My feelings are totally hurt...am I wrong on this one?

princess101 · October 2011

A friend and I got together last night and hung out. She almost flaked out on me but then decided to come over at the last minute after all. She kind of flakes out a lot, sometimes because of her online school, sometimes because of family or whatever. I mentioned last night that I was glad she was able to come over and glad that she didn't flake on me. She asked what I meant and we are very honest with each other so I told her that I usually don't expect her to be able to hang out when I ask because she always has some reason she can't or backs out because something comes up. We had a discussion about it and I thought that was it.

Today she posted a nasty rant on facebook about how she's considered a flake if she doesn't do this or that and how her family and friends are always asking her to do so much and why can't they respect that her school comes first etc. Then she said she's about ready to wash her hands of everyone besides her husband and child.

I seriously cried. I had no clue that she had any issue with what I said yesterday and to find that on facebook really hurt. I texted her and told her it hurt my feelings and she basically said she feels pulled in so many directions and just wants her life back. I said I wouldn't bother her about hanging out anymore and left it at that. I feel like it's completely disrespectful to post on FB ranting about friends and family that you care about and even worse is the fact she couldn't talk to me in person. I really have no desire to keep this friendship going when it seems like such a burden to her.

Would you have been hurt? What would you say/do if anything? I'm not going to post anything on FB because that's not my style.

HappyAardvark · October 2011

What a passive-aggressive move on her part. Honestly, I'd let it be. Let her work through school, whatever other issues she is dealing with, and if you're still friends afterwards, great. If not, then don't beat yourself up because you at least tried to keep it real with her.

chasingChase09 · October 2011

I would be hurt that she put that on facebook and wasn't just honest to my face.

I think she was probably feeling hurt that you felt like she was flaking out on you, and when you brought it up she should have just said something then. It would have probably been a much better place to vent about it, and you most likely could have made her feel better about being pulled in all directions. I think a lot of people feel like that most of the time. (especially with school, friends, family, etc in her life.) She was also probably offended that you considered her flakey for choosing school over being with a friend.

But yes, the facebook rant would hurt my feelings too.

kaydee_2008 · October 2011

My feelings would be hurt as well. I'd just leave things be for now and let her make the next move.

Mrsbuttercup0806 · October 2011

Yup, I would totally be upset as well, how passive-aggressive can you get!?!

goofyteacher · October 2011

Um, she's having a pity party. Let her have it by herself. I'm sorry that she posted something like that, my feelings would have been hurt too.

zeesbride · October 2011

Yeah that would hurt my feelings for sure. she is being passive aggressive and rude. Let her go, it sounds like that is what she wants anyway.

SiDiosQuiere · October 2011

I'm sorry your friend hurt you and ranted on fb rather than telling you. It is disrespectful and I hate when people use fb like that.

I would definitely been hurt if I had been in your situation. As of now, I'd let it go for awhile. If she's saying she's pulled in so many directions, then give her some space. In a few weeks/months, maybe just text her and ask how's she's doing and if she'd want to hang out. If she doesn't respond or flakes again, I'd probably let the friendship go.

kelle017 · October 2011

SiDiosQuiere:

I'm sorry your friend hurt you and ranted on fb rather than telling you. It is disrespectful and I hate when people use fb like that.

I would definitely been hurt if I had been in your situation. As of now, I'd let it go for awhile. If she's saying she's pulled in so many directions, then give her some space. In a few weeks/months, maybe just text her and ask how's she's doing and if she'd want to hang out. If she doesn't respond or flakes again, I'd probably let the friendship go.

I had a few friends who flaked on me all.the.time. I was sick of always making the phone calls, contact etc...so I stopped and I guess we are no longer friends. It happens but it does suck.

ludicrous · October 2011

DC2London:
It sounds like this is something she has been hearing a lot and your comment was the final straw, so to speak. It sounds like you were completely justified in what you said, which is probably why she reacted that way. Based on what you've said, I'm thinking she is struggling with trying to balance everything and she is probably getting some flack from her SO or family, too. You have every right to be hurt and angry, but I might suggest that you try not to take it too personally (I know that's easier said than done).

My thoughts exactly but I wouldn't have said it that well.

Birdies08 · October 2011

Coming from a person who can be a very flakey friend, that was a *** move on her part.

I've had good friends, for lack of a better phrase, "call me out" on being flakey in the past. I use it as an excuse to explain why I sometimes make commitments I can't keep. I reassure them that it is on me, and not a reflection on how I feel about them as a friend. I apologize and try to find a way to avoid hurting their feelings in the future (like, say maybe instead of saying yes and then canceling, being open to last minute get togethers instead of making plans I'm not sure I can keep, etc). I would never *** about them on FB later. That is just rude.

It sounds like your friend is going through a hard time. I agree with PPs- give her some time and space, and maybe she'll reach back out to you. If she doesn't, you can evaluate how much you miss her being a part of your life.

AliciaS1411 · October 2011

kaydee_2008:
My feelings would be hurt as well. I'd just leave things be for now and let her make the next move.

this

curlylocks3 · October 2011

Personally, I probably would have left it at "I'm really glad we got to get together" and not gone into being glad she didn't flake. I'm non-confrontational like that and that was my approach in dealing with my own flakey friend. I get that you are pretty honest with each other, so if thats your normal dynamic it makes sense that you said more.
Overall though I don't have a lot of patience for FB passive-aggressiveness and off the top of my head I can't think of a time that its called for so I would definitely say she's in the wrong here and don't blame you for being hurt. If she really did have a change of heart after your discussion then she should have talked to you privately about it. I would probably just scale back on making any plans with her and leave it to her.

dragontears507 · October 2011

It's so juvenile to post it on facebook. What is she, in high school? I think you have every right to be upset with her for not being up front with you during your conversation.

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