Do you think people know when it's "their time"?

TheOriginalSP · October 2011

I'm sure it's nothing but lately my grandma has been really off. Not feeling like herself, not acting like herself and generally just going downhill. I keep asking her if I can take her into the doctor but she insists that she's fine. She doesn't look or act fine and everyone can tell she's not good.

The other day I asked if she could tell me what is wrong with her. She said, "maybe I'm just getting old and it's getting close to my time to go." She has never said anything like this before and while I'm pretty sure she's just talking crazy talk, do you think people really know when it's their time to go?

I mean for her, it's like she's totally given up on doing everything. If it weren't for me making her, she wouldn't eat or take her pills or pretty much do anything. So part of me is thinking maybe she does know. But that scares the piss out of me because I don't want to walk upstairs to find that she has passed!

Le Olive · October 2011

It could also be that your grandma's making peace with it, or preparing for it, whether it's soon or years from now.

This is my grandma after my grandpa died 6 years ago. She just gave up on life. She hasn't said, "It's my time to go," and I really don't think it is, either. She just doesn't want to do anything for herself anymore.

BostonGayGal · October 2011

That must be so hard. I would be stressed every time too.

More than just knowing, I think people have a hand in choosing their time to pass. I think there are powerful connections between the mind and body and they don't run independently.

TheOriginalSP · October 2011

BostonGayGal:

That must be so hard. I would be stressed every time too.

More than just knowing, I think people have a hand in choosing their time to pass. I think there are powerful connections between the mind and body and they don't run independently.

She can't live independently anymore and while DH and I live here it's fine, but we are activly working on getting her into an assisted living home. She's told me time and time again that she doesn't want us to send her to a nursing home, but there isn't any other option. Maybe she's giving up because she knows her options are live in an assisted living home or die at home in her favorite chair. OMG I so hope she's just talking crazy talk.

leslie13510 · October 2011

BostonGayGal:

More than just knowing, I think people have a hand in choosing their time to pass. I think there are powerful connections between the mind and body and they don't run independently.

This is what I think. I'm pretty sure there are several studies that allude to this as well. Things like elderly people dying within months of their spouse, even though they had been perfectly healthy up until that point, or cancer patients generally doing better when they have the will to fight and survive, but having a much worse prognosis when they've "given up" so to speak.

HappyAardvark · October 2011

I'm really sorry

my friend is a hospital nurse and has seen more than her fair share of death. She absolutely believes that people know when it's their time - a definite change comes over them.

ValentineBB · October 2011

My grandpa seemed to know also. He'd been ailling for a while and I came home from college for the weekend because my dad knew the time was probably coming soon. He'd been in a terrible way (Alzheimers) for years, he could barely remember our names. As soon as he saw me he hugged me and said my name and had one of the best days he'd had in months, remembered things, was pretty coherent, etc. I left on that Sunday and he died Monday in his sleep.

It actually gave us a lot of comfort, knowing that he seemed to be at peace at his passing.

TheOriginalSP · October 2011

My grandma has a host of medical problems (she's taking about 10 pills a day for these medical problems) and on top of that she has dementia that seems to be getting worse by the day. I really hope that if she's ready, then she knows, but I'm just not ready for her to be ready yet. Yes its emotionally draining taking care of her, but when it all comes down to it, she's the only grandma that I've ever known and it's worth it in the end.

cookie_queen · October 2011

BostonGayGal:
That must be so hard. I would be stressed every time too.
More than just knowing, I think people have a hand in choosing their time to pass. I think there are powerful connections between the mind and body and they don't run independently.

This.

I'm sorry SP.

Unknown · October 2011

This content has been removed.

TheOriginalSP · October 2011

wilburbud:
I absolutely beleive some people know when it is their time. I also know that sometimes, people have an underlying medical condition occuring that causes their interest and such to dwindle. However you need to do it, you need to convince her to seek medical attention. she may be developing dementia or another mental disorder; or perhaps shes just tired and ready to go. Either way, she should see her primary care doc.

She has dementia. And while I have convinced her in the past to go to the doctor, this time she will not admit that anything is wrong. I can not take her in against her will. Last time I took her to the hospital becuase she was having issues breathing, they actually asked her if she was brought in against her will. I'm doing what I can for her, I wish she would let me do more, but she won't.

goofyteacher · October 2011

TheOriginalSP:
My grandma has a host of medical problems (she's taking about 10 pills a day for these medical problems) and on top of that she has dementia that seems to be getting worse by the day. I really hope that if she's ready, then she knows, but I'm just not ready for her to be ready yet. Yes its emotionally draining taking care of her, but when it all comes down to it, she's the only grandma that I've ever known and it's worth it in the end.

My grandmother has alzheimer's and for a while grew increasingly frustrated with the fact that she wasn't remembering things or could not longer multi-task. She has now moved past that to the point of being very child like in her behavior. Everything makes her very excited and she is just in general care-free because she doesn't know any different. It's possible your grandmother is progressing through a stage of dementia.

I also think people have the ability to know, but it sounds more like your grandma be frustrated with the idea of going to an assisted living home and giving up more than anything. I agree with BGG that I think the mind is a powerful thing. So sorry you are having to deal with this.

roshybride · October 2011

She could also be depressed. The idea of moving might be hard for her.

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