Single Mommy of 17 month old, just found out pregnant with 2nd.

Re: Single Mommy of 17 month old, just found out pregnant with 2nd.

• blush64 member

  October 2011

  EDIT I am in Canada but I think this would be the same most places.

  He doesn't have the option to waive the right to pay support.

  He doesn't have to visit the baby but he is legally required to pay for him or her.

  I am sorry he reacted that way.

  EDIT It's a tough place to be in and I hope you find support here.

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• cuppaco member

  October 2011

  *This isn't my usual board but I was lurking*

  1) Ditto what the PP said.  The bio dad can't waive his rights to avoid child support - in most states, they won't terminate one parents' rights (while maintaining the child with the other bio parent) unless their is egregious abuse.

  HOWEVER
  

  2) Because the child was conceived during your marriage (you're not divorced yet) - your soon-to-be-ex husband may be the legal father of the child under state law - UNLESS your final decree in your divorce specifically addresses this issue.  You and your husband will have to agree to disclaim the child in the decree (usually it says something child was conceived during the marriage, but both parties agree that the child isn't "of the marriage").  This is the law in many states.

  If you have a divorce attorney - you need to address the pregnancy with them ASAP.  Sorry you are going through this.
  

  

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• JewlzK

  October 2011

  I am a single mom of two with two different fathers.  However mine are about 8 years apart so that is a lot of help.  Been doing it for about 5 1/2 months now.  I am a lot more tired this time around having two to care for, but somehow you just do it.  I have leaned on my family a lot this time just because you only have two hands.  Don't be afraid to ask for help.  You find the strength somewhere, I don't know where.  You can do it   Take Care.
  

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• Purrrfect433

  October 2011

  You poor thing:( I'm not in the same situation, but I can empathize with your fear and uncertainty. Good luck:(

  Evelyn-Mommy to Ben 9.20.05 and Emily 5.14.07 and Callie 7.10.09!

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• PrincessFiona9 member

  October 2011

  Since your divorce will be final in 2 weeks, I would recommend not announcing your pregnancy until after then. That way your divorce doesn't get all mucked up due to this. Then, just file for child support once LO is born. This new guy does not get to run out on his responsibilities.

  

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• cuppaco member

  October 2011

  AshleyMichelle06:

  Since your divorce will be final in 2 weeks, I would recommend not announcing your pregnancy until after then. That way your divorce doesn't get all mucked up due to this. Then, just file for child support once LO is born. This new guy does not get to run out on his responsibilities.

  Because the child was conceived in the marriage (before the divorce is final), in most states, her current husband will be determined to be child's legal father.  The legal father is the one on the hook for the child support.  That means that her current husband will have to pay support for two children, and the new baby's bio dad will be off the hook in regards to his responsibilities.  The plain truth is that in most states: Women cannot get child support from a man other than their (ex)husband for children born OR conceived during a marriage.
  

  Handling this now (in the current divorce), albeit difficult emotionally, is MUCH easier (and cheaper) than trying to disestablish a legal father to seek child support from the biological father later. 

   The OP needs to speak with her divorce attorney immediately regarding her pregnancy and how it needs to be addressed in the divorce.
  

  

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• PrincessFiona9 member

  October 2011

  cuppaco:

  AshleyMichelle06:

  Since your divorce will be final in 2 weeks, I would recommend not announcing your pregnancy until after then. That way your divorce doesn't get all mucked up due to this. Then, just file for child support once LO is born. This new guy does not get to run out on his responsibilities.

  Because the child was conceived in the marriage (before the divorce is final), in most states, her current husband will be determined to be child's legal father.  The legal father is the one on the hook for the child support.  That means that her current husband will have to pay support for two children, and the new baby's bio dad will be off the hook in regards to his responsibilities.  The plain truth is that in most states: Women cannot get child support from a man other than their (ex)husband for children born OR conceived during a marriage.
  

  Handling this now (in the current divorce), albeit difficult emotionally, is MUCH easier (and cheaper) than trying to disestablish a legal father to seek child support from the biological father later. 

   The OP needs to speak with her divorce attorney immediately regarding her pregnancy and how it needs to be addressed in the divorce.
  

  That isn't the case in every state, but yes it is a good idea to ask her lawyer to find out. If I remember correctly from her ticker, she's only 5 weeks pregnant, and the divorce will be final by the time she's 7 weeks, so it's possible that she could claim the child was conceived after the divorce. Not that I'm a huge advocate of lying, but there's another bumpie who did a similar thing while in the process of her divorce.

  I might even mention the dreaded smushsmortion word....if her lawyer says that the law will require her ex to "be" the father, for lack of better words. I'm sure that XH would be furious if he had to pay CS for a kid that wasn't his, and could make life very difficult for OP. Then with DB not wanting to be a part of the life of the child anyway.....it might be for the best.

  

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• whitshae12

  October 2011

   Thanks you guys for the information. However, I am not going to address this situation because yes, it will make things hard on me and the drama between XH and I will arise and I couldn't handle that pressure. It shouldn't be allowed that way, for XH pay child support for a baby that isn't even his. But that is my opinion. I talked to the DB's dad yesterday, and he has decided to help me take care of DB BUT however, he doesn't want to pay me child support. Right now, I am just going to wait it out and take care of myself and my DS until this time comes around. I don't need the extra stress. I appreciate all the support that you guys have given me.

  

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• BostonGayGal member

  October 2011

  Unfortunately if the baby's father already is trying to say that he doesn't want to pay child support it is a sign that you will absolutely have to seek it since he doesn't seem to get that it is his responsibility, not his choice.

  Divorce. Take care of yourself. When the child is born, you may or may not be allowed to list the bio-father as the father on the birth certificate (varies under state law). Seek child support once the baby arrives. If he contests paternity, he can take the DNA test, and in many states he will then have to pay for the test if he is in fact the father. Get the child support that he owes the baby. 

  
  
  http://oi62.tinypic.com/2w73hq9.jpg

  
  
  
  

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• whitshae12

  October 2011

  I've been talking to my family about my divorce and I'm really just frustrated about all this. My mother and I were in a terrible car accident Monday afternoon and we had to go to the ER, well they confirmed my pregnancy since I've only taken a home pregnancy test and was requested to see an OB next week because of the wreck. My grandmother  told me that it's best if I don't see anyone until after I get divorced because IT DOES state that, A woman cannot be pregnant and if she is, she has to wait until after baby is born. What is your opinion??  I'm starting to have some painful cramps but if it's my uterus stretching, would it still be painful if this was my 2nd pregnancy??

  

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