Do all mom's of 2+ children have a favorite child? And is it OK?

mhollidayesq · October 2011

Watching Anderson and it's the topic of the day. Some mothers (apparently some studies suggest this too) say yes and admit to having a favorite and other mothers say it's not true and they love all children equally.

I don't really have a firm opinion. I know of mothers who do have a favorite and others who say they don't. I used to think my sister was my mother's favorite...and then I found out my sister thought I was the favorite. LOL. That's when I realized we each were the favorite in different ways, which to me means she really didn't favor either one of us.

What do you all think?

SheenaNash1 · October 2011

I don't think its realistic to love all of your kids in the same way. I've heard this over and over as a teacher that "fair doesn't mean equal" and I think applies to loving your kids. I will always be fair in the way I treat my kids and how much I care for them, but I know that may not mean I love them all in the exact same way. Does that mean I have a "favorite"? I don't think so. I think it just means I will appreciate my kids for the individuals that they are and I love them for different reasons.

Cholzmei · October 2011

I think it's probably okay to have a favorite. I think it's NOT okay if you treat your favorite unfairly (like Sheena was saying) or talk about how one of your child is your favorite all of the time.

I have a favorite cat (of my 4 cats), but they are cats... so they don't really care if you say, "Zumi is my favorite" all day long... you know? With kids, I think it would do some serious psychological damage to say something like that. My brother is for sure convinced that I am the favorite, and he is still bitter about it.

SheenaNash1 · October 2011

Cholzmei:

I think it's probably okay to have a favorite. I think it's NOT okay if you treat your favorite unfairly (like Sheena was saying) or talk about how one of your child is your favorite all of the time.

I have a favorite cat (of my 4 cats), but they are cats... so they don't really care if you say, "Zumi is my favorite" all day long... you know? With kids, I think it would do some serious psychological damage to say something like that. My brother is for sure convinced that I am the favorite, and he is still bitter about it.

I'm totally the favorite over my brother...but maybe that's because hes a druggie who steals from them and I'm a teacher... :shrug:

mhollidayesq · October 2011

SheenaNash1:
Cholzmei:

I think it's probably okay to have a favorite. I think it's NOT okay if you treat your favorite unfairly (like Sheena was saying) or talk about how one of your child is your favorite all of the time.

I have a favorite cat (of my 4 cats), but they are cats... so they don't really care if you say, "Zumi is my favorite" all day long... you know? With kids, I think it would do some serious psychological damage to say something like that. My brother is for sure convinced that I am the favorite, and he is still bitter about it.

I'm totally the favorite over my brother...but maybe that's because hes a druggie who steals from them and I'm a teacher... :shrug:

LOL? Not that it's funny that your brother is a druggie and steals, but it's just funny because you are probably right that's the reason.

kmiller1012 · October 2011

My sister's and I always say my parents have favorites. They swear they don't. My mom said I will understand once this baby is born. She said that you love your children equally but for different reasons. I'm sure my mom is right about that. I hope I don't show favoritism. My sisters friend does and it is really sad to see

jayleigh68 · October 2011

Here's my take. I think you love all your children equally but you don't like them equally. For example, I love and adore my two cats... but I definitely like one more than the other.

MelbaCat · October 2011

jayleigh68:
Here's my take. I think you love all your children equally but you don't like them equally. For example, I love and adore my two cats... but I definitely like one more than the other.

i agree with this. I think you love them equally but for sure there are different things you love and like about each. And sometimes you probably like 1 more than the other. That to me seems normal.

sunnyday016 · October 2011

This is hard for me to answer because I honestly cannot imagine loving another child as much as I love my daughter. I know I WILL once our son is here and I get to know him and his personality, but for right now seems impossible. My dad told me that he and my mom felt the same way about me when my sister was born, but the love you have for your second is just as immediate and intense as it is with your first- so that's what I'm counting on.

I think it's possible to love your kids equally, but love them differently.

MsHenry30 · October 2011

I can honestly say that I love my children equally. I do not have a favorite at all. However I can definitely see where that might happen as they get older and into adulthood.

That being said my Dad treats me as his favorite of my sisters and has told me numerous time that my two children are his favorite grandchildren and it pisses me off. So who knows?

books4brooke · October 2011

sunnyday016:
This is hard for me to answer because I honestly cannot imagine loving another child as much as I love my daughter.

I was going to say something similar. I love my son beyond what I ever thought was possible. And I actually worry about having to spread my time because I just love him so much and don't want him to be upset. I just can't even imagine loving another being as much as I love him. I know I will, but it's just hard to imagine, and I want to love them both, equally.

andreajd818 · October 2011

There was actually just an article about the "science of favoritism" in Time magazine. I read it, pretty interesting. I am sure I will LOVE my children equally, but will love and appreciate them for different reasons.

addison_clark · October 2011

I can honestly say I do not favor one of my kids over the other. There are things I like better about one kid than the other but then I can just as easily find a trait I love better in the other child. I also have days where I feel closer to one bc the other is behaving awful or one was especially sweet, etc. In the future, I may end up having more in common with one of my children than the others and therefore closer, but I really do not agree that you can have a "favorite".

Texas77again · October 2011

ditto what everyone else said about loving your kids equally, but in different ways, since they are different people.

p.s.- i totally have favorite dogs. it goes in this order: banana, bear and rudy (tied for second), paco, china, jose and tyson. favorite cats: bad baby, croutons.

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