WWYD - living with in laws

lilone_06 · October 2011

So we believe we'll be relocating back home to the States in the near future (hooray!). Our home is currently rented through June. We have the opportunity to stay with my IL's until we can get into our place, which would be great to save money on rent all that time. It's a very gracious offer, we all get along well, and their house is really big so would accommodate us all fairly easily. They also live very near our home anyway, and there's the added bonus of a nice big yard and babysitter (MIL) onsite. However, there's the drawback of zero privacy or place of our own. I'll have a crawling baby and two little kids in a house I can't baby proof. And although nice, MIL gets on may nerves from time to time. But we'd save probably $2,000 or more per month in rent x 9 months is nearly $20k! What would you do in this situation?

EveryNameIWantIsTaken · October 2011

We're most likely going to be doing this in February for a month or two with my parents. 9 months is a long time, I'm not sure I could do that. The reason we are is that we rent, have no interest in buying, and we want to move from a townhome to a single house. We want to be able to be picky and choosy about where we end up, and where we live now we must give 60 days notice. That doesn't really work in the renting world from the landlord's side because no one is going to wait that long for us to move in and places go quick. If we had to, we could do that long, but I think it would end up straining our relationship with my parents in the end.

MAMAxB · October 2011

I 100% would.

DH and I have considered moving back to my hometown and although it would suck - we would live in my parents basement temporarily. 9 months to a year is such a small amount of time IMO in the big picture (and 20k is a huge!)

I guess if I didn't like both my parents and ILs that would maybe influence things.

But it would be worth the sacrifice. Worst case scenario you move in with them and are going crazy after a month so you get a 6 month lease somewhere else.

June2007 · October 2011

We are currently living with my parents (relocated due to job and unsure of where to rent or but etc) and have been since June. We were only supposed to stay a month but things keep getting in the way. There are a lot of pros but there are also a lot of cons... In the end, when we move out (hopefully next month!!!) it will all have been worth it. I'd say go for it. If you end up being truely miserable then you can explore other options after a few months (short lease? Long term stay hotel?) to split the time.

Switzerland · October 2011

9 months is a long time. I love my in laws and could do it but when you mention baby proofing, you would have to have a designated room or area where the kids could be that is full baby proofed or discuss before moving in with them. Right now when we visit our in laws for 2 weeks and their house is not baby proofed it's a huge stress on me more than just a nice relaxing vacation. 9 months is a long time...... it's approx 270 days / 6,480 hours

lorist202 · October 2011

Considering you can't effectively baby proof the home, have zero privacy, and a MIL that gets on your nerves, it sounds like living there will be the equivalent of a nine-month visit to ILs that never ends.

What will it be like on a really bad day, when all you want is your own privacy? What about if you and H are having a tense day between you two? What about when MIL starts trying to tag along when you go somewhere?

For the sake of your marriage and your own sanity, bite the bullet and rent a cheap place near the ILs. You can have the benefit of the babysitting, use the yard anytime, and maybe still save some portion of the 20k.

Getting along and liking them is one thing... having them in your presence 24/7 is quite another.

Stacyc625 · October 2011

I don't htink there is ANYONE (including DH) that I like in my presence 24/7- --- however that being said. I would definitely at LEAST start out there and graciously take them up on their offer and go from there. 9 months could be totally doable- or it could fizzle out and you make alternative plans- either way. I say do it.

blondiemama09 · October 2011

I would probably do it if you don't mind your ILs. The oppurtunity itself to save that much money is amazing!

We are moving back home (500 miles away from where we are now) and will move in w/ my parents until we find a place. It could be 2 months, it could be 5. I'm not looking forward to it (b/c I like my privacy), but I just keep thinking of how much we'll save, and that it's only temporary.

kcisthebombdotcom · October 2011

I would temporarily move back in. I dont know if I'd stay 9 months, but at least for the first 1-2 months.

japatton05 · October 2011

We just moved back to my DH's hometown, and lived with my IL's for 2 1/2 months. It was very very tough for me. MIL and I have NEVER gotten along, and she completely took over and tried to "raise" my son. It was terrible, BUT we did save a lot of money, very quickly so we were able to buy our house much quicker than we would've renting instead of living with them. It was pretty crazy. DH has a sister who is 16, so still in HS. Her getting ready schedule in the morning always woke my DS up at 6, when he usually slept until 8:30. We just had to pretty much change our entire schedule to cooperate with eveyrone in the house. We had hardly no privacy. We had our own bedroom, but I just couldn't be romantic it with my husband knowing on one side was his sister, and on the other were my IL's. I would try to help around the house since I was around all day and everyone else worked, but I never got any kind of appreciation, and when I stopped my MIL complained how I didn't help out around the house. I also found myself actually "bored" during the day because I wasn't at my own house and didn't have anything to do. When DS slept I just watched tv. He was just learning to walk, so it wasn't like I was chasing him around like I do now. When you are not at your own house you realize how there isn't really anything to do. I hope your experience is better. I think if my MIL wasn't crazy, it would've been much easier on me.

KKMMex · October 2011

With three small children I think it would be a stretch to live with your ILs for that amount of time. My sanity and especially my privacy are more important to me than money so there's no way I could do it. You may be more easygoing than I am though.

violaplayer · October 2011

I don't want to admit how long we've been here with MIL and FIL due to job loss and then a difficult pregnancy.

If you all can get along, set some clear expectations and you can get your own space for some semblance of privacy, it can work.

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