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April 2012 Moms
wilburbud
member
XP: MIL offered to stay with us after delivery
wilburbud
member
My Mother in law, who is very, very kind, offered to stay at our home with us for the first week, two weeks, three weeks, whatever time frame we needed, when the baby is born. My DD is 9 now, and honestly, I don't remember if it would have "been nice" to have the extra help.
MIL is generally the KINDEST woman. She will never do anything to purposly hurt anyone. That being said, she will tip toe around the most basic discussions for fear of "offending" or hurting your feelings.. so it often takes three calls just for her to ask if she can come for dinner this weekend. Also. Shes not a good housekeeper at her house, but when we went on our honeymoon, she did come and clean our house while we were gone...
Would you, or are you planning to have, family stay with you that first week after delivery? Why or why not?
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Re: XP: MIL offered to stay with us after delivery
We didn't have anyone stay with us, but our family all lives within an hour of us, so people came over all the time. I wasn't alone with DS all day until he was a month old. DH took off work for a week after DS was born and between that and my mom, dad, sister, and MIL, someone was always here. I did really appreciate it, because I was able to take a lot of naps!
Honestly, I'm hoping the same thing happens this time around so that someone can be here to play with DS #1 if I need to be with the baby, or hold the baby so I can play with DS. For us, having someone stay overnight didn't make sense because everyone lives so close and because we BF. Its not like my MIL could get up in the middle of the night to make a bottle!
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Konstantino
Maximo
FOLLOW ME ON PINTEREST https://pinterest.com/raffaella1030/
I'd like my mom to come by after we've had the kid for a week or so. I think she'd like to be there immediately (like right after I deliver) but my sister gave me good advice. She said that the first week, you're really just figuring things out. While you are still figuring things out in the second week, you have a grasp on what you're doing and how you want it done, so I'd be able to tell my mom all of that.
Also, DH will probably only take about a week off, and I'd like it to just be the three of us for a while.
mm 2/17/11 * dd born 4/20/12 * bo 1/3/14 * edd 1/21/ 1/15
I don't think I would want anyone to stay with us right after delivery. That being said, my parents will likely purchase their plane tickets right around my due date given that I gave birth two weeks early both times. If this little one decides to hang out longer, then it's possible they would be here right when we get home from the hospital.
It really depends on your situation though - we have a really great support system of neighbors and my in-laws live across town so if we need help it's only a call away. If we were more isolated, I might be more apt to have an extra pair of hands around.
I def do not my MIL to stay with us.She can visit if she wants. She is only 20 minutes away. BUT, can already hear her talking crap about me not inviting her over or her getting to spend time at our house. If she treated me better then we wouldn't be having this problem. Her fault, not mine.
On the other hand my mom lives really close by too. I have already asked my mom to take a week off after our baby is born. I don't need her to stay with us but I am going to need some help and the first one to admit it!
No. I don't plan to have anyone over and I think I'm going to have to get vocal with my mother about stopping by all the time. I don't mind occasional help and all that but (this is going to sound awful) I don't really like having her in my house for extended periods of time. She smokes like a chimney and whenever she comes over my house still stinks long after she's gone... it's gross. We are definitely a non smoking home and the smoke really bothers me, and even though we make people smoke outside I feel like she always has a cloud of gross following her around.
DD1- 12/26/05 DD2- 4/12/12
For both kids, my mom stayed the week before and two weeks after the birth. Then my MIL came for a week or two. I cannot recommend this enough. If you can tolerate their presence, it's so awesome. It gives you time to bond with baby and rest without having to cook, clean, do laundry, go to the grocery store, run errands, etc. And if it's your second or more, it gives you a chance to have guilt-free one-on-one time with the new baby while your other kid(s) have fun grandma time.
Before I had kids, I would have sworn that I could NOT abide my mom in my house for three weeks (my MIL is super easy to get along with). She drives me crazy, but both times, I was begging her to stay just a few more days. Obviously, if you have a bad relationship with MIL or mom, you shouldn't do this, but if it's tolerable... DO IT!
Konstantino
Maximo
FOLLOW ME ON PINTEREST https://pinterest.com/raffaella1030/
Nobody is staying with me. When I had DD I was young and so scared because my mom didn't even go to my house after the hospital but I made it so I will be just fine with this one. I think it would be more of a pain in the a$$ than helpful if my MIL or mother stayed with me.
DD #1 passed away in January 2011 at 14 days old due to congenital heart disease
DD#2 lost in January 2012 at 23 weeks due to anhydramnios caused by a placental abruption
I would love someone to come stay at my house, or to at least come during the day, but I doubt I'll get any help. If DH is back to work for the season (he usually gets laid off at some point in the winter because he does construction) then he'll likely be back to work ASAP. I'll likely only have him home for a day or two.
If anyone comes it would be my MIL and my dad, they would help a lot while they were here, but my MIL works so she couldn't be here every day and my dad is on limited income and can't drive up. He MIGHT be willing to stay overnight, but I think DH would get pissy about it. Anyone else who would come would be annoying. DH's brothers and FIL and all of them would just want to coo over the new baby and take pictures and get in the way. AND they'd probably expect me to feed them. I love DH's family, but I remember distinctly disliking the whole lot of them after DS was born because they were SO inconsiderate.
So I'll likely be on my own from the get-go. I'm REALLY looking forward to it. not.
I think it depends on your personality. I was happy to have my mom taking care of DD when I was in the hospital after DS was born, but once I was home I wanted some space. My mom and I get along fine but I just like being able to do things my way and I didn't really feel like I needed help. MIL isn't welcome in our home so that wasn't an issue.
Also I'm pretty modest and I liked for it to be just DH and me at home so I could just BF topless when my boobs were sooo sore and even a bra was uncomfortable.
DD1 9.24.06
DS 7.1.08
twins due 9.7.11 lost twin A at
DD2 4.7.12
NO! My MIL was to stay with us when DS was born for about a week to two weeks, I kicked her out after 3 days. She knew that she was to come cook and clean and to help with the baby WHEN I asked for it. I told her when she got there that I already had a few days alone and can handle DS but needed help with having meals ready and the cleaning. Her idea of making food was to eat the food that my church so kindly brought to us after his birth. She didn't want to cook she wanted she was on "vacation". She complained about my shower (we have 2) was disgusting and that I needed to clean it more than every 3 months. I reminded her I gave birth to a 10 lb baby and for the past 5 months there was no bending down. She said that I could've tried so needless to say she didn't cook or clean. She always complained that I didn't let her help with DS, I said I said you could change diapers, she said she wanted to feed him and I said I was BFing and she couldn't feed him and she said that I should let her feed formula to him since it is so much healthier than BM. That was the final straw, I told DH that she needed to go, so she was to go the next day. Well the last morning DH had asked her to take care of DS so that I could catch some sleep since he was up most of the night wanting to eat. Well she decided to take a nap and didn't even bother getting up when DS cried, I had to. Oh and then when FIL came to pick her up (they live 2 hours away) I HAD to make them dinner before they left. I said to DH never again.
The relationship has been so strained it's to the point that I don't ever want to see them and the thought of them visiting gives me anxiety (worse if it's without me there). We had issues with his father decided to scream at me and my guests at DS's christening because DH and I didn't want to give him DS's SS # for savings bonds. We tried to explain to him that he could use his own number and it wouldn't be printed and he called me a liar even though 4 other people at the party said they did that exact same thing (use theirs instead of insisting on DS's). That was August of '10 and his father has not been allowed back in my house since I would never show that amount of disrespect in any one else's house. As far as MIL, she's very passive-aggressive, she continued to say that BM is poisonous and said that DS was sickly and underweight (she is of the mindset that healthy babies are chubby and DS is tall and skinny). She's done some things the one time they babysat (prior to the christening) that had some real safety issues brought up, she decided to lay him on the counter at 6 weeks old so she could cook--he was next to the stove) that their visits are to be supervised by DH and I (DH agrees to a point). Oh and when told about the counter/stove, she thought that was the safest place for him, not the bouncy seat we bought because that's dangerous. She also use to tie her children to trees so they could play outside while she would stay in the house.
DH has even said before we told them that she will want to stay and I said out of the question. I said I will tell her exactly why she can't and she will not like it. As it was he told her that we were expecting and there wasn't even a congrats from her so I think she knows she will not be staying. They do believe that I am keeping DS and DH away from them but they don't understand why because they can do no wrong.
I once had a picture until the trolls showed up.
TTC #1 7/08 PCOS dx 8/28/04 Met 1000 mg and Clomid cycles 1-4 1/6/09-5/2/09 BFN
Clomid 100mg 6/4/09=O'd=BFP on 6/29/09! Beta@14DPO 70.8 Beta@16DPO 152. EDD 3/7/10.
First u/s on 7/13/09 @6w0d heard and saw heartbeat 102 bpm.
K M #1 arrived via c/s 3/1/10 10 lbs, 22 inches long at 39 weeks.
Surprise expecting #2. Med-free BFP on 8/1/11! Beta@15DPO 58.2 Beta@17DPO 198.3 Beta@23DPO 2338. EDD 4/9/12
K M #2 arrived via c/s 3/19/12 9 lbs 2 oz, 21 inches long at 37 weeks.
"If we weren't all crazy we would go insane."