Late Term and Child Loss

Left the house

DH made me go for a drive today. I left the house to go to the bank and to the doctor's office but that was the first time I left for a longish time. It was really hard. I kept looking in the backseat. I pictured Jack being back there behind us SO many times.

It was really hard. I know I have to get out more and I have to eventually start looking for a job but it's still just so hard for me to get out of the house. Everything just makes me think of him and all the plans and ideas I had.

Thanks for listening.

TTC since November 2009. DH diagnosed with sperm antibodies. IUI #1 = BFN IUI #2 = BFN On the road to IVF.... Egg Retrieval Jan 21, 2011 16 eggs retrieved Egg transfer Jan 26, 2011 Only 2 viable eggs transferred. 1 IVF, 1 ICSI IVF #1 = BFP :-) 10/3/11 No heart beat at 38 weeks: Our baby Jack became an angel 12/14/11 = natural BFP Rainbow baby Samantha Jacklyn born8/8/12. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Re: Left the house

  • I am sorry sweetie.  I still remember my first outing, my mom and sister made me leave the house and get a pedicure and I just felt so numb.
    TTC since 07/2009
    Me: PCOS, Blood/Immune Issues DH: Low all 3
    Jun.- Sep. 2010 IUI#1-#3 = BFN
    Oct. 2010 = IVF #1 = B/G Twins (passed away Feb. 2011)
    May 2011 = Myomectomy and trans-abdominal cerclage (TAC)
    Sep. 2011 = Surprise BFP = C/P
    Feb. 2012 = sFET #1 = BFN
    Feb.2012 = Hail Mary IUI #4 = BFN
    April/May 2012 = FET #2 w/our last two embies = BFP (Please let this be it!)
    Beta #1 8dp5/6dt = 234 Beta #2 10dp5/6dt = 695 Beta #3 12dp5/6dt = 1796 Beta #4 17dp5/6dt = 17,888 U/S #1 May 17, 2012 = Twins
    Baby B's heart stop beating at 9 weeks 5 days
    Our little miracle baby is a boy. :)

    Baby Boy Owen and Baby Girl Avery were born too early on Feb. 13, 2011 due to a pedunculated fibroid, incompetent cervix and suspected placental abruption.
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    "What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose." - Henry Ward Beecher
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    Lots of love and luck to my PAIF/3T/IF Veteran ladies, especially my dear friend Zookie. Congrats to Papps, Teach84 and Starbuck on their little ones.
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  • The first trip out is the hardest. I went to the grocery store the same night that Aidan passed and I cried the entire time I was in there. It was go in the store or sit in the car alone. I couldn't be alone and MH needed to get food to make me eat.
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  • I can definitely remember those days. I can tell you though, that with time, it gets better. I am so sorry for your loss! 

     

    (((hugs))) 

  • I remember coming home from the hospital and not wanting to be in the house. My Hubby and I just got in the car and drove for hours. We felt the house was so empty without our children and we didn't want to be there.

     ((HUGS)) I promise you it will get easier, the pain will still be there, your heart will never heal but you will start to feel more human.

  • I didn't leave the house for over 2 weeks other than to make funeral arrangements and the service. I took 3 months out of work, there is no real timeline which sucks because id like to know when its going to finally "get better"
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  • I felt the same way for a while whenever I left my house.  For the first week or so after Elliot died, I spent most of the time alone in the bedroom.  I just didn't want to deal with anyone or anything.  Thinking of the plans and what could have been is so hard.  Big (((HUGS)))
    Mom to Eliott Alexander, born sleeping at 37 weeks on 8/13/10. Most of us only dream of angels - I held one in my arms.
    BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
    BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
    Too beautiful for this earth
    BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
  • Thank you all, ladies. Glad I'm not the only agoraphobic person stuck in a rut at my house.
    TTC since November 2009. DH diagnosed with sperm antibodies. IUI #1 = BFN IUI #2 = BFN On the road to IVF.... Egg Retrieval Jan 21, 2011 16 eggs retrieved Egg transfer Jan 26, 2011 Only 2 viable eggs transferred. 1 IVF, 1 ICSI IVF #1 = BFP :-) 10/3/11 No heart beat at 38 weeks: Our baby Jack became an angel 12/14/11 = natural BFP Rainbow baby Samantha Jacklyn born8/8/12. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • I'm sorry,it is definitely hard the first time out!I remember the first time I had to go to the doctor's office to see my endocrinologist about 2 weeks after Adria passed away,it's right across the street from the hospital she passed at.It was so hard,but has gotten easier with time.

    (((hugs)))

    Lilypie - (yNYF)

    Lilypie - (bSes)

    T1 diabetes diagnosed 11/95 due to severe pancreatic injury
    BFP 1 1/22/10 EDD 9/30/10 Adria b. 9/11/10 d.8/9/11, Transposition of the Great Arteries,
    Pleural effusion, Kidney Failure
    BFP 2 4/26/12 EDD 1/3/13 M/C 5/13/12
    BFP 3 10/3/12 EDD 6/17/13 Twins! Preston and Juliet b. 5/22/13

     

     

     

     

     

  • So sorry hun, I think we've all been there. I had no interest in leaving the house and mh just didn't understand. I still have days like that from time to time when I just don't feel up to facing the world.
  • Most of the time when I left the house after our loss I could only be out for an hour or so and then I would get frustrated and upset and went right back home.

    I hated going back to work because it was like I was really moving on but without my babies to come home to.

    I hope things get better for you as each day goes by.

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  • I am so sorry. I remember one of my first outings was to go to Walmart to buy something I needed and walking by the baby section, I instantly regretted that I didn't ask someone to do it for me instead. Sad
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    DD #1 passed away in January 2011 at 14 days old due to congenital heart disease
    DD#2 lost in January 2012 at 23 weeks due to anhydramnios caused by a placental abruption
  • (Hugs) I too had a hard time leaving the house at first. By the second week I was going a little crazy so my DH said let's just go away for a while. We went up to the cottage for that second week so that we could just be alone. It really helped a lot. I was out of the house but still away from everyone. 

    Take the small steps when you are ready.  

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  • Also a heads up to avoid Malls until you are ready. Especially during the day time. They are FULL of pregnant women/mothers with strollers. I went about a month after losing Ian and ended up running out in tears. I couldn't believe how many there were! 

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  • Leaving the house for the first time was the hardest. We went to the cemetery to pick out a plot and then to the grocery store. I didn't think I would make it home fast enough. After that MH made me go for short drives and that helped. After that we went on short outings to places and for meals. Each time it gets a little easier. I've only went out once by myslef and and I had to rush home because I thought I was having a panic attack. Yesterday was 2 weeks since we lost our son. I had a f/u appt with my rheumatologist. Which happened to be at the hospital where I delivered and of course where I work. So I went and visited my coworkers. In the end it was the hardest day I've had since delivering but it also really helped me. I'm thinking about going back to work on the 24th. I hope this is a good thing for me.

     Sorry this ran a little long.

    Logan Gregory born sleeping 9/29/2011 @ 40wks 2days Forever in our hearts Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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