What's the difference between PPD and depression?
I haven't posted on a bump board in awhile, but I remembered that there was this board and decided to get some advice. Please be kind to me; I'm not asking you for a diagnosis, just a finger, pointing me in some sort of direction. I just don't know if this is typical depression or PPD. Thanks for any information you can provide.
My youngest is almost 6 months old. With my first, I was diagnosed with postpartum anxiety; while I think this is somewhat accurate, I think most of it revolved around who was caring for my child while I worked and all the stress that entailed. Once that was taken care of, and I was able to be at home, I was a lot happier and didn't worry as much.
I'm not wondering if I'm depressed again - I know I am. My concern is whether this is regular depression or postpartum depression. I love my children. Every day I am more than aware that without them I would probably be much more self-loathing and far more likely to revert to previous poor choices on dealing with my depression. For all practical purposes, 'they keep me going' so to speak. And yet, I look at them and know that I am a failure (I cry as I write this). I have no friends to speak of. I mean, I have people I talk to, but no one I trust and *no one* who's not flaky. My ILs seem to hate me, so much so that they haven't even seen my youngest yet. My family isn't a source of support, either. Really, this list goes on and on with what's 'wrong' with my life. I can't think of a single person that I know who would be in my shoes and think "Wow! What a perfect life I have!!"
That being said, though, I'm not making excuses for being sad so often. I know that I am in control of my outlook and I certainly try to make the best of it, BUT I feel like I'm drowning and there's no one to help me. I don't expect anyone to save me, to figure it all out, and magically make it better. I just don't know if this is anything I need to bother a professional with, because my reaction to all the yucky things in my life seems 'normal' to me. I tried discussing this with my husband, but he doesn't seem to understand. I know that I'm lucky because I stay home with my boys and I don't have to work; I'm thankful for this opportunity, grateful even, but I'm drowning and I just wish it felt like someone cared (other than my boys). I don't want my oldest to think this is normal; I don't want the memories he has of his young, young childhood to be of mommy crying so often. I just don't know what to do.
Thanks for reading this.
Re: What's the difference between PPD and depression?
I think it is PPD. But whether or not I am right, you still need to get some help. I don't think you can just try and have a postive outlook and everything will get better. You recognize you are not well and that is an awesome step. And believe me I have been there.
Smile....you will not feel like this forever
It sounds like you need to get to your doctor ASAP and have a chat with them about it. It does sound like depression (the drowning feeling). My doctor told me when I was diagnosed with PPD that after about a year of PPD treatment it starts moving into "regular" depression. It doesn't mean that you need different medication necessarily (if that's the route you've gone), but that what you're experiencing is a bit different than PPD - just that being post partum has exacerbated it.
I'm sorry that you're feeling like this. I absolutely know what it's like to feel that way and like you have no reason to feel sad. It's a crippling way to live.
Wishing you the best!!!!
claudia poirier
Little Dude: 16 Apr. 2009 | Little Doll: 10 Jun. 2012