DD doesn't like being alone in her room at night (long)

VARedhead · October 2011

I've been reading about this online and apparently it's a common problem, so I'm hoping some of you have success stories to share!

We started transitioning DD to a big girl bed (read: a twin mattress on the floor), and she seems ok with that. Even before we started the transition, she was getting worse and worse about us leaving the room at night. It was sort of shocking because for much of her young life, she was fine when we left the room. I don't think there was any traumatic event, just her realization that we could stay.

Now that she can get out of bed, it's chaos. She throws stuff around her room in the midst of her tantrum, and today she actually got her fingers pinched in a folding table we have in her room (which is coming out tonight). She's totally fine as soon as I open the door and if I stay, but as soon as I make moves to leave, she becomes hysterical. She can also apparently open the door (new information to us!), so I don't really know what to do about that. Put on one of those door knob locks? I can't really leave her door open, or have her open it because she'll come to my room and never leave.

We have one of those turtles that shines stars on the ceiling, we have her old crib aquarium within reach so she has the ocean sounds and light from that which she can control, so I don't really know what else to do.

Help!

QueSrah · October 2011

We haven't gone through this yet, but I'm sure it's coming.

Has she talked about shadows being scary or something? I've noticed with T lately that she'll ask detailed questions about any light source in her room (including car lights outside that reflect into her room), the shadows different lights create, etc. Maybe the turtle and the aquarium aren't really creating enough light to allay her fears of what's dark beyond their reach? (Plus, doesn't the turtle cut off after about 20 minutes? Our ladybug does...)

AgrippaRidesAgain · October 2011

DS and a lot of kids that we know went through another separation anxiety phase at 26 months old. Even kids that never really had strong separation anxiety phases went through it at that age. I bet it's partially that.

Could you take her to pick out something special (yet another night light or a stuffed friend) to keep her company at night? DS also started talking about "scary things" coming out of the dark at night at around that age. A night light "specifically made to scare things away" helped significantly.

We put a pressure mounted gate in DS's doorway when we were having problems with him leaving the room. He hates that thing, so it taught him to stay in bed pretty quickly b/c he didn't want the gate to go up.

Hey Jellisy · October 2011

Shortly after 2 DD became afraid of the dark and we went through a few months of leaving her light on. I don't think she slept as well with the light on, but it was better than the fuss not having it on created. We transitioned to her light off and the hall light on a few months ago and that is working well. It's still pretty bright in her room, she can look at pictures in her books. Like PP, DD became more aware of her surroundings and shadows and they seemed on occasion to bother her. She also became much more aware that she can manipulate thing, primarily me, and I think she likes having that control. We've re-established some control - DD loses privileges (like the door open all the way, she hates having doors shut) if she keeps on leaving her room. I turn a blind eye to playing quietly in her room when we are not there.

victoria1212 · October 2011

we had a terrible time with the transition from crib to bed. We had issues like you are describing and honestly, bedtime became a HUGE battle. We had to stay in the room until she fell asleep and if we even tried to leave if was a full blown temper tantrum. The gate and door knob things were useless because she easily got over/got it off in seconds.The door knob thing caused a full on panic attack. It took several months to adjust for her and a lot of times during this transition- she crawled in bed with us. I never thought I would be the parent having our 2 year old sleep with us but I needed sleep.The bedtime battle went on for weeks....maybe even most of the summer. Then, one day, she was fine with her room again.

She absolutely refused to sleep in the toddler bed and slept on the floor. A few weeks ago we got her a full size bed and let her pick out her sheets. She now sleeps in the bed.

Sorry, probably not what you were looking for.

tracy042206 · October 2011

We leave a small light on and have a gate on her door - that way it is open but she can't get out (well now she can but she knows better).

We sometimes have the stay in bed problem or stop playing and go to sleep problem but that is usually it.

VARedhead · October 2011

Thanks, ladies! DD hasn't expressed any specific fears, but I don't know if she would know how to articulate shadows and stuff. She has said "turn the light on" but I turn on the turtle and aquarium. Maybe tonight I'll try to leave her overhead light on (it's on a dimmer, so I can leave it low) and see if that helps.

I really appreciate you guys chiming in! Even if it's not a success story, it's a huge relief to just know that I'm not alone!

smacb · October 2011

We still have a gate on his door. DS went through a phase where every light, noise and shadow in his room freaked him out. I read him books, say his prayers and then sit with him for a few minutes. He's usually asleep or almost asleep when I leave his room.

JKM416 · October 2011

My DD had a similar sleep regression-type thing at just about the same age as some other kids (2 years and 2-3 months old). She had been sleeping in her "big girl" bed perfectly fine for two months. We were lucky that she stayed put, but she'd scream and fuss for hours. Her crying was definitely an "angry cry" instead of indicating being scared Soothing her, giving in to demands (water, tissues, etc.), repeated check-ins, lying with her, etc. didn't work.

We put a gate on her door and left it cracked. She could have busted out if she tried, but the visual was enough to send the message. Also, we gave her a small photo album of pictures of family and friends, and that became her favorite bedtime item for a while...maybe it provided some reassurance? We had a pretty bright nightlight, but I didn't allow more; I wanted darkness = bedtime = sleep. She had a music box she'd turn on after we left the room as part of her routine, and she had a basket of "buddies" (stuffed animals) from which she could select four every night. I was convinced it was a control/power/manipulation thing, and DH was enabling it. So I figured that if we stuck to a routine let her have control over some things leading up to bedtime, maybe she'd relent on us actually leaving the room.

Eventually I was able to get DH on board with tough love. Since I didn't think there was anything traumatizing her, like shadows or thoughts of monsters, finally one night I told her when we left the room that we weren't coming back in. Plenty of fussing followed, but we held firm and within a few nights she was back to being our fantastic sleeper (and has been ever since) just in time for DS's arrival, thank goodness.

Good luck! We were ready to lose our minds because NOTHING worked (except being Mean Mom, which I didn't enjoy), so I feel your pain.

vtmezzo · October 2011

Pure bribery worked for us - when we brought DS #2 home a few months ago, DS #1 (who was always a great sleeper) started throwing fits at bedtime. We tried the Supernanny approach (put back, no talking, etc.) and he started falling asleep sobbing on the floor of his room. So sad.

We started bribing him with the promise of a Jelly Belly jellybean in the morning if he stayed in his bed all night. Worked like a charm!!

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DD doesn't like being alone in her room at night (long)

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