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January 2012 Moms
I don't think other moms will like me :/
I grew up in Europe and I've done things at age of 6 that kids here don't do when they are in their teens.
Now, I"m not saying that what I was doing is something that I"ll let my kids do (I was peeling potatoes, cutting them up and making mashed potatoes, I was making my own chicken etc. It was one of my chores if I would be home from school before my mom. So YES I had my key and would stay home alone, too)
I never had any problems with it and I still dont' see it as anything bad. Thats just how it was back there back then.... All kids were like that.
So while I won't have my daughter peel potatoes with a knife at age of 6, I will have her pack her own school bag, have her do her homework and only help and sit with her if she needs my help.
What I"m trying to say is: I think people are babying kids way too much these days . I have several people at work who say that their 7year old still refuses to eat with a fork and that her school bag has to be packed for her and that the 11year old is too young to understand the resposibility of having a retainer and making sure she doesn't loose it. Another one is 13 and is still not allowed to stay home alone (Arent you old enough to babysit at that age already?) And that's just crazy to me.
I just don't think that kids learn repsonsibility the right way. If they are used to you always packing their bag and don't learn the consequence of not having a book at school one day how will they learn to be independant and know it is their resposibility and not the parent's.
I hope I'm not sounding like a total moron and hope that I"m explaining myself right. I will still let my kid be a kid and will not force things but some things should be introduced early on as it will only help them out.
What are your thoughts on this??
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I don't think other moms will like me :/
I don't think you sound like a total moron.
Overall, I agree with your assessment that overall, kids in this society are babied too much and for too long, whether it's a lack of accountability/responsibility for their actions or allowed to behave like babies well into adolescence. However, in some situations I try to put myself in the other person's shoes - maybe they knew a kid who was kidnapped when they were in middle school, or something horrible like that.
That said - I am right there with you when it comes to teaching responsibility - I will not be my child's crutch. My niece is responsible at 4 years old for setting the table (she gets out the silverware and the plates are placed on the counter for her), making her bed, picking out her clothes and getting herself dressed, and probably some other things I'm not aware of.
IMO - children are a member of the household. We all have responsibilities as members of a functioning household - age-appropriate responsibilities, and it seems to me a lot of people under-estimate what their children are capable of being responsible for.
Started TTC 05.08
Me: Stage II endo, borderline high FSH
DH: perfect
1 lap, 5 IUIs = 4 BFNs and 1 c/p
2 IVFs, 2 FETs = 1 BFN, 1 c/p, 1 ectopic and finally a sticky BFP in May 2011!
1 FET in Aug 2013 = BFP!
I agree! While my children will not be peeling potatoes and staying home alone at 6, but like you stated it was different where you were brought up so I can understand that.
I think there is way too much babying going on especially when it comes to certain things. Take sports for example - now a days everyone gets a trophy wether you win or lose. We are not teaching kids anything with that. Everyone needs to learn that life is not fair and you are not always going to get what you want.
I agree with this. I had similar responsibilities as you (bag packing, chores, etc) when I was young and it taught me a lot. I don't think DH had those same responsibilities and to this day I still have to remind him to put his cup in the dishwasher or whatever. Thankfully no feeding him
It's important for a kid to learn their independence!
I'm with you on this! Like you, I'm not going to let my kid use a knife and peeler and stay home alone at 6-years-old, but there are things that they should know how to do early on. I will pack my kid's lunch, simply because I pack my husband's and I don't think making him pack his own would the right message if daddy doesn't pack his own. (Men! LoL!) I was already babysitting at 12 and babies nonetheless. I agree that children are being babied too much nowadays. I also feel - and this is a totally different topic - that kids are generally not being taught to respect their parents. I grew up with a healthy fear/respect for my parents and I look at my nieces/nephew (16-19) and they don't seem to give a sh!t what their parents say. I also think some parents are too loose with their kids too and give them too many freedoms.
Being that this will be my first child so I certainly have no parenting basis; however, I see my family members and since I work at the sheriff's office I see kids in here every day. I shouldn't say "I'll never..." because I don't know but I have a parenting plan and MH and I agree and will do our absolute best to raise healthy, well rounded children.
My little goofball born 1/2012
I also think kids today are coddled way too much, and more and more parents are becoming helicopters - they have to hover all the time.
As a nanny I constantly see ads from parents who say that they need the kids to be entertained at all times. How do kids learn to use their imagination and become independant if someone is always right there to entertain them?
I will make sure my kids are both well loved and entertained, but they also need to learn some independance and responsibility.
I'm so glad you ladies agree!
That is exactly what I mean. So maybe I won't be a witch of a mom after all
Perfectly said! My DD (almost 3) puts her own plate in the sink, has been cleaning up her own toys since she was 18 months old. She helps me with Laundary and cleaning the floors but in her own way. I think some parents do things for their kids because they do not do them "right". I'll tell you my 3 year old does not fold laundary well but she gets the idea that mommy cannot color or play out side or have a snack until I get my work done. I think its a good lesson even if she does not do it "right"!
Uggggg! Helicopter parents are the worst! How do you expect your child to grow up and be independent if you are constantly hovering over what they do and then to make it worse going to their schools and hovering over the teacher to make sure they're treating your child the way you expect! Good luck living with that 35 year old non-independent child! I totally agree!
I think the earlier you start the better kids adjust to adult life and are successful at it. Still plenty of time for playing in the mud but also for contributing to being a part of the family and helping out.
I totally pinned this article yesterday for future use! https://parentingsquad.com/45-chores-young-children-can-do
also if your into astrology many of our babies will be Capricorns here some interesting insight on the personality:
The Capricorn baby has a plan from day one and will definitely stick to it! A bit on the serious side, this is a child who is disciplined, methodical, and highly organized to boot. Is this really a child?! Well, yes and no. Not adventurously inclined, the Capricorn baby almost seems dull, but they are simply taking time with things, learning lessons slowly, so as to learn them well. This child enjoys feeling important from an early age, so don't hesitate to give them responsibilities. The Cap baby is up to the task!
sounds like there is a good chance they will like picking up their toys etc - you can make it a game doesn't have to feel like a chore because it is one.
That is so cute!!! I can't even get DH to bring his plate to the sink!
PS: Your siggy picture is the cutest pic ever!!!
Here is just another example I didn't mention in my original post. My supervisor's younger daughter (she is 6 now) was crying just recently b/c she had forgotten her doll at her house and now she was at her grandma's for the day.
My supervisor LEFT WORK to go get the toy and bring it over b/c she didn't want her daughter to be sad. UHMM WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?! It's not like she didn't have other toys, it was just that particular one she remembered and wanted to play with... To me that is just ridiculous. Parents like that are not helping, they are crippling their kids and they will have a lot harder time also as adults b/c they won't understand that not everything can be done by their rules. She also cooks a separate meal for them (she has 2 kids) every day that consists of corn, chicken nuggets and ketchup. Sometimes it's noodles. Oh and they only want to eat apples and bananas, so to substitute for the rest they each take 5 different viatmins every day. I just don't get it....
I'm also rather strict when it comes to education. DH and I always disagree on this. But in today's society there isn't much you can make of yourself unless you have at least a 4 year degree. It's not impossible but it's very difficult. So I always say that after highschool comes college simple as that. DH thinks that it's ok to let them take a year off and pursue a dream like music or sports and then go back to school. To me that is a$$ backwards. You can still have your dreams and try to make them a reality but figure out a safe plan b/c chances are alot higher that you'll need education and can't rely on just your "fun talents". I"m not saying I will tell my children they won't make it as a musitian or an athlete but they need to know that anything can happen and education is important in today's society....
I completely agree with everyone who posted. I remember helping my mom do the dishes long before I was able to reach the sink myself, I had to stand on a bench to do it. From a young age we were expected to put away our own toys and things, including laundry, and help with household chores like dusting and sweeping. I definitely plan on teaching our children about responsibility and having an active part in the household.
i feel like you have alot time in college to pursue your studies and your dreams. i think its better to go straight to school better to finish school and delay your job finding to travel etc i think it would be so hard to go back and is probably to too much freedom for many 18/19yo who suddenly doesn't have any responsibilities or commitments.
I'm with you on all points. My daughter does age appropriate chores - she sets the table, puts her dishes in the sink, certainly eats with utensils and feeds herself. She loves to help me cook and brings her stool into the kitchen. She doesn't do everything perfectly but that's ok, she'll learn. I actually can't stand when people treat kids as helpless. Give them an opportunity, I think it helps them feel confident in themselves also.
As for school, college for me was just what you did after high school, there was never an option, that's just the way it was. So, I graduated HS and went right to college. My kids will be raised to believe that too - college is non-negotiable. As far as I'm concerned a graduate degree is also a necessity. Pursue music or sports while you're in school, or even better use it as a vessel to get to college - get a scholarship fabulous, but school is a must.
I was also raised that college was a non-negotiable. I never even considered not going to college. My husband did not go to college and feels that it is only necessary in certain fields.
The hard part of this is that I always want to argue that it IS necessary. Even if just for the inner growth and to learn higher analytical skills. But the problem comes in that my husband and many of my close friends that earn over 6 figures did not go to college. Yet they earn more than myself or many of my friends who did go to college. So my arguments don't always win him over. My husband is very smart and self motivated, so maybe he didn't need college to succeed, but unfortunately a lot of people need the extra help.
I don't think it helps us to live in a city like Vegas, where making 6 figures in jobs that do not require an education is a pretty easy thing to do here. The rest of the country is a bit tougher.
And to the OP...I think you will be a fabulous mom!
Layla 01.08.12
Chloe and Vivian 07.23.13
My Gang. Halloween 2013
Thank you so much!!!!
I'd like you!
I can't wait till my kids can do chores. and while I'm looking forward to that day for my own selfish reasons
, the whole point of chores is to teach kids how to live their lives as adults when the time comes. To me, that's the main point of parenting - preparing your child for life. Right? Coddling them is not going to do them any favors in the long run.
My niece doesn't know how to do dishes. At 15 years old. and it's a running joke in their family. every time they bring it up and laugh I think to myself: WTF?
I hear you! My husband's brother (the baby of the fam) will be 17 in December and my ILs still make a separate dinner for him because he doesn't eat what the rest of the family eats. They also blamed the teachers on his misbehavior in school (which they removed him from in 9th grade and put him in some "new-age" school). I could go on and on and on. If my BIL isn't a reason I will raise my child to be responsible for his/her actions and become self reliant, I don't know what is!
"Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it the more it will elude you but if u turn your attention to other things it will come & sit softly on your shoulder."
BFP! 04/26/11 - DS born 12/28/11 - BFP #2! 04/02/13 - DD born 12/11/13 -
My Ovulation Chart
If only all parents are like some I have read in this post. We are working now on my DD picking her toys up at home (something I kick myself in the a$$ every day about not being more stern early on) because she will really only pick up when we aren't at home. I am a FIRM believer in, if you don't eat what is put in front of you, you go to bed hungry, and many nights my DD does go to bed hungry because she won't eat and I won't coddle her on it.
But every day, we make our beds, pick up our rooms, and take our dirty clothes from the bathroom after our shower and put them in the hamper. She is helping me sort laundry now and she watches me cook dinner.
I think for me and chores, a lot has been hard for me to enforce because I just recently became a stay at home mom and when I worked, I would take her to her grandmas for a few hours on the weekend so I could clean and do laundry. Now, we have to do it together, but *I* get lazy and will leave crap everywhere. I have been forcing myself to get better so I can show a better example.
But there are no options for dinner at home or cleaning up toys outside our house.
Like the others I believe that you have the right attitude and outlook on this aspect of parenting. My 2 year old daughter, helps out with clearing the table, picking up her toys (this is becoming a struggle...terrible two's have arrived) putting clothes from washer to dryer (with my help, for obvious height restrictions... lol) She washes her own hands and face after meals. My son likes to rinse dishes, pass the vacuum, set the table and change his own bed sheets. He also struggles with picking up his toys, but he has no choice or he loses toys.
As for the potato peeling, my son asked to do it about 2 months ago and he enjoyed doing it. I was standing next to him making sure no fingers were in the way and he likes doing it. He also likes to serve himself if he wants more food. i see no problem with kids having some age appropriate independence.
I completely agree with having your child learn responsibilty early. I have a 19 year old step sister who has a helicopter mother. My sister came over to my house for a week about a month ago and had to call me to find out how to wash her clothes, how to use the dryer, and how to make a box lunch. She has no sense of adulthood and does not understand what it is like in the real world. When she leaves the house to go anywhere, she has to call her mother when she pulls out of the driveway, when she is out of the subdivision, when she makes it into town (they live in the country), when she makes it to her destination, and they those same calls in reverse when she is on her way back home.
I have made a desicion to never treat my daughter like that. I want to give her space to grow and make her own choices (within reason). Parents these days take care of everything and their kids grow up clueless.
bfp #2 - missed m/c 7 weeks 6 days (Madison)
bfp #3 - missed m/c 7 weeks 4 days (Madilon)
bfp #4 - Payton!
My SIL had no chores as a child (DH had to do them all because he was the boy). Well her lack of responsibility has carried over magnificently into adulthood (who doesn?t want a 38 year old still living at home?).
When I was little I loved to climb trees (still do). Often I would climb so high that I would get scared and cry from my mom to get me down. She never would she always said ?you go yourself up there you can get yourself down.? To this day I think it is one of the most important lessons I have ever been taught. You get yourself into a mess; you get yourself out of it.
FWIW I took a year off after one semester of college to work. When I went back I was a much more grounded and focused student. Learning about what life would be like sans a degree was a pretty important lesson.