We'll call you when it's born...

cara117 · October 2011

So DH and I decided that in the delivery room will just be the two of us plus doctor/nurses. At our hospital, they will then eventually move us into a different room to rest and nurse and whatever else goes along after having a baby... it's not until this room that we want anyone to visit. I just hate the idea of a whole bunch of family waiting in the waiting room and rushing in the split second after the baby is born. Maybe it is selfish but I want to have some time with just the 3 of us. I have talked to MY parents about this, and they live 2 hours away, and agreed that we will call when we are headed to the hospital, and then again when the baby is actually born, and then they'll come over either right away or if it's the middle of the night, probably in the morning.

My in-laws on the other hand have made comments like "I hope your labor is long (which is annoying in itself...) so we have time to drive up there!" We live about 3.5 hours away from them. I just know that whatever time it is, as soon as we call that we are going to the hospital, I know they'll be in their car and on their way. I know they are excited for us and this is their first grandchild, but they are just kind of overbearing when it comes to this stuff. Is it selfish to ask the same of them? That we'll call when we are headed to the hospital, and then we will call when the baby is born, and then they can come. I don't even like the idea of them sitting at our house waiting. Does anyone else feel this way or do I just need to suck it up and have them wait at our house?

kcvasquez · October 2011

Aren't in-laws just lovely sometimes

I wish mine lived as far away as yours! I'd probably call them at 10 cm and tell them you're in labor and they can make the drive when they want! I don't get that chance sadly, we live in the same town as the in-laws and MIL will more than likely be the one watching DS when I'm in labor, so she'll obviously know right away. And SIL makes comments all the time about how she better not be working or out of town so she can be up there with me...ummmm what? I still haven't told her it will be only DH and I in the room, the entire time. Last time I had way to many people in there when I was trying to labor and it was so annoying, I've learned my lesson! Good luck, and I know how you feel!

MrsLeanna · October 2011

Just because people come and wait in the waiting room does not mean they need to rush in. I love the pictures I have of family sitting in the waiting room awaiting the arrival of DD. They can wait until you're ready for them to come in and see you. I think it's an exciting time for everyone, I know my mom was beside herself with excitement at meeting her first grandchild and I was super excited to see her meeting my daughter. For me, I let family come in as soon as the baby was cleaned up. I wanted to share the joy with everyone and I couldn't wait for them to meet the newest member of the family! My hospital only allowed 2 people in the room at once so it wan't like I had tons of people there at once.

ambellina2113 · October 2011

I don't think you're selfish at all--it's YOUR baby. We are doing pretty much the same thing--though immediate family can visit a couple hours after I have the baby.To me, if you weren't there for the conception, you don't need to be there for delivery. Endofstory. And I don't want to be inundated with people right after labor.

My mother has been a pain about it, but she'll get over it. And I'm sure MIL won't be too happy, but again, she'll get over it. Your baby, your body, your time. You deserve a chance to have your little family together before the rest of the world comes rushing in.

angels among us · October 2011

We actually are in the opposite situation. Both parents live about an hour away. My in laws are awesome. They usually will wait and come up till the next day to get the other kids. However if I knew it wouldn't kill my own mother I would have asked my mil to be there when it happens. My mom was there for my first and it was awful. She wasn't even in the room and was frantic the whole time. It was so stressful. So know I wait to tell her till it's about time to push then she won't make it in time. lol I know it's mean it just stressed me out to much.

elandric · October 2011

I wouldn't feel bad asking the same of your IL's that you are asking of your parents. If you think that they wont be able to just stay at your house and will rush over earlier, then just wait to call. If you think they will be able to wait it out at your house, I see no harm in letting them.

gmedlock · October 2011

My first thought..... You're so LUCKY that your IL's live so far away!!! Wink

michnthecity · October 2011

I love the idea of not calling them at all until the baby is born. I never thought about that! I don't want anyone "down there" except for the doc and nurses. I really don't want my husband to see there either. Just my personal preference. I know my mom really wants to hold a leg, but it's not about her. She can wait. I want the moment and moments after to just be between my husband and me.

luckylindy · October 2011

It's your delivery and your baby and you should decide who you want in the room. I would talk to them and let them know you've requested your parents wait until after the baby is born to make the drive. Let it be known if they decide to come up early, then they will sit and wait in the waiting room. You will not rush time with your baby because they are there.

haswelljme · October 2011

My mom and brother live about an hour and a half away, and my sister almost 4 hours. So we are going to just give them a call when we head to the hospital. All the other relatives live our of state, so they'll just be getting a call once baby is born.

While I'm in labor, it will just be me and DH, and that's it. My mom has made a few too many "helpful" suggestions on how my labor should go and what is "best" for my baby for me to want her near me while I'm try to give birth. DH has already been informed that it will be only the two of us in the room, and he gets the job to enforce that if it becomes necessary.

cschissell · October 2011

My mom wants to be in the delivery room, but I already told her I don't want her in there. She then said she would be immediately outside the door to my room then. Uhhhh...That won't work for me either. They only live about an hour away so I am sure they will get to the hospital in plenty of time. I also want to have some time Just me, DH and LO. I am honestly considering having them go to our house and stay with our dog since it is only 5 minutes away from the hospital and then when we are ready we will call them and have them come over.

MrsKujawski · October 2011

DH and I told both side of the family that we want NO visitors at all at the hospital. They can all wait until we're home and comfortable. This is a special experience for us... they got to go through it already so they can wait.

DH's parents live in OK and mine live in FL so we told them to come up after DH's paternity leave ends... my parents will come up for a week, then his parents... kind of to help me transition into being home alone with baby and whatnot.

We're also prob. gonna put something on facebook on our way to the hospital that we will post pics when baby's here but no visitors pls.

Its time for you and you're hubby and your new little family... so it's your call.

lucky81089 · October 2011

It's whatever works best for you and if someone else doesn't like it - oh well. I know how stressed I was the whole time I was in the hospital after I had DD and between people coming to see the baby (and not even acting like they care about how I'm doing) and the nurses waking us up for all kinds of things they have to do, I was having constant break downs the entire time. I don't want the stress and I refuse to let it happen this time. If I'm a b*tch for it, then so be it, but only our parents will be coming to the hospital to meet LO and that's after I'm done giving birth and we're settled in. As PPs have said - your baby, your way.

neener3 · October 2011

I completely agree with you. I despise the thought of "rushing" through bonding time with the three of us so that the rest of the family can meet the baby.

Sorry. We're new at this, we need our time. And mine and DH's aunts and uncles are not welcome at the hospital at all - thankfully he's on board with this, although we haven't told them that yet. Too many people. Everyone lives close to us though, so we're either going to have to be very sneaky or borderline rude about it.

We'll make calls once he's here, there's no need for everyone to know we're on the way to the hospital.

ronnie day · October 2011

We asked the 'rents to wait until we called to tell them that she was born...When we called to let them know labor wasn't going so well, they all showed up at the hospital. I swear the second my DH hung up the phone, my entire family was at the hospital 5 minutes later and the hospital was 45 minutes away from everyone.

I had to meet my baby for the first time on someone else's camera because it was an emerg. c/s and I didn't get her for 2 hours after delivery. But everyone else got to see her before me.

I told everyone this time that they can come to the hospital when we call them and tell them there is a baby in my arms.

rockmommy12 · October 2011

For my son's birth, we lived 15 hours from most of my family, and 4 hours from the rest, so we knew they weren't coming anytime soon. I told my husband to tell his parents we would call when we were ready. They came that afternoon, but by evening his aunt was coming, and uncle wanted to come with their two kids. I had explicitly stated that I wanted no visitors aside from grandparents so that was really irritating (and I made him tell them they couldn't come). This is a day for you, husband, and baby, don't let anyone else make it about them or what they want. I am already stressing about what I will do this time around, since now I live near my family and far from his.

sd2phx · October 2011

We didn't call anyone until after she was here and I was all sown up and moved to the post-partum room. I didn't really care if people were ok with that or not.

PinkaDoodle · October 2011

niccimax:

Your baby - your birth - your way.

I say you call the families after the kid is born, just say you went from zero to sixty really fast and couldn't get to a phone.

This is one time in your life where you should be selfish!

Love.

I feel the exact same way. I have "joked" to everyone that I hope there is a blizzard so no one can come to the hospital. I have made it kown I do not want a ton of people there. I think it varies by person. All I want in the delivery room and at the hospital is me, DH and my bff. And once in the recovery area there are nurses in and out and I will be trying to master breastfeeding so I do not want people in my room for all of that. I say people can come visit at home when I am good and ready.

JerryLaines · October 2011

I am doing the exact same thing. I want that little bit of alone time with just LO, DH, and I. It'll be the calm before the storm haha. Besides, a majority of both of our families live within an hour drive to the hospital so it won't be like they are missing anything if they don't get there right away.

rachoochoo2 · October 2011

This is my second child and let me tell you, I wish I had figured all this out the first time around like you have. I was induced and my family and DH's parents were there all day long from when I first went in till a couple hours after I gave birth. Having so many people in and out and knowing that our dad's were sitting out in the waiting room put a lot of added pressure on me. This time around we have asked everyone to hold off until we get into the recovery room. Those first few hours of connecting with the baby and trying to get that breast feeding bond (if you are BF) are very important so I would not feel bad about it at all.

kcvasquez · October 2011

ronnie day:
We asked the 'rents to wait until we called to tell them that she was born...When we called to let them know labor wasn't going so well, they all showed up at the hospital. I swear the second my DH hung up the phone, my entire family was at the hospital 5 minutes later and the hospital was 45 minutes away from everyone.
I had to meet my baby for the first time on someone else's camera because it was an emerg. c/s and I didn't get her for 2 hours after delivery. But everyone else got to see her before me.
I told everyone this time that they can come to the hospital when we call them and tell them there is a baby in my arms.

Our experience sounds almost exactly the same. Mine wasn't emergency however everyone had already seen and some had held DS before I was even given the chance to kiss him. If we do a c-section this time around I have a no visitors reason just because of what happened. I just don't trust that the same thing won't happen again, or worse yet have it turn into an emergency like yours and have to wait for hours. I will be in the room holding the baby when people get to come in and meet him.

Thinkerbelle80 · October 2011

HOnestly, I would only call them once the baby is born. I know it sounds awful but you need to protect your need for bonding time with your daughter. They can wait. I would just tell them you'd prefer to breastfeed first and you'll call them once your baby is born. I am the exact same way. We're going to call his family once the baby's born. I don't want them to leave their house till I have had the baby, transferred rooms and bonded with the baby. THen they can come.

trackchik6 · October 2011

YOU ARE THE ONE GIVING BIRTH. DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. I learned that the hard way being too lenient with letting DH's family doing whatever they wanted and it will not be like that with #2!!!

Annya26 · October 2011

kcvasquez:
ronnie day:
We asked the 'rents to wait until we called to tell them that she was born...When we called to let them know labor wasn't going so well, they all showed up at the hospital. I swear the second my DH hung up the phone, my entire family was at the hospital 5 minutes later and the hospital was 45 minutes away from everyone.
I had to meet my baby for the first time on someone else's camera because it was an emerg. c/s and I didn't get her for 2 hours after delivery. But everyone else got to see her before me.
I told everyone this time that they can come to the hospital when we call them and tell them there is a baby in my arms.
Our experience sounds almost exactly the same. Mine wasn't emergency however everyone had already seen and some had held DS before I was even given the chance to kiss him. If we do a c-section this time around I have a no visitors reason just because of what happened. I just don't trust that the same thing won't happen again, or worse yet have it turn into an emergency like yours and have to wait for hours. I will be in the room holding the baby when people get to come in and meet him.

Oh I would be soooo upset if this happened! I will be the first person in my family to meet my baby. Period. Should it be an emergency then I will be giving specific instructions to either my Mother or the baby's Father that they are to stay with the baby until he is brought back to me, and I am to have some time to bond with him before anyone else meets me.

Other than that I'm hoping that everyone will come and see at the hospital as soon as I am all cleaned up and have had a chance to nurse him. Before that I expect them to either go grab a bite to eat, hang out and amuse themselves in the waiting room, or whatever else they want to do, and will make sure that the nurses and everyone else knows that I will send for them as soon as I am ready. My family is incredibly understanding though so I don't anticipate it being an issue.

Cristal604 · October 2011

This is my first baby. MH is from a large, loud family (he is the oldest of 5). I am from a smaller, quieter, but no-less-fun family (I have one brother). I am used to (for the most part) having my space and my boundaries respected. The IL's don't all operate that way.

My plan (have yet to discuss w/ MH but I know he will be on board) is that no one come anywhere near the hospital until we call them specifically to let them know they may do so. I don't know how birth will go - will I have a long, difficult labor? will I end up with a c-section? will I have one of those too-good-to-be-true quick and easy labors? Who knows? My two main issues are that I don't know how I am going to feel afterwards (aside from obviously sore and exhausted), and no matter how I feel, I want a good decent chunk of time with my husband to rest and get acquainted with our new baby before introducing him or her to everyone else. I want time to just be and absorb everything that just happened. I want to get used to breastfeeding without MH's grandma standing over me telling me how well/ not well it's going (she will. believe me.)

Notice how I keep saying "I want"? That's me being selfish because we have every right to be selfish when we have just spent hours upon hours in pain, having multiple hospital personnel up in our business just to get this wee little babe out into the world.

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