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XP: 3 year old losing a pet

Bride2bMOBride2bMO member
in Pre-School and Daycare
Posted on Special Needs too bc DS has autism. He's 3.
I'm so bummed, our dog is only 8, but has lymphoma. Could be 6-8 weeks, or much less. We are unsure how to handle with DS. He is at school, we just found out. He has a lot of anxiety, and he fixates on things like "ouches" and dead plants and has a long memory. And we have 2 dogs, so the other will be a constant reminder. Should we prepare him in advance? We are Christian and have talked about heaven and how my dad is there, but he was gone long ago so DS has never dealt with an actual death. Any thoughts? Do we have him say good-bye when it's time? I know this is a personal issue, but your opinions are welcome.
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Re: XP: 3 year old losing a pet

  • JillBradyJillBrady

    We just lost our one dog right before my DD turned 4.  We had to have her put to sleep she was so sick for so long.    I didnt' want DD to find her dog dead at home or be reminded of a spot where the dog died.  We put her to sleep at the vet hospital while DD was at home with a sitter.

    It was hard on myself and DH so we told DD we had to leave our dog at the dog hospital because she was very sick.  During the week we talked about dog heaven and that if our dog got very, very sick, she would go to dog heaven and not be in anymore pain, etc...  Everyday we would say that the dog was still very sick and not feeling good.

    After a week of the dog being "gone" we told her that the dog had died and is now feeling all better in dog heaven.  She cried that day.  Then a little each day after that.  After a week of reinforcing that the dog is feeling all better in dog heaven, she finally was better with it.   She now talks about our old dog and is fine.  It's been 4 months.

    So sorry to hear about your dog. 

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  • Bride2bMOBride2bMO member
    Oh my, I feel insensitive now because I see the post that someone is losing their mom. I should scroll. :(
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  • Bride2bMOBride2bMO member
    Thanks, Jillbrady. I'm sorry about your dog, too. I hadn't thought about us waking up to find him dead and what that would do to DS. It's hard to weigh that against trying to get more time with him. Ugh, sucks!
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  • JillBradyJillBrady

    Hi.  We waited until the day she probably wouldn't have made it through.  She was really, really bad that day.  We added 6 months to her life by doing everything we could.  In the end, we knew it was her time to go. 

    I thought the vet was the most humane way since she would not suffer.  I could not bear to think that my daughter might be there when my dog was truly suffering and dying.  I thought it would be too much for her to visually handle at almost 4.  I don't think I could have handled it well myself, let alone be strong enough for my daughter at the same time. 

    We did get a new puppy recently and she's over the moon about it. 

     

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  • kmhunt11kmhunt11 member
    Be careful about creating an associate with the vet as the place animals go and never come back.  My Dad's dog had to be put down in Feb and we told DD he went to the vet and wasn't coming back because he was very old and sick.  We had to take our cat to the vet a couple months later and DD totally freaked out that the cat wouldn't be coming home.  She's still a little wary of the vet.  Just watch how you word it.  So sorry about your dog.  Pet are so special and definitely family members.  
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  • Melzig76Melzig76 member
    First off I'm sorry. Lymphoma is such a hard battle to win and it is so difficult to watch your pet live with it. I work at a vet hospital and we have this book in our lobby for clients to read. It has helped a lot with our clients and their children. You could also ask you vet hospital to make a paw print, so that your son could have a reminder of his loved buddy. I have made them for several people using Sculpey and it is very easy and they are easy to cook. This is a kit  that is on Amazon..may be worth doing, especially since it is so inexpensive  I hope this is able to bring you a little help.
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  • CiarraiCiarrai
    I just had to put down my dog that I've had for ages.  The kids weren't as attached to her because she was so old (17), but they still were upset.  We didn't tell them anything beforehand.  When they got home from school that day, I sat them down and told them that Cassie (the dog) had gone to heaven and she wasn't running and jumping and wasn't hurting anymore.  They talked about how they were going to miss her but they were happy she was with God.  They also wondered if she had wings now.  I'll admit I didn't tell them the vet put her down or anything.  I just said the angels came and got her spirit and took her to heaven.  We still get comments and questions (almost two months later) but not too many and usually they're ok with my nebulous answers...
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  • June2007June2007 member
    We just lost our dog about a week ago. She (the dog) broke her back And she was too old to really consider surgery. DD#1 was very upset. I googled 'toddlers and pet loss' and several sites popped up with helpful tips. I would fund them but I'm on my phone. We told DD that Ellie (the dog) broke her bones and was in a lot of pain and the animal doctors tried very very hard to fix her but couldn't. We reassured her that if she broke a bone though that people doctors could fix her because people are easier to fix (didn't want her to worry about hurting herself and dying!) but animals are hard to fix. We told her that Ellie died so we couldn't see her anymore but we would always have fun pictures and memories. We said it was ok to be sad and miss her though and to let us know if she has any questions. The emergency vet we went to actually sent us a card with her footprint on it and DD has carried it around ever since. she also named one of her stuffed animals Ellie and has become very attached to it, so DH and I make sure to show affection to her new Ellie

    My DD is like yours and cries when she sees a cut down tree or dead flower. It's so hard to see them hurting emotionally. :-( This is just one if those things that has to happen but I hate it. GL. We also plan to frame a picture of het and Ellie together for her room and to plant a little memorial bush for her.
    My 2 girls, both born on a Friday the 13th, are exactly 2 years, 2 months, 2 hours and 2 minutes apart! And Baby Boy joined us October 11, 2013! image
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  • PeskyPesky member
    DD's "nanny cat" died when she was almost 2 1/2.  She knew Max was very sick because I told her before hand (thyroid issues and kidneys failing so only a matter of time).  Found him one morning and he was really bad.  She wasn't up yet so DH and I went to the ER vet while the visiting ILs took care of DD.  Ended up deciding to end Max's suffering at that point and told her that Max was very, very old for a cat and very sick and the animal doctors couldn't help him anymore so he died and went to heaven where he doesn't hurt anymore.  I think prepping him a bit for the dog being gone in a bit is a good idea, so it is not a surprise adjustment but one a while in coming.  Also, do you have any autism workers you can ask?  They might have some good ideas too.  GL and sorry about the impending loss of your dog.


    image
    DD -- 5YO
    DS -- 3YO

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