Moms of kids 4+ years apart

scrappingcat · October 2011

What are the pros/cons?

We have recently been discussing the idea of #2. DS is 2.5 now and neither of us are ready quite yet. We have been talking alot about planning to have #2 after DS is in kindergarten.

I would love to hear from anyone who has children spaced farther apart. We are concerned about them bonding together and feeling like we have to "start over", not be able to travel as soon with DS, ect.

jessica1080 · October 2011

I would love to hear opinions on this as well. My DD will be 4 in December and I would love to have another one, but we aren't ready right now and we are already knocking on the door for 5+ years!

brightning · October 2011

I'll find out in 5 wks! DD will be 4.5 yrs old when her baby sister is born. I'm *hoping* that it'll work out. DD will start preschool when the baby is 2 mos old, and when she's 9 mos old, DD will be starting kindergarten. I hope that this will mean DD is so distracted/excited by the new things happening in her life - and out of the house for several hours a day - that she won't spend as much time being jealous or upset.

I'm also hoping the age gap works in our favor when it comes to toys. They'll be at different stages and not necessarily fighting over the same things. For the baby's sake, it'll mean I can take her to the zoo and spend lots of one-on-one time with her during the day when DD is in school.

For practical/lazy reasons, I'm glad that I've got a big girl who STTN, is potty-trained, gets dressed and does a lot of things independently.

kmhunt11 · October 2011

DD will be 2 weeks shy of her 4th bday when #2 arrives! Fingers crossed! I know exactly what you mean by not being ready. We weren't for the longest time. We finally decided "It's now or never!" Some days I'm excited, and others I think "ugh! do I really have to deal with diapers, getting up in the middle of the night, breast feeding, etc all over again???!!!"

UsedToBeGoldie · October 2011

my sister is 5yrs older than me... and my brothers are 8 and 9 years older than me.

I don't have a ton of memories of my brothers as a kid b/c they were off to college when I was about 9yo...

my sister and I didn't get along well - until I was in 8th grade and she had just graduated HS - at that point we were both mature enough to realize that having a sister was a good thing - and since then we have been very close.

i don't think age really matters that much... i know people close in age to their siblings who hate each other... and siblings many years apart who are best friends.

scrappingcat · October 2011

Glad to hear we aren't the only ones trying to make this decision! It just seems like there are so many good AND not-so-great things about the spacing.

For us, it's looking more and more like larger spacing or one and done! I just can't imagine throwing an infant into the mix right now. We love the stage that DS is in and we want to give him that time alone right now!

mrswright2006 · October 2011

PROS

DD helps with her brother a lot, and is able to tend to herself/play by herself while I am tending to her brother. One Preschool tuition at a time. DS gets more of my time than he would have gotten if there was less than a 3 year gap, because DD is in preschool FT 2 days a week.

CONS

DD gets frustrated that she has to be the big kid, and that DS takes some of the attention away from her. Naps are harder, since DD has activities she can't miss, and DS sometimes gets woke up from 2-4 naps because of that.

I like this age gap. As for bonding, my kids adore each other right now. The only thing is, DS will always be the little brother ... meaning he will follow her around like a puppy (he already does), and that get get on DD's nerves at times, but she does love him.

As for 'starting over,' yeah, I sometimes feel that way, but in other ways, I feel like I can give DS more of the attention he needs than if they were closer in age.

Since we rarely travel, I can't comment on that, but I have found that DS is much better at car trips than his sister ever was, since he has someone back there to entertain him.

capulet · October 2011

We'll find out soon too! DD is turning four on Monday and her brother is coming after Thanksgiving. We went back and forth for a while about when/if to TTC #2 - it was hard in a way because DD wasn't planned (although she came at a good time for us), so we really had to commit to the decision this time. I pretty much always knew I wanted to space out my kids at least 2.5-3 years, because I couldn't imagine myself as a 2u2 mom and DH and I also happen to have been only children for 3.5 years (my sister is actually only 18 months younger but was adopted when she was 2). But even after that point it was hard to make up our minds.

I like that DD is independent enough now that she's potty trained, can dress herself with minimal help, and can entertain herself for a period of time while I'm doing something else. She is also old enough to understand what's going on and is looking forward to being a big sister. She's in preschool part of the day, so she spends time outside the house, which is good for her and for me. No competition over toys and stuff. No need for a double stroller.

Cons: I have mixed feelings about "starting over." I'm 36, so spacing out kids means not having very many - I think I will be fine with two but for a while I was thinking I might want three or four. I saved most of DD's baby stuff, but I have to think about car seats expiring before DS outgrows them. I feel kind of guilty that DD will have had so much time as an only child with my full time attention and her brother won't - I've been a SAHM but I want to start working within the next year (just finished a professional degree), which will make DS's childhood different, although that isn't necessarily a bad thing, it just raises dilemmas like daycare that I didn't have with DD.

As for the rest, we'll see...but I think we made the right decision to wait as long as we did.

hmr22 · October 2011

We have a DS that will be 4 in December and are currently TTC, I always wanted my kids closer together however, due to circumstances in our lives since my son was born we finally feel that we are ready for another.I will say that I am not looking forward to "starting over" but at the same time I can't wait to have another baby in my arms, plus our DS really wants (that's what he says now) a brother or a sister because all of his friends have siblings.

FroggyFarts · October 2011

mrswright2006:
PROS
DD helps with her brother a lot, and is able to tend to herself/play by herself while I am tending to her brother. One Preschool tuition at a time. DS gets more of my time than he would have gotten if there was less than a 3 year gap, because DD is in preschool FT 2 days a week.
CONS
DD gets frustrated that she has to be the big kid, and that DS takes some of the attention away from her. Naps are harder, since DD has activities she can't miss, and DS sometimes gets woke up from 2-4 naps because of that.
I like this age gap. As for bonding, my kids adore each other right now. The only thing is, DS will always be the little brother ... meaning he will follow her around like a puppy (he already does), and that get get on DD's nerves at times, but she does love him.
As for 'starting over,' yeah, I sometimes feel that way, but in other ways, I feel like I can give DS more of the attention he needs than if they were closer in age.
Since we rarely travel, I can't comment on that, but I have found that DS is much better at car trips than his sister ever was, since he has someone back there to entertain him.

This is so helpful! I've been nervous about the spacing for some time now. As it stands now, DS will be 4.5 when #2 is born.

RobinSparkles214 · October 2011

I wish we would've had our boys much closer together. I felt like we finally got to a comfortable place with DS1 and then we decided to have another baby. It was starting all over again, I just wish we would've crammed it all together.

We're currently entertaining the idea of baby #3. I just want them to be able to play together more, and get all of the sleepless nights out of the way.

annak23 · October 2011

DD is 4.5 yrs & DS is 5 weeks

PROS: DD is in morning preschool 3 days out of the week, so it is a nice time to take a nap or spend quiet time with DS, or do house cleaning.

DD is independant, it is nice that she can dress, go potty, play by herself.

It is sweet when she wants to hung/kiss him or "play" Barbies with him, or read him a story.

Having a baby again feels easier than the first time. I'm cherishing it more, I think.

I'm hoping once he is older, it will put us more on a routine/schedule.

CONS: She likes to wake him up if he is napping, I still have to figure this one out-she doesn't understand that he needs to nap.

Outtings take longer to get ready for (packing the diaper bag, making sure DD goes potty & has correct clothing/shoes on, loading up in the car, then unloading once you get there, etc)

Shopping is crazy-no more window shopping. You need to have a list of what you need-get in & out otherwise the baby will start crying or the child will throw a tantrum or need to go potty,or run away while you are dealing with a screaming baby lol!, etc. It's better if you can leave one child at home while you shop

Totally feels like we are starting all over again, but I'm hoping once this "baby stage", it will be alot smoother.

Melzig76 · October 2011

I could tell you next spring. DS will be 4 in March, DD will join us in Feb. Right now he is very excited that he is going to have a sister, he wants to hug her all the time, and actually asked me to leave my belly at home with him when I went to work the other day. We plan on making him feel very involved with her and making him feel special. I have big hopes that he will do great and love his sister.

Want a personalized experience?

Moms of kids 4+ years apart

Re: Moms of kids 4+ years apart

Choose Another Board

Search Boards