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March 2012 Moms
lulling
member
Annoying comments on family size? Anyone?
lulling
member
I was just wondering if anyone else has gotten annoying or rude comments on the size of the family they have/are going to have. A few people have asked me, "So how many more do you plan on having?" My response is, "None. We are only having one child."
At that point people have a.) laughed at me b.) said I was crazy and that only children are brats and grow up to be maladjusted adults (Thanks! I am one!) or c.) give me that snide little smile and say, "Oooooh, you have no idea what you are talking about. You will want more!"
Actually, we don't want more. We want one. Thank you. And I will not lower myself to justifying to them why or explain my life choices to them like I am defending a poor choice. I have just usually smiled and nodded.
Anyone else? Or have people been giving you rude comments because you want to have a large family? Does anyone have any nice comebacks?
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Re: Annoying comments on family size? Anyone?
I've actually gotten a lot of "Lets hope this baby is a boy so you don't have to keep having kids!" and it isn't even from my family! It's from random people I see at the grocery store and other places. The gender of my child isn't going to stop me from having more kids or cause me to keep going until I get a specific gender.
Of course I don't have good comebacks so I either smile and walk away or just say "It doesn't matter." I don't like putting up with people! I can only imagine it will get worse the bigger I get.
I find these types of comments really obnoxious. I've been subjected to quite a few:
Before we found out the sexes, nearly everyone and their brother thought it was necessary to inform me that if "we have one of each, we'll be done". Which is a, IMO rude to assume, and b, completely wrong.
Now that they know we're having boys, people ask if we're going to try again for a girl. We usually say something along the lines of "we'd like to" and then they say something stupid like.... well you'll probably have another boy. Or what would you do if you had another boy? Well it's a 50/50 chance, but if we had another boy I think we'd sell him on CL. I mean, come on.
And my favorite is when people ask us if we plan on having more/how large of a family we want, MH and I always say that we're talking about it (but I really would like 4 kids). They almost always reply with something like "oh boyyy, you have no idea what you're getting yourself into" or, "just wait until after the boys are born and I'm sure you'll change your mind". Gee thanks, I'm glad that you had such a great time as a parent.
Yes. For all the reasons you stated, lull. We are also having only one child and some people have thought that we are just so so so mean that we would deny our child a sibling. Or they say "oh you'll change your mind", which annoys me even more because um...no I won't.
I have three much younger half brothers, but technically I am an only child and I still managed to grow up to be a fully functioning adult. And obviously I didn't hate being an only child either or else I would probably want more than one kid.
Unfortunately I have no awesome comebacks for it beyond responding that I enjoyed being the only and it worked out fine for me.
I got more of the "It's time for another one!" when DS was like, 5 months old (just wait, it's coming for you too!). I think it is rude and thoughtless whenever anyone comments on your chosen family size. Apart from the lack of respect for your decisions on what is right for your family, no one has any idea what is going on in your reproductive life. When we finally did decide to go for #2, we had two miscarriages and people were still asking all the time "When are you going to have another?!" It was really annoying and upsetting. Sorry you're dealing with this.
And I know plenty of nice, normal, lovely only children, so stand your ground.
I mostly get something along these lines. Because we are having twins almost everyone has said, "oh I bet your hoping for a boy and a girl so you can be done." I'm just trying to enjoy this pregnancy and live in the moment for now. I don't know whether or not we'll choose to be done but it does irk me when people just assume. I've always wanted a big family and usually I get the side eye when I tell people that. I feel like its similiar to people feeling the need to tell you every horrible pregnancy sympton when your pregnant.
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Welcome Baby Grace to the world! (via emergency c-section @ 38w2d)
2/24/12 12:03pm 5lbs, 9oz Birth Story
Linky--> EP FB Group - March '12 FB Group <---Linky </b>
I am also in the "one and done" camp. No one has made any majorly inappropriate or snarky comments to me, but I have gotten the "no, you need to have at least 2" remarks--to which I just shrug and walk away.
In all honestly, people need to start minding their own business and let you live your life the way it works best for you. As annoying as these comments can be, I just try to ignore them and tell myself that they have no idea what my situation is and they need to get a hobby than worry about me and my choices--especially if my choices have no affect on them.
People keep asking me how many we plan on having. My response is, "I don't make plans". My SIL went to the psychic the other day and the lady told her we were going to have 2-3. So I said, "really? when you go to the psychic does she tell you anything about you? or just other people?" The same psychic told my other SIL that we were having a girl, two different sessions. I hope she is wrong just out of spite!!!
Ok, I feel a little bit better that I am not the only one that has gotten comments on, what I thought, was kind of personal information. And, as a previous poster mentioned, it IS usually people that I don't know very well. My friends know we are only having one. My family does not really ask. It is co-workers or strangers!
We were lucky enough to conceive easily but I did not even think about how comments like this would effect women that had a hard time conceiving or who had a miscarriage. I guess the little bump just invites strangers to give their opinions.
I cannot believe the nerve of some people! WTH!
Rude comments I've been given:
Aww, I'm sorry you're having another boy. Are you going to try again for a girl?
Wow, with two so close together you probably won't want any more!
Or, my fave- ::looks me up and down with DS on my hip:: You know what causes that, right?
I know. I think that one made me throw up a little.
I was just on vacation with my sister and her in-laws came for a few days. Her FIL is a very southern, very conservative, retired farmer living in the middle of nowhere. His parting words to me were "good luck with the baby, you know if you want more you better do it quick or it will come out retarded". EXACT words...
Right now our plans are to only have one. We can comfortably provide for one child now and unless something drastic changes, we will keep it to one. I don't want to be having more in my late 30's so timing will be our deciding factor.
We want 3-4. Well, I want 5 and DH wants 3 so we are going with 3-4 and then we'll see. I get told I'm crazy for wanting a "big" family. I don't consider that big. People just no longer have more than 2 maybe 3. I find having just 1 to be odd but would never dream of telling someone that. It is odd...for me. But for other people, that works for them. So it isn't a big deal.
Teacher at work has been on bed rest for a very long time. Asked at work if anyone knew if this would be her last due to the reason for the bed rest. And someone responded, "I should hope so. This is her 4th!"
Married: 1/2008 ~ DD#1: 3/2012
TTC #2: Started 4/2014 BFP 7/30/15 MC 8/3/15 BFP 9/4/2015 EDD 5/16/2016
the guy that was doing my mani and pedi told me that my kids were going to pay for my sins ans then stopped talking to me after we had a 20 minute non stop convo....needless to say he did not get a tip and i will never be going back there and ive told everyone i know to not go back!
PS - I was an only child as well. But I'm the opposite; both of my parents passed from cancer and I wish more than anything that I had a biological brother or sister. Which is why we are having two. BUT there is nothing wrong with only having one child. Nothing at all.
Welcome Baby Grace to the world! (via emergency c-section @ 38w2d)
2/24/12 12:03pm 5lbs, 9oz Birth Story
Linky--> EP FB Group - March '12 FB Group <---Linky </b>
omg omg.... this made me so mad.... I'm literally seeing red right now.
When my big boss found out I was pregnant, she said that I gave her hope because her future daughter-in-law is in her late 20s and STILL HASN'T HAD KIDS (can you believe it???). I am 31... she made me feel like an old maid or something.
When my mom and I went to test drive cribs she asked me if I was sure I wouldn't want a second. I told her I didn't even want this one.
(Sorry, Dewey. Obviously I love you now, but you were not part of my game plan, kiddo!)
BF's mom still asks BF when we're getting married. Ummm. We're not. Sorry lady.
I *really* love Pinterest!
I'm not surprised at comments like this either. I'm sure you all know what opinions are like and that everyone has one. I just wish people wouldn't choose to so openly share theirs and judge us pregnant people!
Yep, same here, 31. Apparently this is my one and only shot at a "normal" kid?! It was so beyond inappropriate I was literally speechless.
I haven't had any comments like that yet but I'm sure they're coming. I'm an only child, 32 yrs old and planning on having two kids if I'm lucky enough to conceive a second time.
I love growing up an only child. I had my parents full attention, was a little spoiled, had the opportunity to travel to a lot of interesting places and best reason ever, no fighting with siblings about who get's what in inheritance (kidding ;-) ). I wouldn't change it for the world.
The only reason my husband and I are planning on having more than one is because he's 1 of 5 and wanted to have five kids so 2 is a compromise.
If you get anymore comments, I would just tell them that you and your SO are going to decide what's right for your family and it's really none of their business.
I have had a slew of nasty comments...both regarding what size our family will be and how I'm nuts to have twins. (Yeah, because I *planned* that!)
We'll have three kids after this, and aren't sure we're done. We're the "wait and see" type of people. I've heard comments about "You're done, now, right?" and "Having more than two is irresponsible." Oooooooookay.
As far as the other nasty comments (like when they realize my LO will be 2 when the twins come), people keep saying "Better you than me!" or "You don't know what you're getting in for" or "What if they're girls?" (Our LO is a boy....I don't understand the last comment. Are girls supposed to be bad?!) I generally don't engage people in their nastiness, but this past weekend I snapped (as did DH):
Rude stranger: "Better you than me. Ugh, I wouldn't want to deal with that."
Me: "Yeah, you're right. Better me than you."
And also:
Rude friend: "What if they're girls?"
DH: "Well, you wipe front to back."
Seriously. People can be jerks.
HAHA what a good come back!!
We want 4-5 kids. When people ask how many kids and we respond they are like OH really? Yes, really! I don't understand why people really feel the need to comment on someone else's family size or desire. It's not like they have to take care of the kids.
We got a lot of "well, you'll have to try for a boy next time" after DD2 was born. We weren't "done" yet, so we would have had a third child regardless of the sex. Now that we are having boys (and twins on top of it) people - strangers included automatically assume we are done and try to compare us the Duggar family... Um, spontaneously having identical twins (which are a complete fluke anyways) does not mean that we are anywhere near the Duggars and their 19 children - even though I love that show). Honestly, we were done as soon as we saw we were having twins - again, regardless of gender.
If you guys know you're one and done - that's awesome and everyone should mind their own business. I know plenty of only children who do not fit the descriptive list you gave. Ugh. Maybe I'm just really hormonal today, but I really think that people need to just chill out sometimes...
No comebacks just yet, but wait til I get more uncomfortable and my b!tchiness really comes out
LMAO - this made me choke on my water!!! This totally made my day
I also don't understand the "what if they're girls" since you already have a little boy. We got this a lot before we found out and the answer was the same - I'm done. We always went back and forth between 3 or 4 and it looks like the Man Upstairs made the decision for us.
I get it ALL the time. "Oh you will change your mind" We want one, my husband is thrilled for this pregnancy but he even says one and done. Kids are expensive, and require a lot and I don't want to spread myself that thin. Also if you read studies only children are often better in school and have better relationships later in life, so the brat thing isn't true. yes you have to find other ways to teach sharing, with toys and also sharing you. But I find kids are more bratty to parent with many kids b/c parents don't have the time and energy to make them behave. Its about how you raise not how many you have. On top of that I can have 4 and have to work all the time to afford them therefore never see them or I can have one and have time, money and energy to be around them. Its a personal choice I am unsure why people always assume you will make the choice they did.
I usually say " Yes I might change my mind but right now this is what I want, and financially I would be an irresponsible parent to have several and my husband plans to get a vasectomy, so it would have to happen quick if a change were made.'