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Upstate NY Babies
Smile58
member
Vent: Feeding DS and Mom/MIL
Smile58
member
I want to cry. Some background first. My little guy was 6 lb, 5 ounces and 21.5 inches at birth. By both of our families standards, very small (although I was 5.7 at birth, but I was sick). My sister had two 9 pound, almost 10 pound babies who were both about 22 pounds at 5 MONTHS OLD. DH's brother has two kids and both have always been over the 98th percentile in height and weight (which they love to mention when we talk about DS Nice. Thanks.)
So...DS is about 16 pounds at 5 months. I think he is fine. Unless he has a cold he is eating well, super active etc. He is rolling and thisclose to getting up on all fours and rocking back and forth.
But when we visit either of our families I get some serious side eye because my mom and mil think I am starving my son. It hurts my heart.
Per our pedi we did start cereals and solids and so far he has tried rice (like), oatmeal (got a rash), sweet potatoes (meh) and and pears (love). But, he prefers his bottle and I don't push the issue really.
But, I don't really have a set schedule where he gets them everyday, same time kwim? Before he got his last cold he would have some cereal after his late morning bottle and some veggie at night but I'm not religious with it if he seems not to be hungry after his bottles.
Apparently because I'm not feeding him daily his cereal and veggies, and because he is not a "big baby" I am starving him, he needs more solid food and I am a bad mother.
I must have some serious pms because this crap normally would not get to me. And DS has a nasty cold so maybe I am extra sensitive.
But where the heck is it written that unless a baby is over the 98th percentile in height and weight that he/she is not healthy and undernourished? And who the fluck compares babies anyways as long as they are healthy?
Vent.Over.
UGH.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Vent: Feeding DS and Mom/MIL
please please please don't let anyone make you feel bad or like you are starving your baby.
I've been there. Eve was about the same size as your DS at birth, and at 5 months she was only about 12lbs. She was soooooo small. I worried about it, pretty much every minute of everyday. My mom and MIL know better than to make comments like that.. but my grandmother (evil) was still alive at that time and of course had something to say everytime we saw her. And I think my dad made a few comments too that she was starving since she was still EBFed til 6 months, that I was starving her. We didn't start solids with Eve til 6 months. It was really hard.. but once she was on formula she started growing (I had supply issues, I am NOT saying that BFed babies don't grow!).. and by 1 year she hit 20lbs. Now she is just about perfectly the 50th percentile for height and weight. (despite the fact that she doesn't eat)
And, as I'm sure you already know, early solids are really more about learning to eat.. breastmilk/formula has way more calories than pureed solids.
Your baby is happy, healthy and growing! That is all there is to it!
m/c 1/2/08 and 3/12/08
Eve Amelia- Born 2/24/09. 6lb 9.9oz
Natalie Ruth - Born 6/13/11 7lb 6.6oz
Awww he looks perfect in your siggy!
DD is lower on the weight % charts (and high on the height, so that makes her look even skinnier!). Not every baby can be 98%....for every baby that is 98% there has to be a 2% on there too to even it out - and both of them can be perfectly healthy. But even as I say that, I know it is hard to deal with. I hope all the time that this baby comes out all full of rolls and chubby cheeked. You know you are doing a great job, but loved ones second guessing you is hard.
As far as the food - they don't get real nutrition at this age from solids anyway. BM and formula are what they are getting their calories and fat content from. Solids are just to get them used to eating and all that, nbd!
Thank you so much. From the bottom of my heart. This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with because I am torn between loving and respecting these women and their advice, and wanting to grab my DS from their arms, run out of their houses and tell them to go screw (because their worry is seeping into my brain and I know DS is just fine!)
You both have beautiful children! I appreciate the advice, so much.
And MelissaSue I am so sorry your gma was such a grouch. Ugh.
It's total B.S. don't let them make you feel bad! Some babies are just smaller than others.
Here's a concrete example. My twins are both perfectly healthy. Both drink 6 or 7 oz of the same formula every 3 hrs, eat very small portions of the same solids... DD is 99th percentile, DS is 17th percentile... how does that make sense? haha.
As long as he's healthy, it shouldn't be an issue for them ::hugs::
You are doing fine momma and so is LO. 16# is almost exactly where C was at 5 months, we didn't start solids until almost 6 months, we did not do cereal at all, just straight into veggies then fruit, and that was ok because she was happy with her bottle. Until 6.5-7 months, we were really lax with the solids. If we were home for dinner, she got it, if not, she didn't and we were ok with that (and so what C). I think it kind of skews your family's frame of reference being that the other babies were so big, but like PP said, not every baby is 98% - someone has to make up the whole chart and that is ok.
And just in case this becomes an issue with family, even though we delayed solids, C is a great eater, eats just about anything we put in front of her (we haven't hit the picky stage... yet) and she has always been at least 50% on the charts for both height and weight. If you remember correctly, my grandma was the one telling me that she would "slim down" once she started walking.
I know it's easier said than done, but try not to let them get to you. BM and formula have way more calories than cereal and pureed fruits/veggies. Tell them that. State facts that will shut them up... that is what I have to do w/ my mom and gram sometimes.
And FWIW- Evan was always in the 90th+ percentiles as a baby (born at 9lb3oz), and we didn't start solids till 6 months. Most babies end up evening out anyways... Evan is now in the 50th.
From the picture in your siggy he looks healthy as can be... look at all those rolls! He's adorable!
I swear MILs and (mothers) just arent happy no matter what you do- I'm sure the comments are coming from a caring place (at least that what I tell myself)...
I know its hard not to let it bother you- but you're doing great and if your pedi has said anything- I wouldn't give it another thought.
I had the opposite problem- L was 9lb1oz at birth and 13 lbs by the time we had our first DR. appt at 2 weeks. My MIL kept saying things like- are you sure you arent over feeding him- he's HUGE...maybe you should skip a bottle (what?!)...I finally told her that I was fattening him up so if the end of the world came and we ran out of food stuffs he could live off his fat for a little while...
Your son looks great- and he's happy and healthy- thats all that matters..
If you want to give him more cereal or try to get a more consistant schedule- then I would just try to give him some before his bottle...pick one or two feedings and try at those times...
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Unsolicited advice is the hardest to deal with as a Mom. It always made me second guess myself and my own instincts. You might want to prepare a line or two to confront what they say in the moment. For example, I always used "Hm...I spoke with the pediatrician about this recently and they were not concern/said it's normal/etc". I used that whether or not I talked to the pediatrician simply because it made people realize that they should just stop talking!!! LOL!
Thank you so much Ladies! I appreciate all the support and advice. I had a good conversation with DH about it last night and he has a much better time at "letting sh!t go" than I do....but...he's also not the one who is confronted about this. I am.
And I've tried to establish boundaries with both of them by saying the old, "This is what the pedi recommends...." yada and I usually get something from MIL like, "Well....he's not an American Dr..... " Yep. My Pedi is not white and that is why I am starving DH. Awesome. (WTF SERIOUSLY???) How do you even come back at something like that?
And my Mom "Well....you do live out in the boonies and those Dr's down there...." WHAT???
Apparently neither of them know when to close their yap. Ugh.
I needed to hear your replies because it reinforced my own good sense that I was starting to questions because of their craziness. Thank you.
I would say something like this too
, or be honest that their comments are hurtful.
You are doing great! Everything that everyone above said is what I would say as well. Evan was always and still small (10%). He is a great eater, happy and healthy...so what. A is also in the smaller percentile...we just grow smaller babies
. Early foods are for practice and taste, not for weight gain. I am sorry that you are having to deal with this, but we all seem to have to deal with Moms/MIL making some comments from what their generation did, versus what we do/choose to do now.