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LIAngel
member
At my wits end with Nicholas- Long.
LIAngel
member
Please someone give me back my sweet boy. OMG- where to begin.
Eating: I'd say he eats like a bird, but I honestly think a bird eats better than him. He will not sit at the table and eat. I'm fine if he doesn't want to sit in his booster seat, but he does need to eat at the table. He would rather not eat and just play. yeah yeah I know he'll eat when he's hungry, but I think he is so stubborn that he'd rather starve than eat what's in front of him. It's a food battle everyday. He ate no dinner last night and hardly any bkfast this morning.
Tantrums- If tantruming was an Olympic event, Nicholas would take the Gold medal for sure. He wakes up and before he is even out of his crib he is having an all out fit. I try to get him out and he just flops all over the place and I can't. So I leave him in there and get his clothes/diaper out. If I try to leave the room (maybe he's not ready to get up yet?) he flips out. He can see the stairs from his room and points and says "No down". So I say "Okay you want to go downstairs?" and try to get him out and he starts swatting at me and saying "Nooooo!" (sigh). We finally get out of the crib where he is a snotty mess from crying and I wrestle him into his clothes (it's a school day, so we need to get out of the house otherwise I couldn't care less if he stayed in his pajamas all morning). We get downstairs (meanwhile poor Ava is still in her crib waiting for me to get her) and Nicholas is STILL having a fit. He takes the vaccuum out of the closet and wants me to lay it on the floor. Fine. I go upstairs to get Ava. Talk about night and day. I go into her and she's all smiles and happy (unlike some 2 yr olds I know). Nicholas meanwhile is at the bottom of the stairs crying. (kill me now). I go down with Ava and get ready to feed her. Nicholas just won't let up. I make him breakfast (French toast sticks) and put on tv for him. He won't touch it. (Grrrrr!) I give him a sippy cup. He throws it. He is an all out diseaster. I had to stop feeding Ava and I did something I am not proud of. I put her down and screamed at Nicholas "OMG!!!! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?! SHUT UP!!!!!" I seriously could not take the wining and crying for one more second. I can't even believe I told my kid to shut up, but he really pushed my last button. He also took a picture frame and broke it. So here I am cleaning up broken glass. Poor Ava was so patient while her feeding time was delayed so I can clean up. She kept watching Nicholas during his epic tantrum and smiled/laughed at him. Then we had to get out of the house. I don't even know how I got Ava dressed and fed and everything loaded into the car (thankfully diaper bag and Nicholas' school stuff was all ready the night before). I looked like a hot mess dropping N off.
I am just sick of the tantrums. Every single day. I know that when he grows out of them, Ava will be starting with them. I keep hearing how 3 is worse than 2, and if that's the case, I'm terrified of the 3's.
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Re: At my wits end with Nicholas- Long.
Big hugs.
Have you asked him what happened? Once he's calm, does he explain what happened?
World_of_Dennifer
Bloomin'_Babies
Married/Nest_Bio
Believe me I've tried and he won't tell me or doesn't want to tell me. If I ask him "Do you want xyz (going through a list of things like "do you want breakfast? do you want to go see Ava?, do you want to come with Mommy while she finishes getting ready?" he says no.
He can't explain himself or he won't explain himself.
Definitely been there done that. Do NOT feel bad about shouting at your kid, we've ALL done that. Anyone who says otherwise is either a saint or has way more patience that I have.
I've honestly found that telling my kids what they should do helps rather than telling them to stop doing something. Like in this case, if he's tantruming from the start say "when you are ready to sit like a big boy at the table we'll eat", instead of "stop whining". Change your language to positive directions rather than negatives.
Also, don't pay attention to the tantrums. You'll feed them more and more. Asking him a million questions while he's whining is giving him attention. Just ignore him (SO hard I know) and say "when you are calm we'll do XYZ".
Three was much worse than 2 for my DD, but with DS it seems so much easier now, so there is hope!
This may be something you've already tried, but I'll throw it out there just in case. What about giving choices when you can? So, instead of asking if he wants X for breakfast, say, "French toast or pancakes for breakfast? You get to pick." Same thing with the shirt he gets to wear, the shoes, etc. I found with Ava that if I give her two choices, it really limits the tantruming when she can't have what she wants -- it is giving her some of the control over the little things that don't really matter so much to me. It is also just a distraction. My SIL once said to me (years before we had kids ourselves) that parenting is all about the art of distraction, and I really, really believe that to be true, especially with tantrums.
How long has this been going on?
Henry only acts this way when he's sick or seriously overtired. Any chance he has an ear infection or something?
(((hugs))) We have similar issues with eating. We were at a bday party last night and James refused to eat dinner. He still throws food all the time, too.
We also get tantrums where he will ask for something, then refuse it, then scream that he wants it, over and over. ie. "Robot book! I need robot book!" then you hand it to him and he turns away and says "No." As soon as you take it away he starts to scream and cry again "YES Robot book!" Then you give it to him and again it's "No." Ugh. He's had some major tantrums lately too and I know what it's like to feel at your wits' end with the whining.
I wish I had some advice, but I just wanted to say you're not the only one. And I know that Nicholas and James both are behind language-wise and can't really express what has them upset as well as some other kids their age can (if indeed there is really a reason for their tantrums other than just being 2!)
Ditto this. It's been huge for us lately. I offer two positive choices (both get her to do what I want, but she gets to feel like she's choosing). Like when she doesn't want to stop and go to the bathroom, I say, "Potty upstairs or downstairs? You pick." For getting dressed, I say "Pants first or shirt first? You pick."
And lately, she's been throwing a fit when it's time to go upstairs to take a bath. So I've been saying "Do you want to walk or crawl to the stairs?" And usually she crawls because she thinks it's a funny choice. But it stops the tantrum in its tracks!
I completely understand how you feel...Sunday morning Penny started her day off just like that. I tried ignoring her, giving her choices, redirecting her, etc. Which sippy would you like? She chose, and then threw it and starting screaming.
So...I told her that I was going to put her back into her crib for some quiet time so she could calm down. She didn't like that at all, but after a couple of minutes, I went to get her and she was a totally different kid.
I wouldn't ask her immediately after she stops crying/screaming what was wrong, because that sets her off again. I wait until a while later.
He can't say "French toast or pancakes" if I give him a choice. But I will say "Do you want French toast?" he'll say "No" So I'll say "okay do you want pancakes?" he says no. Fine so we go to the fridge and he opens it and I say "Okay you show Mommy what you want (yogurt? cottage cheese?)". Sometimes he does and ,sometimes he just stands there with the door open and flips out if I try to get him out of there.
I will definitely try the choices thing again. Maybe showing him the items (like the box of pancakes and french toast sticks) and have him point and say "that one".
Thanks for the advice.
Thank you. I will work on positive directions rather than negatives. And I will try really really hard to ignore the tantrums.
This has been just recently for us, but lately I've found that when Miles is going apeshit like that I ask him to go to his room until he calms down. What happens is he reluctantly goes to his room, where there are toys, and distracts himself. Then when he comes out all calmed down and smiley we hug it out and move on. He knows that he can cry all he wants and be an animal in there, but when he comes out he has to be in a better mood. But like I said, this is just recently...so it might not work at a younger age.
But we also started giving choices like Jill. It makes him feel like he's more independent. How is N's communication? Does he have a hard time expressing himself? Maybe he's frustrated that he CAN'T tell you what he wants. Just throwing some stuff out there.
You're going to feel bad for your outburst because we all do, but it was totally natural. It's so stinkin' hard to keep your cool while they're going bananas and you're trying to tend to another little one on top of it all. Big hugs to you, Mama. You're doing great. Just hang in there.
Not that I want him to be sick, but I am hoping that this behavior is due to him not feeling well and that once he's feeling better he will be back to his happy self.
This has been going on for a couple of weeks.
I'm sorry you had a rough morning. DD has been throwing fits in the morning too some days and it's so hard to deal with, especially with an infant to care for as well. I don't really have any advice, but I hope tomorrow is a better day. Don't feel badly about losing your temper. We've all been there. (((HUGS)))
We had Ava's christening this weekend and he was all about eating the chips and pretzels. he didn't touch one bite of real food, but went to town on the chips. Ugh! I kept saying no, but he just would not stop. It's not like I could get rid of them (not fair to everyone else).
Too bad we don't live near each other. Nicholas and James could have a playdate while you and I drink some Mommy "juice".
He is so so on communication. Still working on it. he is getting better though. I'm sure he is definitely frustrated.
Sam is often really grumpy in the morning and it is BECAUSE he doesn't eat well. Honestly, I think if you can find some sort of a solution for that it might help immensely. Often Sam is so worked up that it is all I can do to get something in him - usually a few raisins or a few sips of milk are enough to get him to calm down enough to eat. And after a small meal, voila - different kid.
Now, as to how to GET him to eat... that's another story. Honestly I sometimes just have to hold Sam a while, help him to calm down and try a bite of food. I don't think there is any one easy solution so maybe try a bunch of things. Can you bring a sippy of milk to him when he wakes up? Or talk about what he'd like to eat? Give him a few choices to see if that helps?
(hugs) - Sam is starting to tantrum a lot and I know it's going to get worse too. All I can tell myself is that there are hundreds more ahead, and if I let them get to me I'll be grumpy all the time. So I try to just let them go and focus on the times when he's not frustrated.
I am a runner, knitter, scientist, DE-IVF veteran, and stage III colon cancer survivor.
hahahahah! This is our house every.day. And yeah - he can point or choose w/o saying the words. sam does this.
I am a runner, knitter, scientist, DE-IVF veteran, and stage III colon cancer survivor.
I have NO advice cause I am no where near that stage and you have gotten lots of great advice.
As far as the communication goes and giving choices could you make fash
sorry it cut me off. I would maybe cut out the pictures of pancakes/waffles/fruit ect and then he can hold up the sign and tell you which one he wants..I have done this in a classroom setting w my non verbal students.
Also if he is having a hard time in the AM could you maybe do a storyboard or short silly book about your morning routine. It could be ALL pictures and one or two word sentences like Wake up, get out of crib,Ava up, get get dressed, eat, go to school ect..You could read it the night before and then again first thing in the am..It doesn't have to be ANYTHING fancy just something for him to focus his attention and that way he "knows" whats going to happen next..
Not sure how pratical these ideas are but they are things I have done with my pre school students who have a hard time trasitioning from one thing to another..
Again BIG hugs
I agree w/epphd that maybe it's because he's so hungy - my crew is often miserable until they get a little food in them, and then they're so happy once they've eaten (kind of like their mom!). It's a vicious cycle, I know, and it's so hard to deal with tantrums while managing other little people's needs too. Often my "mom guilt" buttons get pushed and I think they're whining a lot b/c of separation anxiety, needing more mommy cuddle time, and/or maybe teething pain. I know it's hard to give extra cuddles in the morning when you're rushed, but I'm curious if you think that any of it might be due to his dislike of the upcoming separation to go to school? maybe if he had some extra cuddles or reassurance?
and I also agree with the trying the positive first. Sometimes I'll just repeat over and over "when you've done X, then you can have Y".
I do think that he is starving and that is adding to the crankiness, but I can't help him if he doesn't eat. I'm sure if he just had a bite or 2 of something, he'd be a little more calmer (I hope).
I have to do this with Avi's shoes, etc. when it is a choice between colors (dark pink or light pink?) and any new(er) or long(er) words. I hold the jar of peanut butter and a clear container of apple slices (or whatever) and say "PB" and put that hand that closer to her and then "or apples" and then put the other hand closer to her. You can see the wheels turning.
But this morning, I wouldn't let her wear her sandals (it's raining) and the choice between two pairs of shoes did not distract her enough from the sandals until she tried to bite me and got a time out. So not a magic bullet. 
And like epphd said, when Avi used to wake up grumpy, I would bring her a sippy of milk and she would drink it cuddled up in bed with me (or maybe she was humoring me while I gradually woke up).
You have probably already tried this, but Avi sometimes throws a fit at night when I put her to bed (because I don't let her stall as much as DH does). Starting a couple of months ago, I just put her in her crib and I ask if she wants to yell or if she want me to stay with her. I tell her that if she wants to yell, then I am going to my own room (I don't say leave because I want her to know I'm still around when she's old enough to understand the difference). Usually she then tries to calm down enough for a hug and some rocking - she doesn't say "Stay," but she'll either say "hug" or hold up her arms. Can N make a choice between getting up or you going to do something else for a while?
I'm so sorry you are having such rough mornings - that would be enough to drive me to drink (I am not a morning person!).
You've all given me some great advice. Hopefully things will be better when I get home from work.
On a sde note, my mom picked him up from school and his teacher said "Nicholas had such a great day. He was laughing and singing (never heard my child sing) and having so much fun". My mom told me this and I said "Hmm maybe his teacher should spend the night at my house and see his morning personality".
I know this is easier said than done, but what is the last thing he eats at night? Can you get some protein into him close to bedtime to help him be less hungry in the morning? Avi usually has a small snack right before bed, and it is usually milk and a spoonful of peanut butter, cheese, or some Greek yogurt. We tried everything to get her to STTN as an older infant/young toddler, and I think the food helped.
https://www.askdrsears.com/topics/family-nutrition/foods-sleep/snooze-foods
Nope that is not it. I brought him to school and he walked right in and sat down and started coloring. Didn't give me a second look. I try to give him extra cuddles in the AM, but he squirms away.
I do this with my DS also. Sometimes he even asks to go to his crib for some alone time as well.
My DS usually wakes up happy, but if he gets woken up or I go in to his room too quickly to get him, he can be a grump - he just needs time to wake up, I think!
I also agree with choices. My DS likes to be involved and do things "all by self." Maybe Nicholas is looking for a little independence?
And don't worry, you are not alone in the yelling. My DD is in the food throwing stage, and often DS copies her, even though he knows better. One day, they both were throwing their dinners on the floor and their milks. I finally picked up one of the sippys and slammed it down on the table and yelled "stop!" They both looked at me, and then kept throwing things...clearly I yell too often if it has ZERO effect on them!!
Yep, Sam is also always an angel at school (after I leave) or for a sitter or grandma or someone else. I think kids know they can be at their worst with parents; they can let their guard down. I think this means they love and trust us with their most raw feelings. While it's frustrating, I think it's actually a really good thing that he's great with others and reserves his tantrums for mama
I am a runner, knitter, scientist, DE-IVF veteran, and stage III colon cancer survivor.
my husband tries to remind me of this all the time.
I'm so sorry! Big, big hugs. It's actually so nice to hear someone else at the end of their rope. In my case it's the attitude! OMG, Gracie acts like a freakin' teenager
It's terrible. She's really just rude and mean! I dont' know what to do except tell her that it's rude and praise her when she's good.
She used to be really good at tantrums, but actually those have gone away. I dont' know if it's because i started ignoring her or because she can tell me what she wants? But she is almost 3 and in my case it's definitely gotten better. GL!
PM me anytime...
Leslie