Community› The Bump Message Boards› Pre-School and Daycare
Pre-School and Daycare
New Discussion

In Need of Advice

moet2024moet2024
in Pre-School and Daycare

Totally overwhelmed. I have a bit of a unique situation and need help. I am raising my 2 neices and now pregnant for the first time successful with twin girls. My husband and I have been raising my 6yr old niece since she was 6months old. So basically we feel in every way that she is ours and part of us. My 3yr old niece came to stay with us a year ago. I thought that we were adjusting well and it was such a blessing to see the girls have this time to be sisters. However I am having a hard time bonding with her. I feel like she is getting cheated and not getting all the benefits that a mother can truly offer. She needs attention and affection constantly and I know that this is normal but I am not able to give it to her. I feel like a horrible person and know that she deserves better. Recently she has started urinating at really random times even though she has been potty trained for over a year. She will stand in front of me and stare at me and just go. The issue is carrying over to daycare now. She sat at the lunch table eating and just went, didnt bother to tell anyone and finished her lunch. I am at a breaking point and not sure what to do.

Report Reply to Post

Re: In Need of Advice

  • PeskyPesky member
    Try spending a bit more one on one time with lots of hugging and snuggling.  Reading together, trying to make a craft together, baking together (DD really digs that).  Bonding isn't instantaneous.  Try to find things about her to say every day that are positive -- "I love your smile," "You are so great at X," "You are such a great sister".  By constantly looking for positive things to point out to her in a reaffirming way, I bet you will start looking at her in a more positive light too.  It sounds like it is a time of upheaval for you all and she be feeling nervous about her position in the household with the babies on the way.  So I'd just try to go out of your way to make her feel loved and secure and hopefully that will help.  If things don't improve, I'd probably look into some counseling for her and maybe you to help with the bond.  GL!


    image
    DD -- 5YO
    DS -- 3YO

    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • jlw2505jlw2505 member
    I would try to put yourself in the mindset of "she is my child, what can I do to help my daughter".  I know it is not the same thing but she is reacting to the situation of being with you and now the babies coming.  It is hard for anyone especially a foster child.  Spend one on one time with her and your DH do the same.  Find out what she loves to do and do that, have her help you with things around the same, make her feel like a big girl and grown up.  With my girls, we have set things they need to do in the house and set behaviors in the house that we expect daily.,  They earn a reward stick each day they do these things, once they have 7 sticks, they get a prize which can be going out for a treat with mom or dad or getting a small prize (we hit the $ bin and stuff like that).  It works really well with my girls.
    Jenni Mom to DD#1 - 6-16-06 DD#2 - 3-13-08 
    Report Reply
  • BrewtowngrlBrewtowngrl member

    I would add that that regression is really common.  It might just be a stage she is going through or she realizes that her world will be turned upside down again with addition of 2 new babies.  Give her time with that.  maybe start a reward for staying dry like a few M&M's or pick up some prizes from the dollar bin at target. 

    One on one time is really important.  I have to make sure I do it with DS1 and his world has not been rocked as many times as hers.  

    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker TickerBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Report Reply
  • moet2024moet2024
    Thank you for all the great advice!!!  I am working and will will continue to do so on our relationship.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"