How often are you home alone with your kiddo(s)?

Zeener · October 2011

As in, w/o DH...just you and the LO(s).

I'll start..starting next week when I go back to work...every weekend from when DH leaves for work (when kiddos wake up) until when kiddos go to sleep. Only time it will be the 4 of us (awake together) are weekdays when we both get home from work. So...like 1.5 to 2 hours a day.

How would you feel if the only time you're not working, you're taking care of the kids by yourself? Is it normal to feel worn out/like you have no break/etc?

pink.dutch.tulips · October 2011

you take a break when they nap :P i'm on my own w/ dd a few times a week and most saturdays. h helps when he can when he's home. you just learn to take breaks when you can. 25 mins of mickey mouse clubhouse can be a godsend sometimes

Mrs.K&C · October 2011

DH and I both travel quite a bit this time of year so there will be 5+ day periods when one of us is on our own with the kids - drop off, pick up, etc. Typically we are home on the weekends but sometimes the travel will happen on a Sunday or something. There's always an end in sight though, and this 3 month period is when my travel is the most so after Dec it lightens up considerably. I would have a very, very hard time with your schedule. Normal to feel like you have no break? Hell, if you didn't feel like that you would be abnormal! You don't get a break!

Zeener · October 2011

I don't know what I would do without Little Einsteins. She gets about an hour a day of it, yikes.

Do you ever feel lonely? I have always had a hard time with DH not being home on weekends. Everyone goes to pumpkin patches and fun outings and this and that with their families and we don't bc of DH's work. Its just me and two kids. I haven't mastered going out with the two of them since Tay is very rambunctious and hard to keep in one place (and isn't the biggest fan of strollers), so its hard.

Its always been an issue for us, but now with two kids, i'm more upset about it than ever. I hate having opposite schedules.

Zeener · October 2011

Mrs.K&C:
DH and I both travel quite a bit this time of year so there will be 5+ day periods when one of us is on our own with the kids - drop off, pick up, etc. Typically we are home on the weekends but sometimes the travel will happen on a Sunday or something. There's always an end in sight though, and this 3 month period is when my travel is the most so after Dec it lightens up considerably. I would have a very, very hard time with your schedule. Normal to feel like you have no break? Hell, if you didn't feel like that you would be abnormal! You don't get a break!

That's great that there's a break in site at least, especially December b/c of the holidays. Decembers are the worst for us. I'm M-F 9-5 and he works 6 days a week from 11-9pm. His day off is during the week. Holidays are ALWAYS cut short and hard to plan because of his work. EVERYTHING is always hard because of his work. I don't know why he thinks its worth it.

F*ck i'm in tears right now. Sorry to be such a downer

Lesley423 · October 2011

Zeener:
Do you ever feel lonely? I have always had a hard time with DH not being home on weekends. Everyone goes to pumpkin patches and fun outings and this and that with their families and we don't bc of DH's work. Its just me and two kids. I haven't mastered going out with the two of them since Tay is very rambunctious and hard to keep in one place (and isn't the biggest fan of strollers), so its hard.
Its always been an issue for us, but now with two kids, i'm more upset about it than ever. I hate having opposite schedules.

I'd really struggle with it mostly because of what you just said there. I really like doing things as a family on weekends. I feel like our weekdays are very routine and there's not a whole lot of fun time built in to our schedule between day care pick ups, dinner, bath, bedtime, etc.

I'm also a bit scared about handling 2 kids by myself...but it hasn't even been 3 weeks yet. I'm hoping I'll become brave at some point.

ladipale · October 2011

Yes, yes, yes, it is normal to feel worn out and like you have no break.

We both work a pretty typical workweek, but John often has to go into the office or lock himself in our home office at least one/day per weekend, sometimes both. Its hard to feel like work is now my break, but sometimes that is how I feel.

Do you have family nearby that can take one morning/weekend to come over and help out so you can maybe sleep in, run some errands alone, or anything?

Mrs.K&C · October 2011

Zeener:
F*ck i'm in tears right now. Sorry to be such a downer

I'm really sorry, hon. I would really, really struggle with that schedule. I couldn't take both kids out to outings like that by myself until Travis got much older because sabrina can be so out of control - well, that and Travis screamed for 3 months straight. It gets easier to take them both out eventually but it doesn't make it any less lonely, I'm sure. You have every right to be sad. (((

Zeener · October 2011

ladipale:
Yes, yes, yes, it is normal to feel worn out and like you have no break.
We both work a pretty typical workweek, but John often has to go into the office or lock himself in our home office at least one/day per weekend, sometimes both. Its hard to feel like work is now my break, but sometimes that is how I feel.
Do you have family nearby that can take one morning/weekend to come over and help out so you can maybe sleep in, run some errands alone, or anything?

My mom is the only family nearby and we don't have the best relationship...thus I try to limit things. She does help every other week for a little bit, but then I stress when i'm gone since she's my mom. If we lived in Sac, we'd have all of DH's family, but then again, he may not be working weekends. Sigh

Zeener · October 2011

Mrs.K&C:
Zeener:
F*ck i'm in tears right now. Sorry to be such a downer
I'm really sorry, hon. I would really, really struggle with that schedule. I couldn't take both kids out to outings like that by myself until Travis got much older because sabrina can be so out of control - well, that and Travis screamed for 3 months straight. It gets easier to take them both out eventually but it doesn't make it any less lonely, I'm sure. You have every right to be sad. (((

Thanks. Yeah, its a struggle. I feel worn out emotionally (thx DH) and physically (thx Taylor), super lonely, sad and angry. I'm tired of missing him. I'm tired of resenting his work. I'm tired of this issue, since its the issue we've had for 5 years now. (when it was just us, we couldn't travel or do stuff w/ friends b/c of his work. Now with kids?...its 100x more upsetting).

I feel the only thing that would change this situation is if he had another job, but DH really likes his job and with the economy and other factors, he doesn't feel like getting another job is realistic.

Sorry i'm a totally pity party.

Zeener · October 2011

...and that's another thing! I feel lonely but I have the two most precious kids ever. How sh*tty is that!?

mrscerruti2be · October 2011

I'm often with the kids alone since I am a sahm. Lately dh has been working out of town and it is so hard to do everything on your own especially bathtime, bedtime and every meal. It is completely normal to feel overwhelmed and it would drive me bonkers if there were no end in sight.

Do you have family nearby? I am fortunate enough to be able to call my ils for help. Even if it is just taking one, it helps tremendously. If family isn't an option, have you thought of a Mother's helper? I really think getting a break saves my sanity. You need some sort of downtime.

As for getting out of the house, I promise it will get easier. Wearing the baby was the easiest when I had to wrangle the toddler.

Feeling lonely is also hard. My saving grace was finding other Mommies that had kids close in age. The bump was very helpful with that. Are there bumpies near by that you can have playdates with? I would love to have you over if you don't mind the drive.

Hang in there. I swear that everything that you are feeling is normal. Pretty much everyone with two has had those same feelings. You are not alone.

yosemite · October 2011

I'm sorry. That is a rough schedule. I think your feelings are totally normal. My husband's work schedule has him typically gone from our house before we're up and home just in time for dinner. He also works six to seven 24 hour shifts a month and often those fall on weekends (the entire weekend). I sometimes feel like it's a lot for me to handle in addition to my full-time career and I only have one child. It's a lot of weight to carry; to work and be responsible for the lion share of domestic responsibilities. Do you have friends or family in the area who can help you on weekends? To have someone babysit for 2-3 hours, so I can run errands uninterrupted, is such a treasured gift. Also, are you a member of a gym? Ours has child care starting at six weeks and sometimes I will drop her off just to sit in the sauna for a bit and relax. Lastly, I agree that it is hard to see other families out having fun adventures, but I don't let that hold her and I back (then again I only have one!). I've taken her all over and I enjoy that I can. Sure, I wish my DH was there on every adventure, but he can't be, so we make the most of it.

MommySteph2009 · October 2011

I rarely have any breaks from my kids, except when I am at work or in the shower.

ETA: DH used to work the weekends too, now he is off on Sundays but often takes off to play golf or watches football all day and I end up taking care of the kids by myself.

I am in a similar situation that you are that our family lives in the Bay still and I would have more help if we lived closer.

Sorry you are struggling, it's so tough feeling like a single mom.

KellyMRocks · October 2011

DH is gone 4-6 weeks at a time, home 4-6 weeks. G doesn't nap. It sucks. I'm unhappy, and resentful. Yes, I feel lonely. And sad and mad. I wish I could tell you something to make it better. It just sucks.

pkw · October 2011

I am a SAHM and full-time student. I am home alone with EJ Friday thru Monday for 10-13 hours a day (depending on how much overtime he has to work). DH is home alone with EJ Tue and Thurs for 10 hours when I am at school. Wednesday is our only day together a week.

I feel worn out, and lonely a lot. I am exhausted becuase I get one day a week that I have help and my other two days without EJ I am at school. I spend all his naps and my nights doing homework for my 7 classes. It is really rough. I hate that even when DH is home at night that I often have to forgo time with him to do homework after EJ is down.

I have my parents and my IL's close by so usually one weekend day a week one of them takes EJ for 2-4 hours to give me a little break, though I usually am doing homework during it.

It is really rough, and I feel really overdone but this is what we have to do right now to make it work.

Zeener · October 2011

Thank for the support ladies.

Like a couple of you said, it is lonely and there are those times where I feel like a single mom. It sucks. I just need to find a way to accept it.

Haning out with mom friends definitely help...but then I get all insecure, LOL. Like, everyone has their shiz together, do I look like I don't? I'm insecure like that.

I was telling my friend the other day that when people see me on my own with the two kids, that it must be instant birth control. LOL

At any rate, if anyone have any tips on how to ward off the lonely feeling, when you know that you aren't alone, that would be awesome.

And Shannon, it would be super cool to meet up sometime! I need to get my butt out of the 408! :P

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