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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
Reaching the end of my nursing journey..mixed feelings
Well, I have posted several times on this board about my issues with breastfeeding, and my DH and I decided as of yesterday that I am going to stop nursing, except for comfort for our DS if he wants to. I have very mixed feelings about this.
DS is a very healthy, very big boy. I know my supply would eventually grow to meet his demand if I were nursing around the clock, but I just can't do it. Other people have posted that in the early weeks, they viewed nursing as their job, along with eating and sleeping. I just couldn't do that-there are too many other things I want to accomplish during the day, and on top of that I'm looking for a job right now, and need to do job search stuff while DS naps. This past weekend I was in a wedding that required me to be away from him for about 15 hours. Because he has no trouble with the bottle, he was able to stay with my in-laws for the evening, and DH and I had a fun night out.
I have gradually been nursing less and less. DS will still nurse for up to an hour at a time, and then I have to fix a bottle almost immediately afterwards...and all the while he nurses, he is fussing and frustrated. For the past few days, I bottle fed, and and he seemed so much more satisfied. He is taking up to 6 ounces every 3 hours now, and weighed 10 lbs. 9 oz at his 4 week check up (he's 6 weeks tomorrow).
I just have mixed feelings- I know breast milk is best, but my little guy seems to prefer the efficiency of the bottle (I still plan to pump 2-3 times a day, but we are using formula 60-70% of the time by now).
However, he is really thriving- he's in the 75th percentile for weight and height both, and is very rarely fussy unless he's hungry. He's a peaceful and predictable sleeper and we have no trouble putting him down at night and for naps.Even my mom, who is a huge proponent of breastfeeding said yesterday, "It's not broke, so don't feel like you need to fix it..there's nothing wrong with this baby and the way he's eating. If the bottle works, go with it."
I guess I just had the idea that breastfeeding would be the way I would go and that it was the "right" way to feed my baby. After 6 weeks I just feel like it's not working for anybody in the house. Anyone else experience this kind of a situation? Guess I'm just looking for support.
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Re: Reaching the end of my nursing journey..mixed feelings
It sounds like this is the right time to make that decision. Everyone's experience is different, so judging and trying to keep up with other BF women just isn't worth it, I've learned!
I had a lot of expectations in my head about all sorts of things from conception to parenting...all of which have been shot to hell. In terms of BF, I thought I'd be a champ at it, that it would be a breeze. I planned to never even use a drop of forumula. BUT, I ended up delivering at 31 weeks so she didn't even go to breast until she was several weeks old. Instead I was attached to a pump every 3 hrs around the clock. And even when she did finally get to the breast, I had to use a shield. I hated every bit of it, but because I wanted her to get the BM, I did it in hopes that when she gets older, bigger, and stronger she'd do just breast. THEN I learned because of her preemie status, she was going to need to get high calorie formula as well for at least the first 6 months of her life! But, she was thriving (still is!) and even though the breastfeeding was not at all what I wanted or expected, that was how it was. But it really wasn't working out for us for so many other reasons.
I agonized over the decision to stop putting her to breast and just pump. After a few weeks I came to terms with it and was fine. Then when pumping was next to impossible, I had to come to terms with letting that go sooner than I wanted, too. BUT, I still have a thriving, healthy, happy baby. So, bottom line- do what feels right even when it is not at all what your original goals were. I agree with what your mom said.
Good luck!
I don't advocate either side so I say just do what feels right for you and your growing family. It's better to have loving feeding times than anxiety, exhaustion and resentment. Just remember...Happy Mommy's make happy babies!!
I agree with this completely. I wanted to EBF, but ended up supplementing from the beginning. At her 1 week checkup, she wasn't gaining weight fast enough, even though I was nursing for hours at a time. We started giving her more formula, and I pumped even though I was barely getting 2 ounces in a day.
At her one month check up, she had put on more weight and was around the 50th percentile for weight. It was hard for me to realize that my body couldn't do what it was supposed to, but it is more important for her to gain weight and be healthy. Formula is doing that for her. I no longer resent feeding her, which is where I had been.
Formula was the best choice for our family. It's hard, especially with all the pressure to BF, but you have to do what is best for everyone.
Happy Spring!.
I could have written your post! Actually, last night DH and I were also talking about stopping breastfeeding and how I feel so guilty because I know breast milk is best but like you said if I pump all the time I might build up what DS needs, but he's a big boy too, at his 1 month checkup he weighed in at 11 pounds.....and I'm only pumping like 3-4 oz and that's like 3-4 times a day....I feel terribly guilty and like you said I totally thought I'd be breastfeeding for a long time and know it's the right thing to do, but.....
Also, like you said, he sleeps so much better with formula and after I breastfeed him or even give him a bottle of BM, we have to give him a bottle of formula about a half hour later because he isn't content/full.....
I'm going to try to make it to 6 or 8 weeks but like you said I have huge mixed feelings and .......sigh.
I'm glad you wrote about this today!!
I do pump about 3 times a day for 20 minutes, and we give him bottles of breastmilk. Unfortunately, at this point, I only pump 3-4 oz at a time (on a good day), so two pumping usually only makes enough for 1-2 feedings a day. I am going to continue pumping and see where it goes, but I think no matter what, the bulk of his food is going to be from formula.
I will say- DH and I were talking last night, and I was breastfed for almost 2 years, and he was breastfed for 6 weeks, then switched to formula. at age 31, there is no difference in our health or our intellects that I can see;) We're both college educated and very healthy. And in fact, he's the one with the job right now, not me:)
This was us. At a week and a half, I had to put him on some formula. I was sitting by his bassinet and he started fussing because he was hungry and I started sobbing because I couldn't bring myself to feed him from the breast, it was just too painful. My mom had to feed him that first time, I was so mad and disappointed with myself that I just couldn't suck it up and work through the pain. But the next day realized it was something I had to do for my sanity. It took almost a week for my nipples to stop bleeding, with no nursing. We just went back to nursing a couple days ago, and while I'm so glad to be back at it, it's nice to know he'll take the bottle and formula just fine, especially when he's really fussy and getting frustrated with the shield. I almost gave up on BFing, and have completely rethought my views on it.
Have you tried any home remedies to increase your supply? Drinking the mother's milk tea, lactation cookies, pumping immediately after nursing, dark beer has been said to help, eating oatmeal (not the instant kind.)
I went through a bit of anxiety in the beginning as well (I know DS is only 2 weeks so that was like last week!) DD was such a champ at nursing. She latched on from the get-go and I never had any problems with her. So when I struggled a bit with DS I feared I would have to switch to formula as well. Things are better now but I was starting to face the same possible dilemma as you if this continued to the end of my leave.
I'm a major pro-BF BUT I'm a bigger proponent for trying your best and ultimately doing what's best for your sanity and for the family. You've tried for this long and if you haven't tried the home remedies I would encourage you to give those a try before making your final decision. But, in the end if it doesn't work out it doesn't work out. I was a FF baby and I, too, turned out normal. Even though I believe that BM is best I don't believe formula is evil. Do what's best. That's the mantra you'll realize will be how you parent. Ignore the fanatical pro-BF and do what's ultimately best for your family.