Girl's middle name advice

Allibob · October 2011

My husband and I have pretty much settled on naming our daughter Fiona, and I thought we had agreed on Leigh as a middle name. Leigh is my middle name, and my husband wanted to use it with this and some previous names. However, recently he has been insisting he wants to name her Fiona Marie (Marie is his mom's middle name). I'm hesitant to name her after his mom, but I know my dad in particular would take HUGE offense to this. He is overly sensitive to any signs of favoritism to my in-laws, and this is a big deal being our first child. My husband's family has a tradition of using family names, but my family does not and I don't feel inclined to either. He himself is a 3rd, and I wonder if he feels pressure?

Both my husband and I are very close to my mom - she's an amazing lady, but I'm biased. Unfortunately, her middle name is Lou. The options I can think of are:

1) Put my foot down for Fiona Leigh. If I really make a stink, I know my husband will concede. But I want him to be happy too.

2) Combine the two mother's middle names into Marilu. Not my favorite, but if he insists on using Marie I feel strongly about including both sides of the family.

3) Pick an entirely different middle name and convince him to accept it. Less likely to be successful, since his reason for using Marie is the family thing.

4) Go along with Fiona Marie and name our next child after my family (we plan to have 2 children). This will likely be a problem if we have a boy, since there will be major pressure to name him DH the 4th. Also, my dad may not live to see our second child's birth, and he's the one who will take the most offense over this (closely followed by me).

My question is, what would you do in this situation? I'm open to opinions on any of the names chosen.

LollipopsAndCrisps · October 2011

It sounds like SOMEONE is bound to get butthurt in this situation, so I would do whatever you and YH think is best, and stop worrying about everyone else so much. I'd pick a new middle name, such as Fiona Kate, and just tell everyone that they had a chance to name their children, and this is how you decided to name yours.

I LOVE Fiona, BTW, but am not a fan of Leigh (sorry) or Marie. They're just NMS. Marilu is horrible, just horrible. If you decide to do some sort of name combo, why not use Marlo? Fiona Marlo could totally work.

GL with whatever decision you make; it sounds like it will be a tough one!!

moxie9 · October 2011

Umm, first and foremost, leave the families out of this and choose a name that you and your husband like. Also, remember this is about your daughter--if you choose Marilu, you were thinking about other people's happiness and appeasement and not the best possible name you could give her. Then, think that if you have another child that's a boy, you'll already feel pressure to use the name from your husband's side (and if it's a girl, you have the option of using MIL's middle name). With these factors in mind, you really shouldn't feel pressured or obligated to use a name from your husband's side of the family for this baby. If you're going to be offended by the use of Marie, then don't even consider it.

Btw, I love the name Fiona--fantastic choice.

austenreader85 · October 2011

I'd pick a different middle name than either of the choices. Or, find something else that can be made into a "family tradition" such as choosing a name that starts with the first letter as your maiden name. He probably does feel some pressure and some people just like to use family names because they think it makes them more special and they're more sentimental. That could just be his naming style.

Sloane99 · October 2011

LollipopsAndCrisps:

I LOVE Fiona, BTW, but am not a fan of Leigh (sorry) or Marie. They're just NMS. Marilu is horrible, just horrible. If you decide to do some sort of name combo, why not use Marlo? Fiona Marlo could totally work.

Marlee is also a good mix of the two.

sbost0118 · October 2011

Hate Leigh - it's my middle name too and I've always hated it. I think if Fiona Marie offends your dad, he's too sensitive. You aren't named after anyone so it shouldn't be important to him how you name your child. Does he even know your MIL's middle name?

I really do like Fiona Marie just based on the sound and flow of it.

redheadem · October 2011

Love Fiona Leigh. That was actually on my list but dh vetoed it. I would either use your middle name or pick another mn all together if this will cause an issue.

StephCripps · October 2011

I'd use MaryLou before I used Marilu

apc1929 · October 2011

I think especially if he is going to expect a IV if you had or have a boy, and you are using his family LN, then I really don't think he should be pressuring you to use MILs name. I would be really annoyed with that. It does seem a bit favoring his family I think..

hmr22 · October 2011

I would stick with Leigh, that way no one can get offended, plus if you have a boy the next time and name him the 4th, then both of your kids will be named after you & your DH. Also, if your DH's family has a tradition of using family names they shouldn't have a problem with Leigh since it is your middle name and thus a family name.

HannahO28 · October 2011

Time to man up and make decisions apart from what your family thinks. This is your child, and in all likelihood, she's going to have to live with this name for fifty or more years after your parents have passed away. Name her what you want to name her.

Allibob · October 2011

Thanks for the feedback. I planned to avoid family names altogether and just pick a name that we like for our child. I'm just trying to take my husband's opinions into consideration and not steamroll him the way that I would feel steamrolled into using his mother's name. In reality, he's still working on establishing boundaries with them, and this is not the first time it's caused friction between the two of us.

I dislike Marilu and don't think that's a valid option for us. My maiden name is Carey, which is our good friend's first name. I really like it as a girl's name, but if we're staying away from family names then we're staying away from family names. I actually like the way Fiona Marie sounds, but I am going to push for using either Leigh or a completely unrelated name. Thanks again for honest opinions!

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