NCP: S/O College

MrsMeMo · October 2011

A few people mentioned in bigbear's thread that college is something that will be non-negotiable/automatic after high school for their children. What are your thoughts on college? They don't have to if they don't want to, they can take some time off, they have to go immediately, etc.

MrsMeMo · October 2011

While I will always note the importance of education from a young age, and hope that my children will choose to go to college, I do feel the decision is ultimately up to them.

I won't make them feel like college is something they HAVE to do. If they aren't ready for it, or aren't sure what they want to do for the rest of their lives, I don't see the point in them wasting the time, or either of us wasting the money. I'd rather them be sure it's for them and be sure about what they want in life before making the commitment to a degree.

I just feel that while higher education is very useful and almost necessary in today's world, I don't want to force something of that importance on my child.

DEBBIE33CASEY · October 2011

Since so much will change between now and the 16/19 years from now I won't make a dead locked decision. But as long as they make good decisions I will support them

DH and I both completed bachelors and DH has an MBA as well. I thought that college provided a great transition from living at home to adulthood. But I wouldn't base my decision soley on that (that would be an expensive way to transition alone! Lol)

cschissell · October 2011

That is tough. I would really like them to go to college, but I don't know if I will make it a no option thing. DH and I both have graduate degrees and feel education is very important, but if my child is not ready after high school I don't want him to screw around and waste the money to go and not graduate. I also want them to have an idea of what they want to do in school.

MrsLeanna · October 2011

I think college is a MUST and I don't agree with taking time off. I think they need to start college the fall after high school while they're still in a mindset for school, if they take time off then I think it's harder to go back. A college degree is so important these days. They don't need to know what they want to do with their life, but they need to get a degree. After college, it's their choice to continue with school, however I will strongly encourage them to go to grad school. I have a Master's degree, both my parents do as well and I think it's ok to wait on that until they know what they want to do, but a 4 year degree is a non-negotiable in my house. I will pay for it and continue to support them through college (though they should work part time to pay for their personal expenses).

LaurdaJean · October 2011

I don't feel college is for everybody, but I don't think they should take a year "summer break". If my child decides not to go to college after HS then a full time job must be in line in order to stay at my house. I will not support a child that just wants to lay at home all day. That's how it worked at my parents house and I feel it worked well because us kids that didn't go to college ended up with careers, not just jobs. I'm all for higher education and would support a child going for their associates as much as I would support a child going for their bachelors, masters, phd. I think if my parents wouldn't have forced me go to a four year and would've let me start out at the community college I wanted to go to first I would've completed a degree.

mrs.larry · October 2011

I think college will be an automatic - but I don't see forcing the issue if one of our children has a really huge problem with it. If they need to find their path and come back to it (or move on with something else) then they'll be free to make that choice.

At the end of the day, we'll give them everything we can, while we can. And we'll encourage them to go to college and we'll save as much as we can to help them through it. But they'll be adults by that point and responsible for their own choices.

cynasmin · October 2011

School - college, trade school etc or work full time. I'm flexible on the choice but loafing around not permitted.

After college i'm more ok w/ taking some time to travel, provided they have the money but i think college opens up alot of opportunities for travel (study abroad) and free time to pursue other interests. My parents did the old if you want us to pay you need to go straight from HS or you can go to work full time like the rest of the family.

Sascha3 · October 2011

I will just copy and paste what I wrote there:

I was also raised that college was a non-negotiable. I never even considered not going to college. My husband did not go to college and feels that it is only necessary in certain fields.

The hard part of this is that I always want to argue that it IS necessary. Even if just for the inner growth and to learn higher analytical skills. But the problem comes in that my husband and many of my close friends that earn over 6 figures did not go to college. Yet they earn more than myself or many of my friends who did go to college. So my arguments don't always win him over. My husband is very smart and self motivated, so maybe he didn't need college to succeed, but unfortunately a lot of people need the extra help.

I don't think it helps us to live in a city like Vegas, where making 6 figures in jobs that do not require an education is a pretty easy thing to do here. The rest of the country is a bit tougher.

It is hard for me to admit that college is not the best solution in all cases. I LOVE school and would be a lifelong student if I didn't like making money. But it has to be for the right reason, and the right time. I pushed my daughter into going to college immediately after high school. She went to a culinary school that cost me $38,000 for her associates degree only. And then she decided she didn't want to be a chef. I would have done much better making her get a job in a kitchen and see how she liked it before investing the $38,000. My daughter is not a "bookish" person like I am. She is very creative. The path I took may not be the path she should take. As I mentioned above, I have a lot of very creative friends who are all quite successful financially, without degrees. Many of them own stores, salons, and other businesses. Others are in sales and real estate and make a killing. College does not equal success in all cases.

Jessiree · October 2011

College isn't for every kid. Do I think it is an important step for most people? Absolutely, but I also recognize that there are a lot of kids that aren't a good fit for it, and there are definitely a lot of people living their dreams and making a good living without having ever stepped foot in college.

College is definitely going to be an emphasis in our house, considering I am hoping to eventually get my doctorate, but if we have children that we don't think college is right for, we'll help them find out what it is that would make them happy, be it a trade school, the armed forces, etc.

Lhand11 · October 2011

I am a firm believer in College or Military. My husband, while he agrees that both of those are good options, always points out that he never finished college and is making a boatload more than I am and has quite a cush job.

I think college is much more than a textbook education. I learned how to be an adult and grow up. I learned about human relationships, real life problem solving without consulting mom and dad, self structure and discipline. College is life learning as well as book learning.

I think it is much harder to start back up with school if you take a break. My husband is the example there. However, I guess it is not for everyone, but I feel like I am going to have those 2 options for our kids-College or Military.

MAMAxB · October 2011

My mom told me that if I didn't go to college she would "hire someone to hurt me".

I went for one year and didn't know what I wanted to do so stopped.

I have a really good job and love what I do.

My brother has a 4 year degree but owns his own business so didn't need it.

My dad never went to college and makes more than my mom does and is very successful in his field.

I will not force my kids to go to college if they are passionate about something else that doesn't need a degree. As long as they are pursuing something.

Pacheco825 · October 2011

I would like for them to go and with a boy I will push it alittle more as they need to be the breadwinner.

DEBBIE33CASEY · October 2011

Pacheco825:
I would like for them to go and with a boy I will push it alittle more as they need to be the breadwinner.

sorry but i have to give a friendly side eye to this. Personally I find it just as important as my DD as my DS to pursue higher education. You really can't predict who will be the breadwinner of their relationships.

mrs.larry · October 2011

Pacheco825:
I would like for them to go and with a boy I will push it alittle more as they need to be the breadwinner.

Indifferent

ETA: Debbie33casey said it much more eloquently than I could. so... what she said.

MrsLeanna · October 2011

My DH did not go to college and he also earns in the six figures, but he got lucky. And he knows it. Many many jobs these days require a 4 year degree to even apply, it doesn't matter what the degree is in as long as its there. After they have it, then go travel or take time off to figure out what to do, but first go to college. And I think it's BS that college is not for everyone, there are so many types of colleges out there that there is one for everyone, that's an excuse IMO. If HS is for everyone then so is college, they just need to find the right one.

Sascha3 · October 2011

MrsLeanna:
My DH did not go to college and he also earns in the six figures, but he got lucky. And he knows it. Many many jobs these days require a 4 year degree to even apply, it doesn't matter what the degree is in as long as its there. After they have it, then go travel or take time off to figure out what to do, but first go to college. And I think it's BS that college is not for everyone, there are so many types of colleges out there that there is one for everyone, that's an excuse IMO. If HS is for everyone then so is college, they just need to find the right one.

I used to think just like you, and a large part of me still does. I value my education and I would not give up my college experience for anything. I love school and I love learning...I would rather be an eternal student than work. But I like earning money too much.

I have argued with my husband on this issue because I still do value education, and I will continue to push it as much as possible. It is just that my life experience and circle of friends has taught me that the college graduates are not always the most successful. It really is about 50/50 among those I know. I will strongly encourage my child to go to college, but I am keeping my mind open to the possibility that there are other routes. But the non college route takes a strong plan, self motivation and ambition, and a special type of person. I will not support my child having no career goals.

MrsLeanna · October 2011

Sascha3:
MrsLeanna:
My DH did not go to college and he also earns in the six figures, but he got lucky. And he knows it. Many many jobs these days require a 4 year degree to even apply, it doesn't matter what the degree is in as long as its there. After they have it, then go travel or take time off to figure out what to do, but first go to college. And I think it's BS that college is not for everyone, there are so many types of colleges out there that there is one for everyone, that's an excuse IMO. If HS is for everyone then so is college, they just need to find the right one.

I used to think just like you, and a large part of me still does. I value my education and I would not give up my college experience for anything. I love school and I love learning...I would rather be an eternal student than work. But I like earning money too much.

I have argued with my husband on this issue because I still do value education, and I will continue to push it as much as possible. It is just that my life experience and circle of friends has taught me that the college graduates are not always the most successful. It really is about 50/50 among those I know. I will strongly encourage my child to go to college, but I am keeping my mind open to the possibility that there are other routes. But the non college route takes a strong plan, self motivation and ambition, and a special type of person. I will not support my child having no career goals.

It's not just about success, it's also about the college experience and making friends and learning how to have that discipline to get up go to class study, etc. And, once you have that degree, it's there for the rest of your life no one can take that away from you. So, in 10, 15 etc years if you decide teaching is for you, or whatever it's still there.

mrs.larry · October 2011

MrsLeanna:

It's not just about success, it's also about the college experience and making friends and learning how to have that discipline to get up go to class study, etc. And, once you have that degree, it's there for the rest of your life no one can take that away from you. So, in 10, 15 etc years if you decide teaching is for you, or whatever it's still there.

I absolutely agree with this. and that's why I'll do everything I can to instill the same values in my children. I will save all the money I can to help them pay for it, and I'll strive to give them the tools they need to help them get good grades throughout school so they have the option of finding the right college (for instance we are already stressing about where we need to move to get our sons into the best schools - we can't afford private). Higher education will certainly be expected of them, and they'll grow up knowing this as well as the many many benefits of obtaining a college degree(s) vs. not. It's not a matter of not recognizing how crucial higher learning is (both for the learning as well as building who you are as a person), or not valuing it enough.

But the bottom line for our family is that once they are adults, they're going to have to make that decision and commitment on their own. They'll have to be responsible for their own lives. I will have to trust them to do that.

anhg80 · October 2011

In general, we're probably going to be the type of family that emphasizes the importance of college. However, if our child were interested in pursuing a career path for which college is not the best way to go, then I might reconsider. My brother is a really successful high school drop out. He is missing one semester of senior english to graduate. However, he was responsible enough to figure out how he could make a career in his area of passion (theater) by doing an internship and finding a mentor. There's literally no reason for him to go to college. Aside from the year when a ridiculous number of shows closed on Broadway all at once (2009?), he's been gainfully employed - and able to live pretty well in NYC.

There are some other professions for which college is not really necessary (beautician, plumber, mechanic, off the top of my head) that if my child expressed a real interest and commitment in pursing I would not push college. However, taking time off just to "figure things out" won't really be an option. "Figuring things out" is what college is for these days.

littlemonster417 · October 2011

Although I hope my child chooses college, I know that college is not for everyone. I do not plan to waste my money or their money on something they absolutely have no drive to do. I will encourage higher education, but it will not be mandatory.

mudluscious4 · October 2011

cynasmin:
School - college, trade school etc or work full time. I'm flexible on the choice but loafing around not permitted.

This. Or military. But they certainly won't take a year+ break on mommy and daddy. If they want to travel or tinker for a year, they'll have had to have worked part time during HS to save up for it.

MrsMeMo · October 2011

mrs.larry:
Pacheco825:
I would like for them to go and with a boy I will push it alittle more as they need to be the breadwinner.

ETA: Debbie33casey said it much more eloquently than I could. so... what she said.

Uhhhh yeah....

kcvasquez · October 2011

I don't think anyone should be forced into doing something such as going to college. However I do believe in encouraging them to do something beyond high school, obviously I would love for all my children to go to college as both DH and I have. But college is not for everyone, if they find a special trade they love i.e hair school, then I want them to follow what they love! Having a four degree can get you in a lot of doors, but if you're not doing something you really want to do then to me it's kind of pointless.

n&bcarlson · October 2011

College is a must, but I would be okay with a year off if it were spent productively. For example, my DH went as an exchange student to Sweden right after high school. He spent the year learning the language and attending Swedish high school (which goes a year longer than American high school), then came back for college. My exception would be if I had a child who was not as academically inclined and really wanted to get into a good trade, in which case trade school would be a fine alternative. I'm not anticipating this with two daughters, but if one of them really wants to be a plumber, all I can say is that our plumber's house is WAY nicer than ours, and both DH and I went to college.

firegirle1 · October 2011

College is expected. Though even that depends on the kid. My little cousin will not be going to college because his learning disorders are so severe that it is just not something that will be feasible. He will be going to technical school or something of the such.

The time off I am a little shaker on. I took a little over a year off after one semester of college so I would feel a bit hypocritical saying absolutely ?no? to a break. However, my time off was due to extreme extenuating circumstances. I truly feel in my case, without that break I would never have finished. Instead I graduated a bit late, with high honors and no dept thanks to the scholarship I received (thanks to what I was doing during my time off). I think that I was the exception to the rule as not going back was never an option. If what had happened to me during my first semester had not occurred I would have finished college in four years. So I guess my answer is it big ol ?it depends?.

ETA: FYI I suported myself during my year off.

VABride2008 · October 2011

We will emphasize the importance of college and support them if they decide to go that route. We can't "make" them do anything they don't want to, though. We certainly won't be funding them to goof off in college and flunk out or to be a bum and live off of us while they don't do anything. We can guide them to make sound decisions but we can't force them to do something they don't want to do.

AfterAll · October 2011

DH and I both went to college and graduate school. I am working on my second masters. DH works at a university so tuition is free for our children. It is really non negotioable for our kids... we have already discussed this. Even if LO wants to do a trade, like be an electrician, the 4 years of experience you gain in college, plus having something to fall back on is invaluable.

CircleInTheSea · October 2011

College is up to my kids. I will certainly encourage it, but it will be up to them to pay for it. I know too many people who blew their parents money on top of large amounts of student loans on an education they don't use (and these are people I care about & like, not burn outs). I will help support my kids (groceries, a place to stay, etc), just as my mom did for me, but I paid for college with scholarships and jobs. It didn't put me or my parents out and I completed in less than four years (and I'm far from what you would call 'driven', lol).

Sascha3 · October 2011

CircleInTheSea:
College is up to my kids. I will certainly encourage it, but it will be up to them to pay for it. I know too many people who blew their parents money on top of large amounts of student loans on an education they don't use (and these are people I care about & like, not burn outs). I will help support my kids (groceries, a place to stay, etc), just as my mom did for me, but I paid for college with scholarships and jobs. It didn't put me or my parents out and I completed in less than four years (and I'm far from what you would call 'driven', lol).

I also agree with this point. I also know people who just went to college for years, or completed in 4 years yet did not use their degree after their parents saved and struggled to put them through. I will help when the time comes, as I did with my daughter (I paid half), and I let her live at home rent free, etc. But I do think the education is more appreciated when you have to work or be responsible for paying for some of it by yourself, whether that be through a job during college or student loans. I will not foot the entire bill.

luckylindy · October 2011

I feel like college is a place that not everyone should attend. Some people aren't meant for it and get pushed that direction because they feel they have to. My brother is a perfect example. He wants to be a computer technician. It would serve him much better to focus on getting certifications over a bachelor's degree, given what he is interested in; but my mom has drilled it into his head that he has to go to college. At the moment, he is wasting time and money in college in my opinion.

For our LO, we do want him to get some form of higher education. Now this doesn't have to be just college. If his aptitude/interests lie in a career that is better suited for an associates or vocational degree than that's what we want him to go after. Our mantra is choose the career you want first then decide how you need to get there. We don't believe in going to college first then figuring out what career you want.

NCP: S/O College

Re: NCP: S/O College

Choose Another Board

Search Boards