In or out of the closet?

Hiper85 · October 2011

I work in a spa/salon with over 80 women. At all times there are at least 3 women KU and I am constantly get THE question of when we're having babies. Since coming to terms and beginning to deal with our IF issues the past 4 months I have confided in close friends at work. Word spread in the last couple months and this past Saturday I was fed up with THE question and announced it to everyone in the break room! Im tired of hiding it but now I'm nervous its going to make things harder...

Are you keeping it a secret or is it out?

brookelynpaisley · October 2011

I'm as "out" as the situation deems appropriate. Some coworkers know a lot, some know nothing. My closest friends know a lot, our family knows some. It honestly just depends. I feel that it's right for me to be open and honest and raise some awareness, but I also respect that my husband may not want people to know everything, so I censor as necessary.

tombomb84 · October 2011

I've told most of my friends, but not our parents/grandparents. It has helped me during the past few months dealing with IF to have people to share and talk to about it, even when they don't totally understand. My friends have been so so supportive and I love them for it! Sure, sometimes people say dumb things but they do mean well.

We are not telling parents/grandparents because we don't want them to worry and have to go through the ups and downs of IF. I would rather just tell them the good news when it happens and surprise them.

dimples128 · October 2011

brookelynpaisley:
I'm as "out" as the situation deems appropriate. Some coworkers know a lot, some know nothing. My closest friends know a lot, our family knows some. It honestly just depends. I feel that it's right for me to be open and honest and raise some awareness, but I also respect that my husband may not want people to know everything, so I censor as necessary.

This. There are some people who I don't want to know because I don't want to hear it every single month. We don't want to make a big deal about it but also want people to know that it's not right to ask about it all the time.

CGoldman96 · October 2011

brookelynpaisley:
I'm as "out" as the situation deems appropriate. Some coworkers know a lot, some know nothing. My closest friends know a lot, our family knows some. It honestly just depends. I feel that it's right for me to be open and honest and raise some awareness, but I also respect that my husband may not want people to know everything, so I censor as necessary.

Ditto this! Everyone in my department knows, but only because of the appointments. Ever since my m/c, I wish they didn't know though, because some ask way too many questions. As for family knowing, most of our immediate family know, but none of the extended family.

Hiper85 · October 2011

dimples128:
brookelynpaisley:
I'm as "out" as the situation deems appropriate. Some coworkers know a lot, some know nothing. My closest friends know a lot, our family knows some. It honestly just depends. I feel that it's right for me to be open and honest and raise some awareness, but I also respect that my husband may not want people to know everything, so I censor as necessary.

This. There are some people who I don't want to know because I don't want to hear it every single month. We don't want to make a big deal about it but also want people to know that it's not right to ask about it all the time.

Bingo

So far ppl have been considerate of that as far as family goes. I think more ppl at work knew then I was aware of and have been quiet around me.

Ms H13 · October 2011

We've told most immediate family, and a few close friends. I honestly wish I could un-tell a few, and I've had to educate a few others as to how to approach the topic, but overall we have made good choices regarding how open to be. It is different for everyone. GL!

Hiper85 · October 2011

cinciem:
I'm basically out. I had some really emotional days after my mc and I had to tell them or look bsc. People have been great about not asking too many questions and just saying nice things like "I'm thinking about you guys" or "keeping you in my prayers."
I thought telling would be a mistake, but actually it's been a big relief.

Im sorry for your loss.. that must be so difficult. Thankfully some people are sensitive enough to think about what they're going to say. those are kind words. Its good to know you felt relief.. I hope I do too.

Shayliz · October 2011

Our immediate family, my boss and a few coworkers know. Some days I feel like just coming out to everyone about it, but there is part of me that still shields my struggles from the rest of the world. I think it's more denial though "If I pretend I'm not struggling, maybe I won't!"

Hiper85 · October 2011

Shayliz:
Our immediate family, my boss and a few coworkers know. Some days I feel like just coming out to everyone about it, but there is part of me that still shields my struggles from the rest of the world. I think it's more denial though "If I pretend I'm not struggling, maybe I won't!"

I understand completely... If only that were true!

wifey2be2010 · October 2011

We are half and half. Our close friends know, My mom knows but that's it.

Hiper85 · October 2011

What about your fathers? My dad told me yesterday that he wished I didn't keep things from him. I didn't know what to say! I never wanted him in the dark and knew my mom would share everything with him. Its just easier to let my mom talk to him about it then talk with him myself because I'm a total daddy's girl and he makes me so emotional! I felt horrible!

BlueEyeZ1981 · October 2011

Close friends and family know. Mostly because I got sick of answering the when are you going to have a baby question. Being able to tell them has helped a little but I'm still sick of the be patient, prop your hips, put frozen peas on his junk and all the other myths that are out there. Those things won't fix the fact that I don't ovulate.

Hiper85 · October 2011

BlueEyeZ1981:
Close friends and family know. Mostly because I got sick of answering the when are you going to have a baby question. Being able to tell them has helped a little but I'm still sick of the be patient, prop your hips, put frozen peas on his junk and all the other myths that are out there. Those things won't fix the fact that I don't ovulate.

Yes

emmypants · October 2011

I've got 3 online friends that know, one who went though 2 IVF's and now has a gorgeous little girl and one online friend who has PCOS and is in the process of testing and another who has PCOS and has a gorgeous little girl as well. And my husband and the boards. That is it. I've talked a little in my blog & on twitter, but my family doesn't know about those.

emmypants · October 2011

BlueEyeZ1981:
Close friends and family know. Mostly because I got sick of answering the when are you going to have a baby question. Being able to tell them has helped a little but I'm still sick of the be patient, prop your hips, put frozen peas on his junk and all the other myths that are out there. Those things won't fix the fact that I don't ovulate.

I haven't heard that one before lol. What's that supposed to do? LOL.

limpetfan · October 2011

I'm out to anyone who reads my blog -- which is a lot of people I know, and many people I don't know. Initially, that felt like a huge weight off my shoulders, but with each failed cycle it gets harder and harder to face people. I feel like I'm disappointing so many more people than I was when we were keeping it quiet.

It's a personal decision, but if you couldn't hold it in anymore, I'm sure you made the right one!

ccam · October 2011

Our immediate families, my best friend, my boss and a co-worker (who I ran into at the RE's office) all know. At times, I wish I could tell everyone who makes a stupid or hurtful comment to us, but then I don't really want all the questions month after month. And then other times I wish no one knew but DH and I. After we do have kids, it would be easier to be open about it. I really feel like people need to be educated on the subject in general.

katib77 · October 2011

I' about as out as out gets. I did a facebook status a week for infertility awareness week back in April, My work, pretty much everyone knew starting at about the beginning of this year, and they all knew when I was in a treatment cycle because I had to keep leaving early (I work at Target and walking 8 miles a day with HUGE follies is not good after about 6 hours I couldn't take anymore). My close friends and every one in the family knows every detail.

Some days I wish I had kept it a little more secretive, but that's just not me. I'm a very open person.

pantsarella · October 2011

Very few people know about our IF. My boss, because of my appointments, and a couple of really close friends. We haven't told our families because neither are very supportive of us having kids (for really stupid reasons). Some days I feel bad that I don't really have anyone to talk to about it, but when people aren't asking prying questions, I remember why we're not telling people.

Rvnsgrl81 · October 2011

My mom knows and some friends know and as it is appropriate others are finding out. However I have limited what I now tell my two BFF's because they all know it all, had no problems getting KU and just tell me to relax and it will happen. Angry

So therefore I am careful in who I tell what to and what I say as well.

eponine7682 · October 2011

I am out to close friends who are coworkers. No one esle.

katieworek · October 2011

It seems the further we get down the IF path, the more open I am with people in letting them know the truth. It feels a little better to just be able to be honest with people and so far, the majority that know have been respectful. I would say I am out for the most part.

It's hard because somedays I feel like everyone needs to know how common IF actually is and how it impacts every aspect of your life, and then other days I don't want to answer questions about it. I guess it just depends on the day.

doggie mama · October 2011

katieworek:

It seems the further we get down the IF path, the more open I am with people in letting them know the truth. It feels a little better to just be able to be honest with people and so far, the majority that know have been respectful. I would say I am out for the most part.

It's hard because somedays I feel like everyone needs to know how common IF actually is and how it impacts every aspect of your life, and then other days I don't want to answer questions about it. I guess it just depends on the day.

This is pretty much how I feel, and for the most part we are out. With work, I have just found it a lot easier because I tell my boss I can't come in, or will be late at the last minute, and it's like "say no more." My specific unit is now down to me and one other person. I told him because we have to basically carry the load until they hire us some more help. So i thought it was only fair to let him know what to expect from me. Everyone else, like friends and family, I needed them to know because I need people to understand that DH and I are going through a very hard time right now, and if we aren't ourselves, or seem like we're unavailable, IF is the reason, and it has nothing to do with them.

Melissa0926432 · October 2011

We haven't told anyone - I'm not close with my family - and everyone basically thinks we don't want kids so its easier to let them think that then to explain the reason we don't have kids isn't because we don't want them but because we are having trouble.

lynn0926 · October 2011

I am in the closet at work. I am tired of my close friends and family even asking questions. So, only 2 people know that I am cycling right now, my sister, and my friend who just had her ET. I keep lying to everyone else.

BabyDreams711 · October 2011

100% Secret!! I admire so many of you for being able to share, but I am not like that. I am very private and get upset enough just discussing things with DH, I can't imagine if family, friends and coworkers knew! 1 of each of our sisters knew we were considering having a baby when all this started, but since there has been no news, and the prospective date has come and gone a few times, I think they think we decided not to. My mom would drive me nuts but she would not mean to, and his mom and other sister are complete town gossips, so that's why it is not going to be let out there! Good Luck to all of you!!

tayray1 · October 2011

We are "out" of the closet. We told family and close friends that we were ttgp when we started with was aug 2010. Now those same close family and friends know that we are struggling with it..I won't go into depth with my testing with very many people, but they will know if we have to do IUI or IVF. I will need their support!

dragontears507 · October 2011

I'm keeping it a secret from family. I just can't deal with the constant "are you pregnant?" or pity each time they find out I'm not KU yet. I told some close friends and have had to tell some new friends when the situation got awkward in regards to why I don't have kids (DH is military so it's sort of expected). Sometimes I think I'm just going to blow my cover and explode. I'm hoping it doesn't happen while my MIL is here for two weeks. Yikes!

mdiblasi10 · October 2011

My husband and I decided to be completely open and honest with everyone we know. Family, friends, co-workers, Facebook. We wanted to bring awareness to IF. MH even tweets about it and has been posting the None in the Oven videos on his Facebook. I am really proud of him

I can completely understand why couples want to keep this private. For us, it felt great to be so open about it. Everyone has been so wonderful to us and we have been able to educate those who do not understand.

Jerem2911 · October 2011

Secret - only one person knows besides H&I. I like it that way because then I don't have anyone asking what's wrong that we haven't gotten a BFP yet.

byrne15 · October 2011

I am out of the IF closet.

I stayed in for almost 1.5 years, but finally came out and am quite glad I did.

SMF&ADS091507 · October 2011

We are "in the closet" with the exception of our bosses at work. DH needed to be upfront b/c he has to be at work by 6am most mornings and that doesn't work for giving samples and the RE's office hours. I needed to let my boss know so that if I miss work or am nuts when on meds I don't get in trouble.

DH's family would drive us nuts with questions and my family would mean well, but probably say the wrong things. There are days I do wish we were out more so that I had some IRL support.

btaylor19 · October 2011

katib77:

I' about as out as out gets. I did a facebook status a week for infertility awareness week back in April, My work, pretty much everyone knew starting at about the beginning of this year, and they all knew when I was in a treatment cycle because I had to keep leaving early (I work at Target and walking 8 miles a day with HUGE follies is not good after about 6 hours I couldn't take anymore). My close friends and every one in the family knows every detail.

Some days I wish I had kept it a little more secretive, but that's just not me. I'm a very open person.

I am as out as you can be as well. I also did the facebook statuses and my coworkers all know because when I'm going through a medicated cycle I give them fair warning that I'm going to be a hormonal mess and to not take anything personally those few weeks.

Mrs.Slick · October 2011

brookelynpaisley:
I'm as "out" as the situation deems appropriate. Some coworkers know a lot, some know nothing. My closest friends know a lot, our family knows some. It honestly just depends. I feel that it's right for me to be open and honest and raise some awareness, but I also respect that my husband may not want people to know everything, so I censor as necessary.

This exactly.

maggie2324 · October 2011

We are very much IN the closet. Because it's MFI and men get weird about that sort of thing, DH wants it completely a secret.

I did tell one of my friends that I hardly see who has no connections to my other friends or family. She has been trying to conceive for 5 years. Did one ER for IVF and is about to do her first frozen transfer. I was dying all alone and isolated, so I had to tell her.

My SIL knows we've been trying and that we're getting frustrated. She also knows that DH had a S/A done, but that's all. Her advice "be patient and don't stress about it." Because that's what worked for her. (She was trying for an April/May 2011 baby - b/c she's a teacher - and it didn't work. She ended up with a July 2011 baby.)

We will know Nov 30 if DH's morphology improves or if we are moving to IVF with ICSI. Maybe then we can tell at least close family... I hope.

kellygksu · October 2011

Close friends and some immediate family knew during the first year that we were trying. Once I had to have a lap and we started seeing an RE, we told our parents, my grandma, and most of our close friends know. After my surgery, several of my co-workers and my boss know as well. I feel better that people know.

Want a personalized experience?

In or out of the closet?

Re: In or out of the closet?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards