Introduction

MNCP · October 2011

I had a anxiously awaited (over ten years TTC) daughter via emergency c section on oct 8, the baby is fine and healthy. I however was having severe apnea, pre eclampsia symptoms, and panic attacks which kept me in the hospital until friday the 14th. There were a couple of days when my DH, mom, and Dr. didn't think I was going to make it.

I went home and my mom was in town helping me and all was going well (hormonal crying mess, but my docs had said it was all within reason.)

So saturday the 15th was an awesome day. I saw a light at the end of the tunnel and felt like I was going to be okay.

Sunday the 16th, my uncle calls and tells my mom (who is 2000 miles away in texas with me) that my baby brother (34 years old) has died. He had been sick and had been to the emergency room but was sent home, he played some penny ante poker with my nephew, went to sleep and didn't wake up.

I'm not sure if the postpartum depression board is the place for me, I haven't lurked or gotten to know the ropes at all. (so if I'm in the wrong place, please let me know gently).

But I figured this board may help because I do have a 11 day old baby, who was born at 37 weeks gestation, and I can hardly take care of her because I feel like I can't breathe.

My grief is overwhelming, my brother was my only sibling, he was so excited to meet his niece (but he didn't get to), I hadn't seen him in almost 2 years ( I usually visit in the summer, but was too pregnant and too sick to visit this year).

And the baby and I cannot fly or drive to the funeral.

How can I be a good mommy when I am not finished physically healing from my c section and complications and now I am mentally destroyed. My heart is broken, I can't breathe, I can't help anyone in my family, I feel helpless yet I'm responsible for someone who truly is helpless.

Please excuse my ignorance if this board was not the place for me to post. (I'm sorry if this was inappropriate, I just couldn't think of anywhere else to go where someone might understand)

ksspiff · October 2011

It doesn't matter if this is the 'right' board or not. We will not kick you out, so don't worry about it. There are other moms here who have had to deal with equally devastating type losses after having a baby. I hope one of them is able to read this post and respond with their experience.

It sounds like it's going to be hard for you for a while: combatting crazy hormones, healing from a c-section, loving a new baby and mourning your brother. No one should blame you for your limitations in travel or helping, especially yourself. Know that almost every new mom feels overwhelmed just by being a mom - that is completely normal! And if you are of a spiritual inclination, think about the brand new, very attentive, guardian angel your daughter now has.
I know my words are poor solace, but you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

EVA116 · October 2011

You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry you are going through this. I know what is like to lose a sibling. I lost my sister and didn't know how to exist in a world where she didn't. I lost her 5 years ago so I had not just given birth but I did go through PPD really bad and thoughts about my sister were always there because I knew she would never meet my child. The grieving does get easier but will never go away. My DD actually looks just like my sister so sometimes i find it hard to look at her. (my sister was 10 when she passed)

Just ask for help when you need it...call on your friends for support. And this board is always here to talk. If you are spiritual just know he is in God's hands now...he must have been needed in heaven. And it is weird but it helped me to know that there is no time in heaven....we will be with my sister in a blink of an eye to her. I pray every night for God to give her a big hug for me....I will add you brother too.

ugh, I don't know if I am helping at all....but the main thing is that I will pray for you and your family and understand that you are amazing and will get through this.

MNCP · October 2011

Thank you both for your responses, they are a tremendous solace.

My remaining family is supportive, but so far away.

It helped so much to be able to tell someone who is also going through the post baby hormones, it's so hard to separate between baby hormones and the other feelings.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, my baby, brother, and I all need and appreciate them!!

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