Dear DH....I do not like you at all right now! (Vent)

Re: Dear DH....I do not like you at all right now! (Vent)

• TKx2

  October 2011

  While I understand why you're frustrated and agree he needs to step it up and help you a lot more, refusing to talk to him about it and sleeping in the guest room are not going to help the situation. You need to sit down and discuss the situation like adults. You need to talk to him about how you're feeling and why. Ignoring him and the situation will only make it worse. GL!

  Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml

  Report0 Reply
• Loading the player...
• Sunshine+Luv

  October 2011

  Sorry that you two aren't getting along.

  How were things before the pregnancy? As in, how did you two communicate? Does he listen when you are upset?

  I hope things improve for you two, you sound really stressed out.

  

  Report0 Reply
• MotherMonster member

  October 2011

  He did listen, but now when I tell him anything he marks me off as just being hormonal. This is the 3 time we've had this issue since I became pregnant and I am fed up.

  Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml

  Report0 Reply
• gisa886 member

  October 2011

  TKx2:

  While I understand why you're frustrated and agree he needs to step it up and help you a lot more, refusing to talk to him about it and sleeping in the guest room are not going to help the situation. You need to sit down and discuss the situation like adults. You need to talk to him about how you're feeling and why. Ignoring him and the situation will only make it worse. GL!

  This. Schedule a time to sit down and have a conversation so you'll know when it is and you have the ability to go in to it calm, cool and collected. Write down what you want and need from him and say it in a non-accusing  manner. Just lay down the facts and start working from there. Also, I've heard a lot of women suggest a chore chart. You two have to start working as a team now or else it will get wrose when the baby is here.

  i wish i could be joking but my dad is the music teacher at a church so he owuld be mad. we had sex, all the time how bad i know but we dont want to wait and he said GREAT OH KAY! and I was really feeling the wets? down there- too embarsed to say- but he acted like man.

  Report0 Reply
• TKx2

  October 2011

  MotherMonster:

  He did listen, but now when I tell him anything he marks me off as just being hormonal. This is the 3 time we've had this issue since I became pregnant and I am fed up.

  Would he be willing to go to a counseling appointment with you?

  Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml

  Report0 Reply
• Jessicaah2008 member

  October 2011

  TKx2:

  While I understand why you're frustrated and agree he needs to step it up and help you a lot more, refusing to talk to him about it and sleeping in the guest room are not going to help the situation. You need to sit down and discuss the situation like adults. You need to talk to him about how you're feeling and why. Ignoring him and the situation will only make it worse. GL!

   

  This...Communication is key in marriage. If you want it to work, you have got to talk to him and lay it all out! Wish you the best of luck!
  

  Jess

  Report0 Reply
• TKx2

  October 2011

  MotherMonster:

  He did listen, but now when I tell him anything he marks me off as just being hormonal. This is the 3 time we've had this issue since I became pregnant and I am fed up.

  Would he be willing to go to a counseling appointment with you?

  Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml

  Report0 Reply
• MotherMonster member

  October 2011

  gisa886:

  TKx2:

  While I understand why you're frustrated and agree he needs to step it up and help you a lot more, refusing to talk to him about it and sleeping in the guest room are not going to help the situation. You need to sit down and discuss the situation like adults. You need to talk to him about how you're feeling and why. Ignoring him and the situation will only make it worse. GL!

  This. Schedule a time to sit down and have a conversation so you'll know when it is and you have the ability to go in to it calm, cool and collected. Write down what you want and need from him and say it in a non-accusing  manner. Just lay down the facts and start working from there. Also, I've heard a lot of women suggest a chore chart. You two have to start working as a team now or else it will get wrose when the baby is here.

  I can't calm myself down in anyway, which is why I need to see a counselor and I need medications. I saw the PA yesterday and I guess she didn't have time to talk to my OBGYN so I haven't gotten my medication yet. 

  So I stay away from him. 

  Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml

  Report0 Reply
• jkfranklin member

  October 2011

  gisa886:

  TKx2:

  While I understand why you're frustrated and agree he needs to step it up and help you a lot more, refusing to talk to him about it and sleeping in the guest room are not going to help the situation. You need to sit down and discuss the situation like adults. You need to talk to him about how you're feeling and why. Ignoring him and the situation will only make it worse. GL!

  This. Schedule a time to sit down and have a conversation so you'll know when it is and you have the ability to go in to it calm, cool and collected. Write down what you want and need from him and say it in a non-accusing  manner. Just lay down the facts and start working from there. Also, I've heard a lot of women suggest a chore chart. You two have to start working as a team now or else it will get wrose when the baby is here.

  I agree with this.  Men generally don't take hints.  You have to be very specific about what you want from them.  Like pp said, you also need to tell them in a non accusatory way otherwise they will likely shut down.

  Any chance your DH can come to some councelling sessions with you?
  

  Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml

  Report0 Reply
• MotherMonster member

  October 2011

  I don't know because it's hard for me to even be in the same room with him. I can't bring him into the picture until I get relief because I will just want to reach across to where he is and punch him in the face the whole time. It doesn't stop. I used to have a lot of anger issues (I used to rip the phone off the wall and throw it at my sister) when I was younger and all the things I have used to cope and redirect myself aren't working right now. 

  Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml

  Report0 Reply
• eav2c member

  October 2011

  I am very sorry your DH is being so stubborn right now. Fwiw, mine isn't being all too great, either. Yesterday, I was craving chips and said it a couple of times (not thinking, just saying "oh, I could so eat those right now...) and DH went off the deepend saying I was making him feel bad. Turned into a fight and then a "I'm not happy because I'm with you statement"... LOL. So I left for a bit.

  Maybe I'm wrong, but our DH's are probably under a great deal of stress themsleves. I'm in school too and my DH is the sole provider. We both graduated college together but I was unhappy with my degree and wanted to explore other avenues. DH obliged and has been supporting us solely for the last five months... I know he's told me before that he is stressed out and worried... He's not acting himself because he doesn't know everything is going to be ok (I'm positive it all will--but he takes the more "but what if it isnt ok?" approach)... Maybe your DH is feeling the same way and is scared thus for the lack of help and overall asshat mentality.
  

  Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml

  Report0 Reply
• lenfant1201 member

  October 2011

  I would definitely see a marriage counselor, in addition to some individual counseling sessions if you can swing it. I've struggled with anger issues too, and it took me years of therapy to overcome it. I still have to periodically go back when things get tough for me. There's no shame in that. But this isn't just a MotherMonster issue--it's a Mr. Monster issue too. That's where the couples counseling comes in. He needs to hear from a third party that his behavior isn't OK. If you can't afford (or he isn't open to) marriage counseling, would he talk to a priest/rabbi/pastor with you?
  

  

  Report0 Reply
• MotherMonster member

  October 2011

  eav2c:

  I am very sorry your DH is being so stubborn right now. Fwiw, mine isn't being all too great, either. Yesterday, I was craving chips and said it a couple of times (not thinking, just saying "oh, I could so eat those right now...) and DH went off the deepend saying I was making him feel bad. Turned into a fight and then a "I'm not happy because I'm with you statement"... LOL. So I left for a bit.

  Maybe I'm wrong, but our DH's are probably under a great deal of stress themsleves. I'm in school too and my DH is the sole provider. We both graduated college together but I was unhappy with my degree and wanted to explore other avenues. DH obliged and has been supporting us solely for the last five months... I know he's told me before that he is stressed out and worried... He's not acting himself because he doesn't know everything is going to be ok (I'm positive it all will--but he takes the more "but what if it isnt ok?" approach)... Maybe your DH is feeling the same way and is scared thus for the lack of help and overall asshat mentality.
  

  He might be feeling that way, but he doesn't express it in anyway shape or form. Bill wise we don't have any issues at the moment because he works full time and I work part-time. Together we bring in more than plenty to cover all costs and to put in savings and to spend on whatever. I seem to be the only one worried about the future because the economy can go either way and just because we have jobs now doesn't mean it's going to be this way in 6 months (maybe that's the Jew in me coming out..). He's in law enforcement and I work as a CNA.

  He's the one that wants to go waste $20,000 on a used vehicle we don't even need, but he's convinced we need it because he doesn't want to take care of the vehicle he has. (it's leaking oil so bad he has to put oil in it almost every day) 

  I'm a very "this is the way things are" person and DH knew that before we ever started even going on dates. All the women in my family are that way, especially my grandmother who raised me. 

  I'm just at my wits end with it all. 

  Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml

  Report0 Reply
• MotherMonster member

  October 2011

  lenfant1201:

  I would definitely see a marriage counselor, in addition to some individual counseling sessions if you can swing it. I've struggled with anger issues too, and it took me years of therapy to overcome it. I still have to periodically go back when things get tough for me. There's no shame in that. But this isn't just a MotherMonster issue--it's a Mr. Monster issue too. That's where the couples counseling comes in. He needs to hear from a third party that his behavior isn't OK. If you can't afford (or he isn't open to) marriage counseling, would he talk to a priest/rabbi/pastor with you?
  

  I will have to talk to the counselor when I see her about it all. We can totally swing it, not a problem there.

  I think he'd be willing to talk to someone because I'm a zero tolerance person...we didn't have these problems before pregnancy and I have no problem going to live with my mom if need be. I just don't want it to come to that but I have to get a good handle on my anxiety and anger first. 

  Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml

  Report0 Reply
• MotherMonster member

  October 2011

  Thank you everyone! It makes me feel better I'm not alone, even though I might be more extreme with my feelings and actions, but it make me feel better!

  Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml

  Report0 Reply