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3rd Trimester
FTM - Postnatal plan? Need advice from experienced moms
I'm a FTM, and a friend of mine just had twins two weeks ago and sent me an email of what to expect the first few weeks at home. Her main point was to have a "post natal plan" that included things like what to do if you can't breastfeed as easily as expected, who to call if you need additional backup help (like a nanny or housekeeper), etc. She said that it was difficult for her to make a lot of necessary decisions on the fly, especially with the exhaustion of being sleep deprived and overwhelmed, and she wished she had a plan in place to cover those "just in case" and "what if" scenarios that came up once she brought the baby home. I'm trying to put together a list other things to consider once we get LO home, just in case things don't go as smoothly as planned. Any input from moms who have been there and know what I'm referring to?
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Re: FTM - Postnatal plan? Need advice from experienced moms
I didn't have a plan.
But I agree with your friend about the BF. Definitely know who you can contact for help or support if you have BF difficulties and it's important to you to BF. It might be a LC, LLL or just friends who have BF.
I didn't feel a need for back-up help so I was fine on that front. It was just me and DH and my Mum came to visit most days, but I was the only one cleaning my house and that simply wasn't an issue for me.
I do advise freezing meals. As many as your freezer can hold. Sure people may I was sad the day I used my last freezer meal. I didn't use them everyday, but they were fabulous for the days I just couldn't be bothered to cook.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
Things that I would have found helpful (but I found anyway postpartum) were the following:
Local LLL phone number and group meeting times
carry out menus for local places that you like to eat at, or for Let's Dish so there is not much thought when it comes to meals
best places to find nursing bras that ACTUALLY fit (I got fitted at Nordstroms or Bloomingdales and bought my bras at Breakout Bras dot com)
finding a number for a housekeeper or maid service could be helpful I guess, but I never used one.
Can't think of anything else. I mean having twins is a whole different ball-game really, so you should manage just fine.
I didn't have a plan. I had family fly 1,000 miles to stay with me for a week and I assumed they would be helping out, but I was mostly catering to them while I recovered. lol
It's really not that big of a deal. If you have SOMEBODY around to help you like DH or your mom, there's no need for anything else. House work can wait until you're ready... a few dishes in the sink isn't going to make or break you. Just make sure your baby has food, clothes, diapers, and wipes. We bought 1 can of formula incase of "emergency" and never ended up needing it, but it was good to have.
I never had a post birth plan with either #1 or #2. I agree twins are a whole different ballgame.
As far as BF...make sure you leverage the LC in the hospital and don't be afraid to call LLL. Also, educate yourself now - read up on BF!
I do recommend freezing meals.
Other than that you'll be fine.
This. This is our third and we have no need for "back up" and never have had a need for it. I can see why you would need extra help if you have a c-section for the first week or two...Maybe it has to do with my personality but I think this all sounds a little ridiculous. Suck it up and deal with it on your own. As for the breastfeeding part...a simple call to a lactation consultant is really all you need...and most of the time you can get in right away if you need help with something.
It's actually worse if you have family who fly in to stay with you, after having a c-section, and don't help. My "plan" this time was to not have anyone invited over, period - if they come, it's for a weekend, when DH is home - I'm not catering to anybody this time around. Note to FTMs - people rarely come stay with you to help - they come to hold the baby 24/7, not clean or cook. I'm glad I BFed, though the grandmothers were upset that they couldn't feed my son - I didn't give a rats a$$, but some more sensitive types would likely freak out over the discouragement.
My plan, otherwise, based on how things went last time:
DH stays home for two weeks - this time around he'll mostly be the one having one-on-one playtime with our 19 month old son, since I can't lift him
I'm in a moms' group, and they will kindly bring us dinner every other day for two weeks, which is awesome! I didn't make freezer meals last time, but we have a few already stored this time around, and with the donated meals, we won't have much cooking to worry about in the beginning.
Also, the LCs I've spoken to always said to never keep formula on hand, because it makes it too easy to fall back on, and that can lead down a dangerous path. I'd probably recommend meeting with a LC before resorting to formula, if BFing is your plan.
I am from the school of thought to "always be prepared". Like a Girl Scout.
That said, you have no idea what emotions you will feel. And you may not feel like your friend or other women on here. For the woman that can "suck it up and deal with it": good for you.
Everyone experiences post-partum differently. And after each of my first two kiddos, I felt very differently. I, honestly, am a little bit nervous for #3 to come and am taking "preparing" very seriously.
You have no idea if you'll experience baby blues, or PPD or even how you and your partner will cope. It can be nerve wracking. Prepare away!
What I'm doing for #3:
downloading books, DVR'ing TV, for late nights and long BF sessions. Beyond organizing type stuff. Making lots of freezer meals. Cleaning help assigned. Schedueld dog walker. Christmas shopping/ wrapping/ preparing (baby is due at T-day).
It's what makes me comfortable and calm right now.
And with my 1st, I went to a couple LLL meetings so that I could have a few women to call in a pinch and get some advice. If BF is something you really want to try, these are the women to call-- even if only planning on BF for a few months to a year.
Good luck!
I'd have the number for LLL before I'd have the number for a LC any day of the week! The LLL women tend to be women who have BTDT for having problems, LC's in some cases have never actually had kids.. With DD I was having pump issues and told "just quit because it's you not the pump" by an LC - yea, thanks for the encouragement!
I agree with your friend though on the post partum stuff.. You won't know until you get there what the baby blues will be like. Whether it's one or two newborns, with the physical that is in the mix of it all it's still going to be something that just can't be described for the difficulty. Like PP mentioned, most people coming in from out of town (or even in town house guests) means they hold the baby while you cook/clean when in reality it would be more helpful if you could hold the baby while they cook and clean for you..
Also, the post partum birth plan for the hospital is also something good to think about, I had a 36 hour long L&D and between sleep & food deprivation, exhaustion, etc. getting asked a million questions on top of unexpected visitors, yea, your friend is right! Things like visitors, where the baby is going to be, pain management (I think it's a bigger accomplishment to make it through post partum without pain control than L&D!), getting up and moving around, showering, checks, BF, etc. It's a lot all at once!