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charmcitygirl
member
Upset about a conversation with Jacob's preschool teacher
charmcitygirl
member
Jacob has been going to a MWF 3-hour preschool since the beginning of September. There are 12 children and 2 teachers. Drop-off and pick-up are always so chaotic, so I called the teacher today just to check in with her to see how he's doing in school.
She told me that he loves school. He's enthusiastic about all the activities that they do, especially arts and crafts. He's settling nicely into the routine. And that he's very eager to please the teachers and is very affectionate. He talks to the teachers a lot and asks for help when he needs it. She said that he's really just a joy to have in the classroom.
But then she said that he does have some hyperactivity and distractability that stands out from the other children. She said part of it is maturity and his age, but that his activity level is several notches up from the other children. He always needs to be moving.
She said that he does not have behavior issues, but that he does have some unusual behaviors that he uses to cope with waiting his turn or changing from activity to activity. He moves toys around, circles the table or flaps his arms/hands. She said that they're not inappropriate for his age, but that they do stand out from others. For example, she said that when they sit in a circle to read a book, he chooses to sit next to her. And she said that when he gets a bit distracted, she can put her hand on his leg to bring him back to the group. I guess maybe that's his way of coping with a situation that he knows he's going to become distracted.
She said that much of it could be and should be attributed to his age, but that if we're concerned we should talk to his pediatrician. She went on to tell me about the free "Child Find" services that our county offers where we can get him evaluated.
I am seriously in tears. I love that he loves school and is doing well, but I don't want him to stand out for unusual behaviors. I acknowledge that he his more active than most children and things like ADHD have crossed my mind. But I guess I just thought that it was all because of his age. Having a preschool teacher with years of experience tell me these things makes me so sad. And honestly, I never was overly concerned about his behaviors before today. 
I'm going to call his pedi next week to talk about this. I don't want to let known-issues linger without addressing them, but I also don't want him to be 2 with the diagnosis of ADHD to linger with him his entire education.
Ugh! FWIW - this "crazy" little kid is sitting quietly next to me watching Sesame Street, drinking his water and eating his snack.
Allison
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Upset about a conversation with Jacob's preschool teacher
wow. Um, I'm going to have to assume this teacher knows more than I do (and it doesn't sound like she is really concerned either) but, I feel like a 2 year old having the coping skills (even if they are doing laps around a table-- don't you feel like doing that when you have to wait!) to deal with waiting his turn or knowing to sit next to the teacher so he can keep from getting distracted is actually pretty advanced.
As so many on here have said, I don't think there is a thing wrong with getting a little extra assessment to see if there is more too it than his age but....I honestly think that for a 2 year old in pre-school for 3 weeks, he is adjusting pretty well and seems fine to me.
Hang in there.
It would upset me too but I wouldn't be overly concerend .I have two very energetic boys as well. Htey just started school so it's too early to see how they are in the school setting. Honestly though his behavior to me sounds normal for a 2 year old. I find it hard to believe that all the other 2 years are standing nicely in line while waiting to do something , etc.
I would give it a few more months..maybe unitl he turns 3 just to see how its going. If it seems to be getting worse I would maybe consider something but now now. Try not to get too upset about it.
I can certainly understand how that conversation would have been upsetting!
Is Jacob one of the younger children in the program? The things that the teacher pointed out - waiting, transitioning, sitting quietly - are not things that a lot of typical 2.5-year-olds are good at. I'm wondering if her expectations of him are out of line with his age. He's still really a toddler developmentally, and he might be 100% fine with these things when he gets to be three.
And, as others have said, there is absolutely no harm in having him evaluated. In the best case it will put your mind as ease. In the not-best case, you'll have an answer and be able to get some ideas about how to help Jacob as you go forward.
And FWIW, I'm not impressed that the teacher was comparing Jacob to the other children. If his behavior is age-appropriate, then it's age-appropriate, and has absolutely nothing to do with the other children in the class.
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I agree with this. for 2.5, doing so well in pre-school is awesome, and I'm not surprised some of his energy stands out. He's 2.5 in pre-school! Hang in there, momma. Again, more opinions can't hurt, especially if they can bring you some peace of mind, but try not to worry. (((HUG)))
Because we're fancy like that.
I can sort of relate. My DS's preschool teacher was concerned about DS and told me that he has a hard time transitioning from one activity to another, and he often repeats everything they say...however, he is in a Spanish Immersion School, so he has no idea what they are saying. I think it is a good thing that he is repeating! Also, of course he has a hard time transitioning - what 2.5 year old likes to move on from an activity they enjoy...and even if they are giving him a warning, it is in Spanish and he has no idea what they are talking about. I felt like they were trying to tell me he was Autistic or something, but i am fairly certain that he is not! I think it is the language thing.
Anyway, I understand what it is like to be told your kid isn't doing what the others are. But I really think both of our kids are fine. If they are still doing these things in a few years, like Kittylove said, then we can re-evaluate!
As you know, preschool teachers, and teachers in general, are not specialists in any type of disorder (behavioral or otherwise). I would get him assessed by a professional (a psychologist, developmental pediatrician, etc.) if you're concerned. I also agree with PP about her not contacting you first - whenever I come across a child I am concerned about, I call the parents immediately.
Hang in there - and get some real answers for your own peace of mind.
Aww, (((HUGS))) -- I know that I would be very concerned and upset as well.
First of all, I think that it sounds like Jacob's teacher has some great observational data, and that is wonderful -- it shows that she cares about your son and knows him apart from all of the other kids in the class. But I do not agree with her interpretation of the data. For his age, that behavior is not only perfectly NORMAL, but his coping skills for dealing with boredom or impatience sound like they are advanced for his age. I also think that if these things were really a concern, she would have contacted you first. It sounds like she didn't want to tell you nothing when you called and asked how he was doing, so she turned some interesting observations into a bigger issue than they really are.
Sure, I would keep this info in the back of my mind, and as he progresses through preschool and kindergarten, ask teachers for their feedback on these issues. But no (competent) doctor is going to diagnose ADHD prior to the age of 5. And, this is MAJORLY jumping the gun, but if I can just give a little advice, if you really do want to have him assessed for ADHD in the distant future, please, please take him to a psychologist or psychiatrist for a full assessment. I see a ridiculous number of students that were diagnosed by their pediatrician based on a two-minute, five-question rating scale.
I agree with every single word of this!! Don't stress out about it at all! Focus on the fact that he's doing well and loves school!!
Agree with the others......she is totally jumping the gun.
Connor was very, very active between 2-3. So active, that there I dropped out of a mother toddler class and a gymnastics class because it was so exhausting and I was frustrated. Today, in pre-k......his teacher says he is one of the most well behaved kids in their class of 18 (and he is on the younger side with a fall b-day).
Also.....I do not like that she said it was "odd" that he chooses to sit next to her when they read a book???? Why is that odd? I think that is great that he obviously loves his teacher and wants to be by her.
I honestly think he is fine. He will grow a ton in the next year! If you want anymore crazy boy stories with good outcomes......just e-mail me
I have tons!!!
I think he's young and has good coping skills!
It's probably worth keeping an eye on, but it seems too early to have him tested, at least since it sounds like that's what your gut is telling you. She's a professional, but IMHO Mommy knows best. As pps have said, bring it up with your pedi and get her/his thoughts? Maybe table it for a few months and see how he's doing in the new year or by his brithday?
Give him some time and go from there.
HUGS!!!
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Of course you want to call his pedi, but I think she might be expecting 'average' behavior and that isn't fair for Jacob. I haven't seen him in a while, but I never suspected ADHD (and I am surrounded by it, 3 nephews, BIL, etc) I just thought (and still do) that Jacob is one of those kinetic kids who is always moving.
He is still learning to cope with this new school situation and he deals with it in motion, Some kids cry, some act out, Jacob moves. Of course, ADHD is always a possibility, but he is young to be evaluated (some doctors wont even try at this age) and all the other things the teacher said makes me think that he is doing great and he is just 2.5, you know?
i think it's a good idea to get him checked out, but i agree with PPs that he is probably fine. sounds in general like he's adjusting well to school.
sending lots of hugs. keep us posted!
Hi...Reed just started a half day preschool program this year and I find myself really nervous about his social skills...I wonder how he is doing when I am not there and how he measures up to the other kids. Pick up and drop off is really quick at our program too...so I haven't had a big conversation with our teacher about Reed. All I know is that he gets super tired when he is there so I think it takes a lot out of him!
Last week I had my first Mom volunteer morning and you could totally pick out the kids who were in daycare or preschool previously. I was shocked that it was so low key...I expected more chaos for sure.
I am very confident that Jacob is FINE. I am sure that within the next couple of months he will get used to the program and waiting his turn. I agree with everyone else who said that it's awesome that he has coping skills. Go Jacob!
I understand wanting to talk to your pedi, he/she may be able to give you some perspective...again...don't stress girl...it sounds like he is doing great.