.
And yes Kiara, we are good.
ETA: for spelling
As in herbs? She hasn't given me any yet. Should I ask for them?
[/quote
Yes sorry for the delayed response. Ask her for stuff for your DH. We think it is what helped my DH along with my acupuncture. He didn't have a SA so we aren't sure that was an issue but it took us 8 months to get pregnant.