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Northern California Babies
My Boys!
How do you "do" Christmas?
The holidays have always been a tricky thing for us since my parents got divorced (basically, since we have been together.)
For Thanksgiving, we alternate between spending it in SoCal with my dad's family or Gilroy (or wherever they happen to be going) with DH's family. When baby comes, we don't see this changing.
For Christmas, here is what we have been doing: Christmas eve with DH's family (or my mom, if she is in town), Christmas morning with DH's family, Christmas afternoon with my Dad and step-mom and their family, Christmas dinner with DH's family (and my mom, if she is in town).
Clearly, I don't want to do that when we have a baby. Next year, here is what I am "anticipating": Christmas eve (and morning, possibly) with my mom. Christmas morning together at our house. Christmas dinner with DH's family. But...when do we see my dad and his family? They always do a big Christmas dinner thing, too. Alternately, we could do Christmas eve with DH's family, go home (a 45 min. drive), do Christmas morning at home (with my mom), spend the day at home, then go to Christmas dinner with my Dad's family.
In any case...how do you do the holidays?
My Boys!
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Re: How do you "do" Christmas?
We haven't figured it out 100% yet. What I do know, is that I do not want to be running between houses on any given day.
MIL does a huge dinner on the 23rd every year, but no presents are exchanged. So, we ALWAYS see her/DH's family on the 23rd.
Going forward, the plan is to alternate Christmas Eve and Christmas with the families. This year we'll do presents/"Christmas" on Christmas eve with MIL. We'll go to my parents' house on Christmas day. Next year it'll be switched.
Eventually, when the boys are a little older, we'll do Christmas morning at our house and MIL will probably come over for that, then we'll go to my parents' house in the afternoon.
I have no idea how we'd manage 3 families, unless we spread it out over the 23rd, 24th and 25th or something like that. I don't think it matters that you see everyone ON Christmas day. Why can't the tradition be that you spend the 26th with your dad and only your dad (or whomever)? Spread the fun out for as long as you can!
Holidays are big in my families, before DH wasn't speaking to his fam we did christmas eve dinner with my dad's family, then christmas morning with his family like breakfast or lunch and christmas day with my mom's family. Now with baby for next year we are making everyone come to us or we won't see them. Mind you both my parents live about a mile in each direction from me so its not that far but with a new baby we would like to have our first xmas at home.
Basically it's a nightmare and I have to seriously make an effort not to let it suck every single bit of holiday joy out of me.
We had to lay down the law at Christmas because I have an overbearing mother and I can't stand to be with my ILs. This is what we do- we have Xmas eve and morning at our own house with our own boys and that's it- just our immediate family. We like to go to church Xmas eve and have a special meal when we get back. We (ok, I) have worked over the years to create these traditions for ourselves... I love it and I'm so glad I stuck to my guns and made it clear we'd be alone for these times.
After we do our tree and breaksfast, we go to my mom's house for Xmas dinner, spend the night (they are in Bay Area and we're in Sac) and then we do Boxing Day with them (my dad is English so we always do that as well).
DH's fam is just SOL and we celebrate with them at an alternate time. SIL (married to my DH's bro) has 2 sets of parents she sees Xmas Eve and Xmas Day so thankfully I can blame her on that one, whew! We usually do the Saturday before or after with them.
Thanksgiving we usually do with the ILs but after they spent the entire day watching TV last year we're not doing that this year. They don't know that yet though. Ha ha.
I hate having to split up the holidays. Ugh.
Before kids, we spent one holiday with DH's family in southern CA, and one split between my parents (my parents are also divorced). But it's messy. My dad is remarried and most of his holidays are spent catering to his ILs, which just isn't fun for me or my brother's. I actually sort of dread the holidays so we've bowed out of as much as possible. We did Thanksgiving in LA last year and it was not so good so I will not be returning for the foreseeable future. We love DH's family but SIL hosts and includes her own local in-laws and again, we don't drive 6 hours each way with a toddler to eat dinner with people we see once a year. My time is limited and I am picky about how I spend it. It doesn't always go over well, but I try not to buy into the drama.
I care a lot about a yummy, quiet, thoughtful Thanksgiving so we usually spend it with my brother and his in-laws (whom I've known for 20 years and adore as if they were my own). We also have spent the last few Christmas Eve's with them and it's similar and we adore it. Christmas morning is spent at home or at my mom's as she's otherwise alone (and I can't handle that). It's quiet and we love it. This year it will be at our house. Christmas day afternoon we rotated for quite a while between my brother's and us but my mom loves to host it and then all of us with kid's have a neutral place to go to share and exchange gifts with each other. We see my dad at some point and may see in-laws over the New Year weekend.
We used to be good at this schedule:
year 1- home
year 2-sweden
year 3-DE
now somehow DE got a few years in a row, Sweden got nothing then H was around and we've done Sweden more than DE.
We really need to figure it out too. It's complicated when you toss in international travel or hotel, rental car and food for domestic travel.
We decided a while ago to do Thanksgiving with G's family and Christmas with my family. We have to travel to Fresno to be with his family and since we both always have that Thursday and Friday off it works good to travel for that holiday. His family still gives us a little grieve about our choice but it just works better.
On Christmas Eve we go to my aunt's house for dinner and exchanging gifts and we spend Christmas day at my mom's house. We usually do a make up Christmas with G's dad on the 26th and try to go to Fresno for a weekend a week or two after Christmas.
I think next year or the year after, once Rosie understands *Santa Claus*, we will spend Christmas morning at our place before heading over to my mom's house.
DD2: February 2014
Both the first year we were married and after Andrew was born (nov. so he was tiny at Christmas) we stayed home. We told everyone they were welcome to come to our house but we weren't going anywhere. The year we got married no one came and when Andrew was born only my brother came.
After that we've tried alternating Christmas with each of my parents but we still reserve the right for it to be at our house. The only reason we have had Christmas elsewhere is my grandmother is now 98 so we go to her when it's Christmas with my mom.
Different things work for different people but I'm not a fan of dragging kid all over on the holidays, nor am I a fan of it for myself. My mom doesn't always behave like such an adult regarding the holidays but luckily at least my dad realizes that we are all adults and the most important people are now the actual kiddo's.
Before kids we alternated Thanksgiving between my parents and ILs and did xmas eve with my parents and dad's side of family, xmas morning with my family then made the three hour drive for dinner with the ILs.
With kids it's important to me to have xmas morning at home, just DH, me, and the boys. So we agreed to do Thanksgiving with ILs, xmas eve with my parents and dad's side of the family, xmas morning (early morning) with just our little family and xmas brunch with my parents, brother, BIL, and FIL if he's in town. My parents do a xmas dinner too (xmas eve is always at my uncle's), but the past couple years we've skipped that since it's just too much for the kiddos. This obviously favors my family a lot, but they live 20 min from us so that's a big part of it plus Christmas wasn't a big holiday for DH growing up and isn't that important to his father (who is Jewish) or brother (single guy, no kids). Is important to step-MIL, but she has her own kids/grandkids so often it's FIL and step-MIL who go seperate ways at xmas and FIL comes to us.
Considering it is EJ's birthday....we have double duty. (my grandmother's bday too)
We celebrate Xmas Eve with DH's family since they have a great big XE celebration. On christmas day we get up and sing to EJ and then pack him in the car and go to my parents house where my mom will make him a special birthday breakfast (french toast) with homemade hashbrowns. Then we will open christmas presents with everyone and after we do a birthday present opening for my grandmother and EJ. Then we pack him back up and go to IL's house for a second breakfast (usually we just pick at some bacon since we are full) and open presents and hang out for an hour or two. Then we go home and let EJ nap. After we will go to my grandparents house for a fried chicken christmas and a EJ appropriate movie. He will get a brownie cake after dinner.
Granted, this year DH works on Xmas, so most of this will be done without him.
Money Matters The other half's blog.
EJ is growing up too fast!
My immediate family lives on the East Coast. I never plan on going there for Christmas because I want our kids to wake up in their own house for Santa. Plus I have zero desire to fly around the holidays. Add in that my mom drives me nuts, and I doubt that I will ever invite them out here for the holidays.
DH's parents are divorced, so we have enough craziness there. Christmas Eve involves going to Mass and then dinner at MIL's house with just us and them. SIL's family usually arrives after doing dinner with her DH's family and spends the night at MIL's house. (Not sure what they are doing this year.) We'll stay at our house, a whole 6 blocks away. Then, Santa comes to our house in the morning, then go over to MIL's for breakfast and present insanity. There is usually a late lunch at MIL's mom's house with all of the extended family. From there, we go to FIL's family Christmas. It used to be hosted by DH's Aunt but they live up in the mountains now, so we're trying to get it switched to FIL's house in town. It is a big gathering, and everyone stays over due to late-night poker and lots of drinking. There just isn't enough room at DH's Aunt's house for everyone now that we're all having kids. Once we have a big enough house, we'll be the ones hosting Christmas for FIL's side. When that happens, I am going to push for doing it on one of the weekends before or after Christmas.
Thanksgiving Day is with MIL's family, wherever that is hosted. It is always in the Sacramento area. The day after Thanksgiving is with FIL but is just a 'small' get together. We usually have lobster and shrimp! Yummmmmmy.