Do you think I need help?

I first experienced depression at 16 and went on meds, from then on I would sporatically take meds for depression but it seemed that they would only help for a few months and then I would think I was fine and give them up. Plus they made me gain weight and sleep weird (I only tried 2 diff meds tho). I hadnt been on meds since 19 and I am now 24. At first after having a baby I felt tired, but otherwise great. I am so in love with my DS. However, at 3 weeks I took him to the pediatrician bc he had been making lots of noises at night. They diagnosed him with GERD and said to try to not stress out and watching him breathe so much. So I get home from the doc visit and he was sleeping in his pacl n play napper so I stopped over watching him for abt 5 min then I look over and his lips were blue. He woke up when I picked him up and turned back to color. They did a sleep study and found he has apnea and is on a monitor. They never really gave me a reason for his apnea. But I figured we would get more answers at his pulmonary visit, well there we saw the physicians assistant and he never really gave many answers. He also said after listening to Brayden for just a few minutes that he has laryngomalacia which makes his breathing loud. He said that he should outgrow all of this and he prob has apnea due to GERD and laryngomalcia and immaturity. 

 I am used to his monitor now, although its stressful going places with it on-if it went off it would be super loud and people would stare. But it seems as soon as I start to feel more comfortable around DS something happens. For instance his monitor went off for first time at daycare and they said he looked blue around the lips--could have been bc they were freaked out and in a blue bouncer. Then he gets super pale when sleeping. The docs dont seem to be too concerned-even though his oxygen dips when monitored during sleep study. They just kind of blow me off and say no biggie (Ive seen 3 different docs). I was already feeling overwhelmed by all of this stuff going on and already feeling depressed and scared. Then a few nights ago he woke up at 4 am with his loud breathing (he sleeps in a napper pack n play right by my bedside) and I was half asleep trying to wait to see if he would go back to sleep. Then he made a loud noise that alarmed both my husband and I (dont remember what it was-too tired) so we starred at him and he arched his back, stiffened and then went limp. I picked him up and he was still limp for a few seconds before waking and being fussy. I called the emergency nurse who told me to call 911. They said he was fine. I went to pedi next day and she said it was most likely a reaction due to his reflux but hard to tell since I didnt have on video. Then she told me to watch for seizures. So now I am overanalyzing everything he does. I cant keep my eyes off of him and I never place him down unless its at night and hes sleeping-in which case I mostly place my hand on his belly and wake up so many times to check on him. I am trying so hard to enjoy him but all I can think is what if he dies? Then I google stuff on the internet about his conditions which leads to other things to look at and end up on sites abt SIDS etc. We never go anywhere except for daycare and even then I stress the whole drive. Especially since he chokes bc of reflux (and has a cold) and II wouldnt be able to reach him if he had a bad episode. I snap at DH all the time. I dont have family around and no true good friends so I feel as if I'm in it alone. I feel completely overwhelmed and stressed. I'm just wasting away his infancy by wishing he was bigger so we could hopefully outgrow all of this. And even tho we spend all our time together (except daycare) bc I'm so scared to leave him alone-I'm a ball of nerves at everything he does. I finally made an appt with my gyno for Tuesday to see what she says. I'm just so scared and I dont know how to handle it all anymore. I'm sorry-it just helps to let some of this out. Thanks