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ladychicago
member
Please help me calm down... (kinda long)
ladychicago
member
My head tells me that these fears are at least 75% irrational (or there is a 75% chance things will work out just fine). But everything else in me is having a really hard time, and just thinking about it brings me to tears. I need to find a way to stop worrying so I don't spend the next 11 weeks being an anxious ball of nerves. Because right now, I'm a total mess about this and I can't get myself to calm down.
Basically, I am worried that I am going to go into labor and it will move too quickly for us to find childcare for Anna. DH is going to miss the birth and/or her care will be such a fiasco that I will be worried about her the whole time I am in labor and won't be able to focus on this little boy's arrival. Well, really, I'm just convinced DH is going to miss it and I will be on my own in the hospital. and with all that can go wrong, that thought TERRIFIES me. Not to mention, it breaks my heart that DH will miss it.
My labor with Anna was 3 hours from the first sign to Anna's delivery. 3 HOURS. My brother and SIL live in the suburbs, and, depending on time of day (i.e. forget it at rush hour) they could be there for her within an hour or two, but not before. We have 2-3 sets of friends in the city that have offered to care for her in an emergency, but each set has their own set of complications that could take them out of consideration for "we need to drop Anna off NOW" care. Not to mention it will be winter (hello freak blizzard, anyone?) and around the holidays when people are traveling/OOT, college-student-type babysitters will be gone, and people have their own family obligations. We could try to have grandparents in town - but we don't have the space for them to stay with us, so them staying for anything more than a day or two gets EXPENSIVE with hotel costs that time of year. Oh, and the hospital has no form of emergency child care (how this is the case, I don't know...what about a single mom in an emergency?!), and children are not allowed on the L&D floor (only in postpartum). From the hospital's point of view, no childcare = no husband at the birth.
I discussed my increasing anxiety over this with my doctor today, and he was fine with scheduling an induction to help. The problem? No induction before 39 weeks (which is for the best, I know), and between that and his schedule - I can't get on the calendar before December 28th. That is the same day (39w2d) that Anna was born... so in my head, it just isn't likely I'll make it that far.
Tell me that it will be ok. Tell me stories of having 2nd+ children without family super close by - and having it work out alright. Or tell me that it isn't the end of the world if DH misses the labor/birth. Any words of wisdom? Advice? Coping strategies? Paddles up the side of the head to knock into me some peaceful sense of confidence that this isn't the end of the world? Because right now, I can't seem to hold onto that...
Brought to you by IVF, ICSI, limited fert, and oocyte cryopreservation.
Because we're fancy like that.
Because we're fancy like that.
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Re: Please help me calm down... (kinda long)
I understand being anxious but it sounds like you have all kinds of plans in place in case of emergency. Maybe if you write out your plan and backup plans, it will help. Making lists helps me. So your BIL and SIL are top of the list. If they can't get there you call the next people and the next people. Someone will be able to be there before you actually give birth and DH can always meet you at the hospital if you cant get there together. Maybe he could drop you off and meet your ILs half way or something.
Also, there is nothing that says you will have baby #2 before you had baby #1 (and dont count on it like I did! It makes for a super long end of pregnancy!). I had DS at 38w3d and DD at 40w2d.
There is nothing you can do about this until the time comes so try to stay focused on your plan for now and worry about worst case scenarios if the time comes. Easier said than done, I know.
-----Lisa-----
We had similar issues - my family lives south of the city and we were in the city when I was pg with DD (with no traffic it was 30-45 min, with traffic it is up to 2 hours). I was worried as well. But my labor with DD was very different than it was with DS. With DS, contractions started, got closer together, I went into the hospital, and had DS about 5 hours later. With DD, after the first few contractions, i called my parents to come in (it was Saturday of Memorial Day weekend, at 7pm). They came and spent the night, so that DH and I could go in to the hospital when the ctx got close enough.
Well, I contracted irregularly all night, and we were still there in the am. My parents took DS home with them, and about 3 hours later, my ctx got very close together and regular, so we went into the hospital. DD was born 3 hours later.
Do you know anyone who lives in your building, or neighborhood? We had a friend who lived just up the street and she promised to keep her phone on towards the end of my pregnancy all night, so if we needed her overnight, she could come until my parents got there.
We also thought about bringing DS with us to the hospital and having my family meet us there to pick DS up.
I am sure it will all work out fine - just do the best you can to prepare! Good luck!
all i can think is that it might help to have several possible sitters lined up. if there are high school kids in the area that can help out until your family drives into town, that might work. someone who is in walking distance, doesn't have plans to go out of town, or any of the other complications you fear, who can step in last minute. or a plan b, c, d, etc until you feel you have every minute covered.
or is there a day care in the city that you could drop her off last minute?
also, maybe in the worst-case, your husband and anna could be in the waiting area at the hospital, and that way when someone gets there to help out with anna, your husband can be at your bedside within one minute.
i'm sorry this is causing you such anxiety- i think it will all work out, but it doesn't hurt to be prepared.
We set up plans with a friend to take James. I ended up going into labor in the middle of the night, and as we were on our way to drop off James at her house, the contractions were coming every 3 minutes and we had to head to the hospital and have her meet us there. That meant that James came with us into the labor room for about an hour before my friend got there. The contractions slowed down and I didn't deliver until a few hours later, but my hospital's policy was also "no kids in the delivery room." However, at that moment as there was no other option, they let us have him in the room even though they sternly told me that he needed to be picked up ASAP.
Anyway, I'm sure your labor probably won't come to that, but my point is that if it does I bet your hospital would be a little more flexible than they are letting on.
My labours were both super quick too, but with #1 my water broke to get things going.
With #2, I had to be induced. I went 2 weeks longer with #2.
You have 11 weeks to find someone close by that you can call to help you out. That is a long time. In that time, you could have several playdates, meetings etc. so Anna is comfortable.
I agree with everyone else...have a plan and a back up plan and a back up to the back up.
I am sorry you are so anxious. The fact that no kids can be in L&D is ridiculous to me....
What about a doula type person? Someone who could help you with labour and trade off child care with your DH?
It will be ok.
Let me share a little bit of our story. When we had the twins, we had no family nearby at all. We could have gone into labor at any time, really. We had our babysitter give her all of her numbers so that we could contact her any time of day/night, and we made sure our neighbor had her cell phone with her at all times just in case. My water broke three days before my c-section, and we could not find the babysitter -- called every single number. We had to track down our neighbor and have her leave a family party to come take care of Ava until we could find the babysitter. My worst-case scenario was that DH would drive me and Ava to the hospital, leave me there, and then drive himself and Ava home until we found childcare. Not ideal by any means, but at least I would know that (a) I/Babies were in the best hands, and (b) Ava was taken care of.
I don't know if this will be helpful, but throughout my pregnancy, I worked really hard to focus on what I could control. There were way too many what-ifs (especially with what I knew of others' experiences here), and I would drive myself crazy with anxiety. So, I focused on having a plan, and a back-up plan, and a worst-case plan. Then, I just tried to focus on that day, the next appointment, etc. --whatever was directly in front of me. My logic was that I had no way of knowing what was coming, and I had no way of controlling what was coming, so the anxiety was only causing harm for me and the babies.
(((HUGS))), honey -- and please know that I mean it when I say that I'm only an hour away if you find yourself in a bind. Anna would get along just fine with my girls.
I like LisaMarisa's idea. My sister got stuck in a bind too when she was pg with my nephew (child #2). She went in for an appt and the Dr said "Okay you are having a baby today" She panicked cause she had no childcare lined up for my niece (then 2 yrs old). My Mom was scheduled to fly down the next day, but sis needed someone for my niece ASAP. Thankfully her neighbors are so kind they were practically tripping over themselves to keep my niece for that time- even overnight I believe.
It will all work out (I'd be like you, all panicked about a potential blizzard). I know you're probably wondering "How?" but it will.
honey, i live 30 minutes away and i can watch her if you want.
12/19 to 12/22 i will be working in the suburbs, but before that and after that i will be working in hyde park or at home, so about 15-30 minutes away depending on traffic. being a student i can drop anything at any time, as long as you let me know when i'm on duty so that i can make sure i stay in cell phone range!
so please feel free to add me to your list of potential babysitters if you want--just PM me.
Well I am kind of in the same situation..No Family (DH has an aunt who live in Naples which is 1 and 1/2 hrs away)..My Father is a snow bird and is expected to be in SOFla by Jan 8th which I will be exactly 37wks which is what I was with Jake when I delivered him..
We don't really have a contigency plan other then that I sort of hope I go late so that my dad will be here and he will just watch Jake..or we will have to call ryan's Admin Assistant who lives a few streets over and she would watch him until My IL's flew down or Dad came...but that's really it. I am also hoping that there is NO Bedrest in my future case then I REALLY don't know what I would do..I have sitters but they are all younger in school and wouldn't be able to watch him until then.
I should probably work on some kind of plan as well[:S
My gf though who know lives in Sofla..was still living in MA when she gave birth to her daughter. Her DH was down here already for work..She went into labor in the middle of the night he had to jump on the first flight out from fort Lauderdale (6AM) and made it to boston by 830..just in time for his daugher to be born. It was like with in minutes!! Yikes!! but everything worked out great!!
Thanks, you guys... really. Just getting that out and seeing what you wrote is starting to help me put all of this into perspective. I am ALL OVER making a calendar for December with names, phone numbers, and availability...Thank you for that idea. and to you guys in the Chicago area who offered, I may take you up as some worst-case-scenario folks if you're serious! :-)
Because we're fancy like that.