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DD started K and now school wants to move her to 1st grade.
I'm in dire need of advice, words of wisdom or whatever you have to offer.
A little background: My daughter's birthday is October 2 and we live in MA. The age cut-off to begin K is 5 by september 1. Prior to the last school year, her pre-K teacher said dd was ready to go to K and reccommended that we enroll her in the private accredited Kindergarten program they offered which did not adhere to an age cut-off. We did so knowing she would likely have to repeat once she got to public school since the cut-off for public First grade is 6 by september 1--we simply thought it would give her a leg up to be a bit ahead of her peers, particularly if she was ready.
Last winter however the district altered their age policy to allow parents to advance their children to first grade provided they had successfully completed a full-year of K, had teacher recs and could show academic proficiency. This was likely in response to new families coming in from towns/states which have a later cut-off. Her teacher said dd was one of the smartest in the class, picked up the material quickly and strongly pushed for advancement. Come springtime, we agreed and went through the necessary steps.
The district administered language/math assessments and observed her for one hour in the classroom. Although she scored very high for her age, they were on the fence and chose to air on the side of caution since it was the first time they were doing it and said no. Her teacher was vehemently opposed to it and we tried to appeal the decision but the best we got was "we want to observe her in our own classroom for a bit and then maybe advance her at some point during the year."
Well here we are almost 2 months into school. They have redone the same assessments, come to the conclusion that academically she is an above average first grader and, after speaking with her current K teacher, she can and should move to first grade. But they are leaving the final decision to my husband and I.
After all we went through last spring, the discussions, the appeals etc I'm happy and pissed at the same time. She is settled in her class, knows the processes, etc. Although she has made some comments in the last few weeks that lead me to believe she may beginning to feel boredom, she has also made some good friends and is quite comfortable already. I'm also struggling with how to approach it with her or with the other moms of kids she plays with--some of whom are good friends. She's quite adaptable, is very well-adjusted and I think we are leaning heavily to advancing her but i'm just nervous about what happens next.
Thoughts?
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Re: DD started K and now school wants to move her to 1st grade.
I can only tell you what we decided and what our thought process was, though obviously others may have done the opposite for their own reasons. I taught kindergarten for a few years and always told parents that when in doubt, they should wait (assuming their child was on the borderline of the cutoff--not saying people should hold their kids back to start kindergarten at 6 1/2 or something!).
K is October 2 and the cutoff here is Dec 1, so she could have started kinder this fall. We ended up deciding to do another year of preschool instead, but it took eons of agonizing over the decision. She's academically very smart (starting to read, can do basic math, has a crazy vocabulary, learns really quickly, etc.) but her preschool teacher noted last year that she got frustrated and cried really easily, and can be very emotional. We weren't sure whether this is a personality trait or a maturity thing, but after reading the research (which kind of goes both ways), we decided that in the end, we couldn't hurt her by waiting a year. No one we talked to or read about online regretted waiting, but we heard lots of stories from people who regretted starting their child too early. It may be fine in elementary school, but often it catches up to them by middle/high school, and then it's too late to retain without serious implications to their self-esteem. Plus, did we really want her going to high school with 18-year-old men any earlier than she needed to? Did we want her dealing with issues like drugs and sex when she might be a year younger than the other kids and maybe not mature enough to make good choices? It seemed like waiting was a better bet for the long run, so she'll start next fall at 5 (almost 6). The cutoff here is being moved back to Sept 1st anyway, so if she'd been born a few years later, we would've had to wait and wouldn't have had the option to start her at 4.
There are plenty of people who say they skipped a grade or started school at 4 and became valedictorians, etc. but what I found in my own research was that there are also lots of them (and lots of parents) who would have waited if they had it to do over again. I never found anyone who said they waited and regretted it. School isn't what it was even a few years ago--every grade level, down to kindergarten, is very academic and skipping a grade might mean skipping over fundamentals that will be built on in the future. With her being on the young side, I'd err on the side of caution.
Kiwi Fruit, 10.2.06 & Ellie Bug, 4.5.09
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First, not sure if I was clear, but she did complete a full year of Kindergarten (quite successfully) last year with no noted social issues from her teacher. So her second year of K is what just began and the school is looking at this as technically not a promotion since she's already done it, their feeling was why make her do it again if she doesn't need to.
second, I have thought about the fact that she'll graduate at 17 and not 18. Be the last one to drive, drink etc. Then I thought about my own youth. I was one of the oldest in my class, but my best friends were some of the youngest--late october. I spoke with them and they really didn't feel like they were at a disadvantage too much because they always had older friends who could drive, buy alcohol etc. My thoughts on that is that it's hard to know how mature a child is going to be when they are older and unfortunately your age is not indicative of maturity after all, I was pretty immature.
It's funny because if we lived in the next town over (cut-off Dec 31st) this wouldn't even be a discussion because without hesitation, I would have started her last year when she was ready. But because she's born 30 days after the cut-off and we live a mile down the road we have to analyze all the what-ifs.
If it were my child, I'd move her. You said she technically did complete K, why make her repeat it when she already knows it. I wouldn't want to hold her back. You know your daughter and what she is capable of. I don't think that her making new friends would be a problem and I think she would most likely pick up on the new routing easily. I would be afraid that if you didn't move her she might become one of the disruptive kids because she gets done with her work and is bored.
Is she in full-day or half-day? The jump from half-day k to 1st is crazy huge. I have no experience with transitioning from full-day k to 1st but I imagine it isn't crazy, just huge. The transition is hard enough when a child is going through it with everyone else at the start of the year. Going through it essentially by herself into a class with established routines/expectations seems like it could be pretty rough.
IDK. But I think if you and she are happy enough with the current class, I wouldn't move her.
Such a tough decision! I was an Oct. 4th birthday and always the youngest in my grade. A senior in high school when I turned 16 and could finally drive, 17 when I graduated and started high school and a senior in college before I could legally drink! Did I wish I could have done those things sooner and closer to when my friends were...yes. Did I ever wish I was in the grade behind me...no. It's hard though because around here the trend is really to hold back- even some spring birthday's! So your DD could easily have kids a full year and a half older than her in her class if she's moved to 1st.
All of that said...I think you're doing a bigger disservice to her by holding her back. My neice was in an identical situation...she's a July birthday. My SIL sent her to private K and then public K the following year. 2 weeks into her 2nd year of K they told SIL she needed to move. She was reading well when the other kids were barely beginning to learn to read and very mature. She's in 5th grade now and still doing great! They had done the exact same thing with my nephew who is a June birthday and it worked, but he was small for his age and an immature boy.
I also agree with the kids are resilient comment. Unless she is really shy, I think after a week or two she'll fit in just fine with her new classmates. My DD is in 1st and the girls are really still sweet and welcoming at that age.
Good luck with your decision!
I say, as hard as it is, leave her. I was moved to 1st grade after a few weeks of kindergarten.
I am sooo fine, and nothing horrible happened, but I was always immature. I didn't feel as confident in HS or college as a result. I was more of a follower than a leader. I still turned out ok, made good grades, went to college, but think I would have been better off. Especially now with everyone holding their summer birthdays back. Some of her classmates will turn 19 in HS???? I wouldn't want my dd in that situation.
My dd1 is an October bday with a Sep 30 cutoff. She is in Pre-k and reads alone and has many advanced skills. I will not move her up.
If you move, I don't think she'll be irreparably harmed, but I think it is better to leave her where she is.
The social side is why the school hesitated in the first place. Her pre-K was out of district and they only had one hour to observe her in the classroom setting. They wanted an opportunity to examine her closer in their own classroom for a longer period of time. About 3 weeks into this year, prior to them doing the second round of assessments, her current K teacher told me that from a social perspective she sees no reason why she can't move to first grade.
She does just fine with older kids--in fact seeks them out sometimes on the play ground. She's not shy and does make friends easily.
I think my maturity wasn't an issue until 5-6 grade. But everyone is different.
It is a hard decision. Good luck!
Do you mean from a puberty stand-point? other girls getting period, boobs, boys etc? My dd could very well be a late bloomer--I was, but DH was very early so who knows!
I had to make the decision to start DD when she was four. After being evaluated by the school and her own therapists, it was determined that she was ready. Then I had to transfer DD to a school with a different age cut off when she was half way through KG. She's a full year younger than all of her classmates. Almost two years younger than those kids who were red shirted.
Academically, it's never been an issue. Socially, it wasn't an issue in KG or even really in 1st grade. However, now that she's in 2nd grade I'm starting to question whether or not I made the right decision. Not because DD is really immature or anything, but because I feel like she's having to mature faster than I would prefer just to keep up with her peers. For example, a lot of her friends are "going out" with boys and DD just doesn't get it. She thinks they're silly.
DD's also pretty small for her age, so she's got that going against her too. She's made some great friends though, so I'm hoping there won't be any major issues with the age difference. I definitely see how it might get difficult when she enters middle and high school.
I think it was puberty and just general maturity. I was more silly. Cutting up and acted more juvenile than some of my peers in Jr. High/high school. I didn't turn 18 until college. Didn't drive, parents didn't want me out as late as my classmates because I was younger which was hard. All kinds of different things.
Academically I was more than fine and took advanced courses.
It could have just been how I am, though.
Ask yourself, are you okay with her wanting to do boy-girl parties, wearing make-up, shaving, etc. a whole year earlier than you may have planned?
I was moved up and these and other coming-of age issues were always a fight with my parents. I wanted to do the things my friends were, they wanted me to do things at a certain age.
I was not as socially mature as my classmates and it made the hard pre-teen years that much harder on me.
I have strong opinions on this subject and would never do this to MY child. I know it is a tough decision and there are pros and cons for both options. I think the cons of keeping her where she is will be shorter lived that the cons of moving her up.