what would you do... just needed a vent.

dawn6041 · October 2011

I'm having an issue with taking some time out for myself and doing what I really need to do. I am in my third trimester with twins and so overwhelmed I'm about to crash. I only have a few more weeks to go and at any moment I could be strapped down to the bed and won't be able to much of anything. So I wanted to get away from being stuck in the house, since I have been home, inside, since April because of seizures and morning sickness. I have had to give up my athletics to make sure my babies are going to be healthy and I have delbt with a ton of crap like morning sickness the whole pregnancy and stupid doctors and stuff the whole time. I'm tired of the 'baby' stuff and they aren't even here. I totally need a break from both of our families and from baby stuff or at least help with the baby stuff. I need some attention to myself without distractions from computers and cell phones or families or friends.

So anyway I put my husband frst and hes been working a ton of overtime. So I've been stuck at home by myself trying my best to keep the house clean and get rooms transformed in nurserys. Well hes exhausted at this point, which exactly bad because I need some help and lots more attention than I am getting. I've been asking him for months to go away somewhere and now this weekend we were suppose to but between his overtime this weekend and a carnival with his family his weekend sleep schedule will be jipped, so I'm not going to push him into going but am concerned because I'm having trouble dealing with stuff. I feel like I'm doing this pregnancy all by myself and I just can't; but I'm too shy to push him harder to help. I just feel like I'm worth nothing right now and anytime I ask for something I shouldn't have and I'm just being stupid. So when he wants something I lift myself out of bed as best as possible and go get it for him or do it for him. Something tells me that maybe I should be a little more assertive but then again I don't want to be hated or yelled at or make him feel bad because hes a great husband, I'm just having trouble I wasn't ready for kids and now theres two on the way. I am scared because we were just married in May and have not had much time to spend with just each other. I feel like when the babies are born he'll just want to see them and not me and I'll just be the babysitter. I guess depression and too much time alone can do this but I don't know how to make him understand this is hard and I feel locked up all the time. But I'm just complaining now and that just sucks.

momto1 · October 2011

I'm not pg with twins, but a few months ago I was supposed to do one hundred different things and travel, and take care of the two kiddos I already have, and the summer was a nightmare and I finally snapped: I cancelled my trip, cancelled every plan that wasn't essentail, and made a whole lot of "me" time. Including time at a day spa and away from my house/kids/husband.

See what is absolutley essential, cut everything else out, call your best friend to help, and tell your husband what you need/want. It is good practice now, because in a few short weeks, you may want to have a break for a few hours, and you will more than deserve it!

Lots of men suck at getting just how hard it is to be pregnant and a new mom.

MrsWilson93 · October 2011

You need to talk to your husband! For your sanity and his. Men are clueless and you need to be straight forward and honest and tell him exactly what you need and want. Talk to him and tell him how upset you have been. If you can't talk to him who can you talk to? Good Luck. I know how you feel btw...

avbliss · October 2011

DH is overworked and unappreciated as well so I know how hard it can be to demand even more out of him when you know he's being stretched to his limit already. But in this case you really need to let him know you need a bit more lovin from him, if that means telling your families NO to outings, so you two can spend the time alone together, then do it. And if he thinks he's stretched too thin now, when those babies arrive he's really going to have to step it up and help with baby care, house work and helping you recover. Recovery takes at least two - three weeks, where you won't be able to lift anything heavier then the babies, and house work is 100% out of the question! So hopefully he can take some time off and spend it with you and the twins. Let him know your concerns of being treated as the babysitter, and have him make a point to at least once a day do something affectionate to you be it a kiss, hug, something in front of the babies, they thrive on the security of seeing their parents being loving towards each other, even at a VERY young age.

MesmrEwe · October 2011

It sounds like you're ready for a good old fashioned hormonal cry!! Just get it out! Odd as it sounds you'll feel great after you do. Start a journal.

You have to sometimes stop and make yourself a priority. Odd as it sounds, it's easier now than it will be after the babies get here. Even if it's a weekend alone by yourself in a hotel room, you have to get out and do something FOR YOU!! Also, stop trying to be "super Mom" you can only do so much in the course of the day and it sounds like you need to take a break from the house work and nursery prep and do a Mommy prep.

Yes, you should also talk to your DH.. Yes, he's doing a great job working and providing, OTOH, it takes two to make them and two to raise them. I understand what you mean on not being "ready" so soon after getting married and mourning the loss of your honeymoon time alone together. Yes, you need to set aside some time for "No overtime, we're going out of town for the weekend" just to have some time together ALONE.

Give yourself permission to have a "Mental Health day!"

facebeauty · October 2011

MesmrEwe:

It sounds like you're ready for a good old fashioned hormonal cry!! Just get it out! Odd as it sounds you'll feel great after you do. Start a journal.

You have to sometimes stop and make yourself a priority. Odd as it sounds, it's easier now than it will be after the babies get here. Even if it's a weekend alone by yourself in a hotel room, you have to get out and do something FOR YOU!! Also, stop trying to be "super Mom" you can only do so much in the course of the day and it sounds like you need to take a break from the house work and nursery prep and do a Mommy prep.

Yes, you should also talk to your DH.. Yes, he's doing a great job working and providing, OTOH, it takes two to make them and two to raise them. I understand what you mean on not being "ready" so soon after getting married and mourning the loss of your honeymoon time alone together. Yes, you need to set aside some time for "No overtime, we're going out of town for the weekend" just to have some time together ALONE.

Give yourself permission to have a "Mental Health day!"

Yup, that's nice tip.

JMack1117 · October 2011

Sorry, but there are a lot of red flags in this post. Why are you shy with your husband about asking for things you need? Does he make you get up to wait on him when you're tired too? Why do you think he'll hate you or yell at you if you ask for what you need?

cgeisler10@yahoo.com · October 2011

You need to make some time for yourself and your hubby needs to make time for you as well. You are in your third trimester and that's when it REALLY starts getting difficult to get around. Especially since you are having twins! I understand your hubby is working OT and doing things to provide for you but sometimes the emotional and physical support of you is more important than the monetary. In my opinion you need to have a heart to heart with your hubby and let him know that you need some attention and some help. I know he's tired after working OT but try carrying around a couple babies. He should be the one getting up and getting you things (like the glass of water you want etc) not the other way around. Just my opinion, take it or leave it.

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what would you do... just needed a vent.

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