DH made me go for a drive today. I left the house to go to the bank and to the doctor's office but that was the first time I left for a longish time. It was really hard. I kept looking in the backseat. I pictured Jack being back there behind us SO many times.
It was really hard. I know I have to get out more and I have to eventually start looking for a job but it's still just so hard for me to get out of the house. Everything just makes me think of him and all the plans and ideas I had.
Thanks for listening.
Re: Left the house
Me: PCOS, Blood/Immune Issues DH: Low all 3
Jun.- Sep. 2010 IUI#1-#3 = BFN
Oct. 2010 = IVF #1 = B/G Twins (passed away Feb. 2011)
May 2011 = Myomectomy and trans-abdominal cerclage (TAC)
Sep. 2011 = Surprise BFP = C/P
Feb. 2012 = sFET #1 = BFN
Feb.2012 = Hail Mary IUI #4 = BFN
April/May 2012 = FET #2 w/our last two embies = BFP (Please let this be it!)
Beta #1 8dp5/6dt = 234 Beta #2 10dp5/6dt = 695 Beta #3 12dp5/6dt = 1796 Beta #4 17dp5/6dt = 17,888 U/S #1 May 17, 2012 = Twins
Baby B's heart stop beating at 9 weeks 5 days
Our little miracle baby is a boy.
Baby Boy Owen and Baby Girl Avery were born too early on Feb. 13, 2011 due to a pedunculated fibroid, incompetent cervix and suspected placental abruption.
"What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose." - Henry Ward Beecher
SAIF/PAIF Welcome
Lots of love and luck to my PAIF/3T/IF Veteran ladies, especially my dear friend Zookie. Congrats to Papps, Teach84 and Starbuck on their little ones.
I can definitely remember those days. I can tell you though, that with time, it gets better. I am so sorry for your loss!
(((hugs)))
I remember coming home from the hospital and not wanting to be in the house. My Hubby and I just got in the car and drove for hours. We felt the house was so empty without our children and we didn't want to be there.
((HUGS)) I promise you it will get easier, the pain will still be there, your heart will never heal but you will start to feel more human.
BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
Too beautiful for this earth
BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
I'm sorry,it is definitely hard the first time out!I remember the first time I had to go to the doctor's office to see my endocrinologist about 2 weeks after Adria passed away,it's right across the street from the hospital she passed at.It was so hard,but has gotten easier with time.
(((hugs)))
T1 diabetes diagnosed 11/95 due to severe pancreatic injury
BFP 1 1/22/10 EDD 9/30/10 Adria b. 9/11/10 d.8/9/11, Transposition of the Great Arteries,
Pleural effusion, Kidney Failure
BFP 2 4/26/12 EDD 1/3/13 M/C 5/13/12
BFP 3 10/3/12 EDD 6/17/13 Twins! Preston and Juliet b. 5/22/13
Most of the time when I left the house after our loss I could only be out for an hour or so and then I would get frustrated and upset and went right back home.
I hated going back to work because it was like I was really moving on but without my babies to come home to.
I hope things get better for you as each day goes by.
DD #1 passed away in January 2011 at 14 days old due to congenital heart disease
DD#2 lost in January 2012 at 23 weeks due to anhydramnios caused by a placental abruption
(Hugs) I too had a hard time leaving the house at first. By the second week I was going a little crazy so my DH said let's just go away for a while. We went up to the cottage for that second week so that we could just be alone. It really helped a lot. I was out of the house but still away from everyone.
Take the small steps when you are ready.
Also a heads up to avoid Malls until you are ready. Especially during the day time. They are FULL of pregnant women/mothers with strollers. I went about a month after losing Ian and ended up running out in tears. I couldn't believe how many there were!
Leaving the house for the first time was the hardest. We went to the cemetery to pick out a plot and then to the grocery store. I didn't think I would make it home fast enough. After that MH made me go for short drives and that helped. After that we went on short outings to places and for meals. Each time it gets a little easier. I've only went out once by myslef and and I had to rush home because I thought I was having a panic attack. Yesterday was 2 weeks since we lost our son. I had a f/u appt with my rheumatologist. Which happened to be at the hospital where I delivered and of course where I work. So I went and visited my coworkers. In the end it was the hardest day I've had since delivering but it also really helped me. I'm thinking about going back to work on the 24th. I hope this is a good thing for me.
Sorry this ran a little long.
Congrats to Heatherhah! Baby girl has finally arrived!
Congrats to my Labor Buddy SouthernBellaKS