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Northern California Babies
Tantrums in public and Nightmares
Tantrums
I know how to deal at home, and I try to do the same out in public but it is much harder when we are in a restaurant etc.
Usually he doesn't have them in restaurants, its mostly outside when I need him to cross a street or parkinglot and he has to hold a hand and he just drops to the ground and cries. I quickly scoop him up and get him to the side safely then try to tell him why we never do that. But by this point he is worked up and I doubt he is hearing me. If I wait for him to chill he is ready to start running and laughing and ignores me....
In restaurants, the one time it has happened so far, I tried to take him outside to let him chill, but he refused to go back inside (he wanted to run around and play outside even though he was starving). I ended up resorting to putting a Shaun the Sheep on my iphone and having him sit at the table like that until DH and I could get our food wrapped up and check paid.
I feel like I am doing this wrong and I don't know what else to do. What did/do you do?
Nightmares
I think EJ is having nightmares on occassion? Or they could be tantrums but I think that is unlikely. A couple days ago we had our worst experience. He woke up at 5am and was wimpering, I went in and he stood up in his crib and I asked if he wanted to come to bed with mama and dada (I just felt like something was off) and he grabbed his blanket and practically jumped into my arms. So as I carry him out of the room he starts screaming. This proceeded for 40 minutes. I tried checking him for bug bites or cuts or even a hair wrapped on him somewhere. I tried soothing talking, DH tried too. We tried walking him around, singing, everything. Finally he just cried himself hoarse and then knocked out.
Could he have had a nightmare and was not totally awake when I came in and then woke in the process of me moving him which scared him? I am at such a loss and it was really and upsetting experience for me and DH because we felt so helpless and he was so upset. If it wasnt that then all I can think is a tummy ache or something, but he has never howled like that before.
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Re: Tantrums in public and Nightmares
The second part sounds like night terrors.
The first part. I would just take G outside. If he didn't calm down we would leave. Not judging for giving him the iphone because I'm sure you were just at a loss...but I would avoid that. I see it almost as a reward. G's phase of restaurant tantrums was short lived (thankfully) so we just waited it out and didn't go out to any place where he had to sit and be good for a while. Winnie is in that phase now. Not so much tantrms but wanting to get into everrrrrything. So we dont go to places to sit down to eat.
Both kids, as soon as they started walking, learned that they either hold hands, or get picked up. No ifs, ands, or buts.
The Blog | BirthbyKellyM
I agree with the holding hands part that Kelly said. Hold hands, or get pick up and carried. I am thankful that E listens very well. She in fact will demand to hold my hand when we are going some place, even in the house.
The second part sounds like night terrors. Does he have a night light in his room? If not, you might want to get one. Also, do you run a fan at night? E always gets night terrors if she gets really hot, so no matter the weather she has her fan on at night to help.
As far as restaurants, I would just keep toys that are quiet(er) in the bag. Little cars, crayons, coloring book, magnadoodle, etc. You can also give him little snacks to occupy him. Everything always seemed to be okay once E got cheerios, puffs, or fruit snacks. In fact, I was buying puffs well past her 2nd bday because of that.
Restaurants are hard when kids are mobile. We are still having trouble with DS # 1, he asks to use the bathroom and will do so over and over at times.
The second part- I agree with PP, sounds like night terrors. I'm not sure how to manage that, DS had them once or twice, but not an issue at our house for now. I have friends whose kids have night terrors really bad. I hope it's just a phase that will pass soon.
As far as the falling down at corners without holding hands, I would use the stroller. That's just too dangerous. If he can't hold hands I would not take a chance until he understands that it's not optional. E is tough, she puts up an argument but she has never fallen down in the street and had a tantrum like that. She just tries to get away from me, so I give her the "hold hands or I carry you" choice as well. It's tough though, I totally understand. We can't really go to restaurants at all, she just does not want to sit for very long and then one of us has to be up walking around with her the whole time. Maybe just the cafe at the Academy type of things that are very kid friendly.
I can't say that that night episode was really a night terror. Usually with night terrors, they are not really awake and can't really respond to you, etc. The part about how he jumped into your arms seemed to indicate that it was more a nightmare or a pain issue, no telling about that, could be gas or a headache.
Anyhoo, in general I try to ride tantrums out, I read that they should be allowed to see the futility of situation, it makes them more adaptable. In Hold Onto Your Kids, he calls it going from mad to sad.. I definitely think her tantrums are shorter if I am supportive, but not interactive. As soon as she comes to me and asks to be held, I pick her up.
i'm learning its impossible to 'reason' w/ a toddler. your best bet is to be a forceful parent, pick them up and go. rosie knows to hold my hand if we're walking, if she doesn't want to do it -tough- i'll pick her up and carry her and tell her that big girls hold mommie/daddie's hand when they're walking outside. as for restuarants .. we rarely do that. until she can sit still long enough - to go is our friend.
like pp said, ej's not having nightmares - if he has this zombie look in eyes when he's whimpering, it's a night terror. i asked my pedi about this when rosie was having a (*&^ of a time sleeping, waking up every night screaming. he explained the difference b/t nightmares and night terrors. from what you described, it sounds like a night terror.