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Pre-School and Daycare
Desperately need help....
DD is 4 1/2 and sleeps in bed with us. She is scared to sleep in her own room, even with a nightlight lamp. DS is 2 1/2 and I can count on my hands and one foot the amount of times that he's slept through the night.
DS is in speech therapy and is going to be re-evaluated for some sensory issues in a couple of weeks. I have a hard time getting him to eat so he wakes up during the night wanting milk. He'd live on only milk if I let him. So, his eating/sleeping issues are part of the sensory issues.
DD, on the other hand, doesn't have any of the problems that DS does. She is just scared. When she was about 3 years old she & DH were in her room reading a book and she told him that she was scared of the lady in the corner. I've put her in her bed after she has fallen asleep, but she wakes up within 2 hours and cries until I go in and get her.
DH and I are exhausted everyday. Even more so, because MIL has been in the hospital for a few weeks and we are dealing with the stress of that and not getting good quality sleep.
Any advice would be great! We're tempted to pitch a tent in the backyard and move the kids out there...(just kidding).
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Desperately need help....
If, at 2 1/2, your son cannot consume enough calories during the day to prevent him from waking hungry at night, I would address that, as soon as possible, with a pediatrician, or a developmental pediatrician. That just isn't healthy.
Is he losing weight? Is there any reason to give him milk at all? If he'll live on milk, I'd consider talking to his pedi or therapists to see about cutting out milk entirely, but certainly, never allow it when he wakes up at night. He needs to learn to get his calories during the day, through a variety of food.
I think you need to talk to your daughter. What does she say when you ask her why she is scared? Have you allowed her to have a brighter light than just a night light in her room? I think it all depends on if she is truly scared, or if she's learned that to say "I'm scared" is all it takes to get Mom and Dad to let her sleep with them. I'd try your best to address any fears she expresses, and then you gotta be tough and put her in her room, expect a few nights of hell, and most crucially, stick to your guns, no matter how tired you are on any given night and want to let her into your room.
My husband and I were talking about a similar situation we had with our daughter when she was 2-2 1/2 years old. She was never a good sleeper from birth and I always joke about just getting a decent night's sleep over the past year and half. Things have calmed down alot and Jade is an excellent sleeper now! Granted, that didn't come overnight; it was alot of back and forth, sleepless nights and crying (LOTS of crying) in between.
What worked for us was basically letting Jade learn to sleep on her own. She would mention being afraid (and still does) but we never let that stop us from the goal of getting her to sleep in her bed and teaching her to feel comfortable in her own room--without us. If she happened to wake up in the middle of the night, we'd walk her back to her bed and tell her to go to sleep. If she kept waking up or cried, we'd throw a pillow from our bed down on the floor, she'd grab a blanket from her bed and sleep next to us on the floor in our room. That worked well for a very long time. Everyone got some sleep! We did have rules however about sleeping on the floor--no getting into our bed, no waking mommy or daddy, no crying, moving quietly, etc. We wanted her to be as independent as possible with it because the minute we became engaged, it would turn into something else. Eventually, she started sleeping on the floor in her own room, which she loved and that turned into sleeping longer and later. And for the past year and a half we've all been getting a full night's sleep. Hopefully, something that worked with our daughter will work with your little ones; GL!
I think at this point you just have to show your daughter you love her but get her in her own bed and out of yours. I suggest a night light and maybe a new toy (like a puppy dog that will protect her at night and scare away the monsters). We are religious and so when we pray at night we ask that the scary monsters stay away b/c this has been an issue for Harmon (especially Halloween time... he thinks the pumpkin is bad). You can also spend 5 minutes after lights are out sitting by her door so she knows you are there and that the room isn't scary. At this point though you have to do it!
If your son has Sensory Integration you find out and need any help let me know. Harmon has that very severely. We went through Early Intervention and now he is in Developmentally Delayed Pre-school. I also recommend feeding therapy. Your EI coordinator or Pediatrician can help you set that up. You want to make sure he is getting what he needs and enough of it. We learned all sorts of different techniques but it has been a real serious challenge for us. Honestly it is still is.
The first thing I would do is move the 4 year old back to her own bed, even if that means one of you sleeping with her for a while in her bed. She needs to start associating her bed as a cozy, safe place to sleep. Not your bed, her own bed.
For your DS, if you are not already feeding him some high fat milk (and supplements hidden in that milk) at bedtime, I would give that a try. It might help him sleep longer through the night and address some of his calorie needs.
Lastly, I would look to get a night away, even if that means trading nights with your H rather than the 2 of you getting a sitter overnight. Go stay with your parents, a friend, whatever on a Friday or Saturday night and get yourself a solid night's sleep.
Will your DD sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor next to the bed? I remember when I was a kid, if I had nightmares, my mom would let me sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor (it was comfortable). I'm just thinking if she's scared of her room, she should be fine sleeping on your floor (not in your bed). Then maybe you can work on her even sleeping in her sleeping bag on her bed.
Also, we let my DD have an LED lantern in her bed. She can't have her light on, but I think there is something about being able to control the light that she likes.
What about something even like a bed tent? (you could google it if you aren't familiar). Maybe it would help her feel more secure.
Also we let my DD go to sleep with the door closed, as long as she doesn't come out repeatedly. A tip from this board - I let her come out 1x or if she legitimately has to go potty (she'll wake up crying to go pee- not a cry for attention). Otherwise then she loses that privelage of having the door open.
My younger DD just turned 2 and she has food issues as well, I let her snack late (she goes to bed at 10, so she snacks prob 8 or 9pm), just getting some pretezels or whatnot in her stomach helps her sleep better. There are therapists for kids with sensory issues, JUST for teaching them to accept new foods, you may want to look into that.
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