I often wonder about parents who favor one child.

Mysterious_wife · October 2011

My cousin has 3 girls. The only one she ever post about on FB is her youngest . There are very few if any pictures of her other two girls. She updates about M all the time and never mentions the other two, unless it is negative. Even IRL she treats them differently. She will buy M things and make the other two share one toy. I don't understand it. Why wouldn't you post about the other kids? Why would you favor one over the other? She isn't the only one I have noticed doing it either.

TheOriginalSP · October 2011

I have a friend who does the same thing. She favors her younger one over her older one. I'll be totally honest, before I met her older daughter, I didn't even know she existed!!! That's how bad it is.

I can't imagine ever doing that. I love both of my girls for different reasons, but I don't love either one of them more. I may joke that I love the one that isn't screaming at me more but that's just a joke.

weelass24 · October 2011

I am so worried about doing this.

Two of my best friends growing up were heavily favored by their fathers. It was uncomfortable to be around.

gisa886 · October 2011

That is heartbreaking. I have 3 siblings and my dad favors my youngest sister, but my mom treats us all 100% equal. My husband's mom and dad favor his sister and it translates to them favoring her daughter over ours. I don't know if it is because his sister is the first born and her daughter is the first grandchild or what.

Unknown · October 2011

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sevans1975 · October 2011

That's really sad.

I know my DH feels that way. I think he has middle child syndrome in some respects.

krate24 · October 2011

I don't understand that either. My grandparents favored my uncle over my dad very noticeably. My brother and I are both much older than my cousin since my uncle had a child later in life. When my cousin was born my grandmother actually said to my mom, "Oh, I can finally be a grandma!" It's like, thanks a lot. I could never do that. It's so mean and hurtful.

caffinated_tulip · October 2011

They were just talking about this on NPR. It's one of the things I'm most worried about when I think about having multiple kids some day. I was an only child, so I have really no idea how parents treat all their kids equally.

Kristinmo · October 2011

That's sad. I don't have any friends who do this with their kids but my MIL does this with her grandkids. She will bring one a present but not the others. It's so weird.

ValentineBB · October 2011

My husband was favored over his sister. I know it's part of the reason our relationship is a bit strained. It's not my DH's fault for sure, but I can see how she resents him at times.

Edited for clarification: I meant our relationship with his sis is a bit strained.

Kristinmo · October 2011

caffinated_tulip:
They were just talking about this on NPR. It's one of the things I'm most worried about when I think about having multiple kids some day. I was an only child, so I have really no idea how parents treat all their kids equally.

My parents always did it to an extreme (treated us equally). To the point that if they spent $10 different on Christmas presents, my mom would have to "fix" it. I think it's because my grandparents favored her brother.

ASmallWonder · October 2011

Kristinmo:
caffinated_tulip:
They were just talking about this on NPR. It's one of the things I'm most worried about when I think about having multiple kids some day. I was an only child, so I have really no idea how parents treat all their kids equally.

My parents always did it to an extreme (treated us equally). To the point that if they spent $10 different on Christmas presents, my mom would have to "fix" it. I think it's because my grandparents favored her brother.

My mother was like this. She kept track of everything we ever got to make sure it was always fair. As if we had any idea how much things cost. And when we got older we actually took offense to it because she seemed to imply we'd be all pissy if one of us got an extra stinking shirt :-p

Excitedtostart · October 2011

My moms mother did this.

She didn't want my mother, and just told her so every day. They were all out at a restaurant once (a rarity), and friends of her parents stopped by the table to chat. At the end, they looked at my mom and asked who she was - they had no idea she even had a daughter.

More emotional abuse than favoritism, but my mom made a point to be ridiculously equal in affection, attention, etc. with my brother & I.

ludicrous · October 2011

My parents always favored my sister and it was really obvious. She could murder someone and I would be taking the fall for it.

goofyteacher · October 2011

My mother is like this. My brother has been the favorite for as long as I can remember. Although, my dad will joke with me that it's my fault because I've never cared for my mother (even as baby, I wouldn't let her cuddle with me, etc.)

It's kind of a running joke in our family how obvious her favoritism is.

Excitedtostart · October 2011

Scout2005:
That is heartbreaking. You're right, that is emotional abuse.

It's abhorrent. It really messed her up. When my dad asked for their permission to marry, she asked him why he wanted to marry her. Then at the wedding she told everyone that it was because she was KU. (My brother came right on time, 4 years later).

She died right around the time I was born, so I never got to drop kick her in the vagina.

magdalina.h · October 2011

I know someone who favors her two youngest children. It makes me sad so I usually spoil the oldest one.

I (morbidly) joke with MH that our kids won't ever have to figure out who the favorite child is. It's Aidan.

DrBeepersWife · October 2011

My MIL does this with her oldest daughter and youngest son. My poor DH always gets the shaft. It scares me to have more than 2 kids after seeing how she treats her 4 children. I pray to God I am never like her.

AliciaS1411 · October 2011

its the same thing that makes a parent only abuse on child. Its quite common for a large family, with three or four kids, for a parent to dislike one/abuse one and be great to the others. Its really sad

StatlerWaldorf · October 2011

My cousin completely favors her two youngest daughters. They have a different father than her oldest, so maybe that is it. Also the older daughter is a lot heavier than the two youngest that are really thin like my cousin. I really don't get it because the oldest is so sweet and smart and the younger two are pretty spoiled and bratty. It bothers me how involved she is with the two younger daughters' modeling and dancing, but couldn't care less about the older daughter's activities.

Kissimi21 · October 2011

My friend is the same. Her FB page is all about her daughter. There are tons of pics and updates about her daughter. You'd swear she only has one child. She has 3! If you don't know her and haven't been to her house, you wouldn't think she has 2 sons. When you talk to her it's all about her daughter and if you ask about the boys she just says, "They're fine," and turns the conversation back to her daughter.

ashley0616 · October 2011

DH's parents favored his brother greatly and obviously throughout their childhood. Its actually quite appalling the way they treated DH a lot of the time. You'd think his brother was born freaking shiiting gold or something. Once our first DD was born, his mom had a heart-to-heart with him and then me about how sorry she was for raising him the way she did and for how they treated him and his brother. I think she and FIL both try to "make it up" to him by treating our girls amazingly and equally, but there's been damage done that will affect him (and me and our relationship AND how he parents) for ever. It's enough to make me make an effort to treat my kids equally, no matter how much I may like one more than the other some days. Wink

greenclown · October 2011

magdalina.h:
I know someone who favors her two youngest children. It makes me sad so I usually spoil the oldest one.
I (morbidly) joke with MH that our kids won't ever have to figure out who the favorite child is. It's Aidan.

Thst made me lol because I do the same thing.

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