Dealing with IF uncertainty

Ms H13 · October 2011

Hi ladies, kind of bummed out today and wondering if it will ever happen for us. If I knew that at some point we would be blessed with a BFP and our take home baby, it would make the waiting and the treatments much more bearable - not knowing if it will ultimately lead to anything is just really hard. Any tips for dealing with the uncertainty?

blueberries8 · October 2011

I have no tips other than having a plan for next month, 6 months from now, etc. always helps, but I totally agree with you. I often feel like I am running a marathon except I have no clue when the end is and if I will ever finish the race. If someone could just say to me "Okay, you will have to do 3 more IVFs, but then you will get to take home a baby in your arms," I think I'd be golden.

tst1998 · October 2011

I actually started going to therapy. I was just completely out of coping mechanisms and was having a harder and harder time dealing with each failure. I'm hoping it will help me figure out how to accept the fact that I cannot plan this. I've only been once so far, but I think it will be good for me.

genmalone · October 2011

No advice really just wanted to say I'm right there with you. I do have faith that I will have a baby someday but right now it's hard. Like tst, I've considered going to therapy. If this cycle fails I'll schedule an appt.

kz's_girlygirl · October 2011

I don't have any advice, but just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. Uncertainty is one of the worst parts about IF, the abbreviation is a giant IF! I really try to focus on there here and now, and it's a conscious effort most of the time.

Dh and I have also gotten more involved in a few social groups and spend more weekends doing things with other friends who don't have children. We are lucky in that regard because I know it can be difficult to find groups of friends who aren't all baby all the time.

I've also started taking advantage of the support opportunities at my RE's clinic. (It's CNY Fertility center- and they have nightly relaxation webinars and weekly/monthly online support even if you aren't a patient there. At first I was really nervous about actually putting myself out there, but you can easily just listen in to the webinars and nobody will know )

I have found that it really does help. Everyone is so positive there, and even when I am feeling jaded it helps brighten my mood and give me a little more hope for next cycle.

I

DMCKnox · October 2011

Great ideas - I wish the support network was bigger in my area - we don't have any support groups. Maybe I could start one. Also, I am a therapist and I am also in therapy - it is a great idea and way to vent and process all the pain, uncertainty and sometimes just plain anger to someone. I definitely recommend therapy to anyone.

megmacp · October 2011

FarmerLynda recommended the book, Conquering Infertility. It is a great book and teaches you lots of coping mechanisms along with justifying all the feelings you are having. I downloaded a copy off iBooks for $10-$12. I hope this helps you as much as it has helped me.

blueberries8 · October 2011

megmacp:
FarmerLynda recommended the book, Conquering Infertility. It is a great book and teaches you lots of coping mechanisms along with justifying all the feelings you are having. I downloaded a copy off iBooks for $10-$12. I hope this helps you as much as it has helped me.

I second this recommendation. I thought it was a great book...lots of different ideas on how to cope.

lisagab26 · October 2011

I'm dealing with very similar feelings, particularly today.

My acupuncturist gave me one good piece of advice that I found quite helpful: when you find yourself thinking of all the what-ifs and feeling of doom for the future, try to focus on the next step and the next step only. Try not to look so far into the future.

Though it is definitely easier said than done, when I am able to stop my thoughts from running wild and remember to do that, it does help alleviate some of those moments of acute anxiety over IF...

zookbride · October 2011

I've been in the same boat, Ms. H. I have started going to an infertility Bible study that meets 1 wed night a month. I have thought about seeing a Dr.... but heck, that's even more money! I may have to bite the bullet though if we have to start injects b/c I'm not sure how I'll handle a BFN with them.

((hugs)) I wish there was a way to know for sure too. I think that is why I've been feeling so down lately is b/c I have always been confident that it would work...and now after 2 1/2 years that confidence has finally faded into serious doubt that we'll ever get pregnant.

Ms H13 · October 2011

Thanks for the tips ladies, definitely some ideas to follow up on there. Also glad to know I'm not the only one that feels this way.

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