When to get rid of a lovie

jallen76 · October 2011

I know this post may sound harsh...but this stinky doggie has to go. My DS will be 3 in a few weeks and he has a favorite doggie blanket that he chews/sucks on daily. In all honesty, it's his paci. It is a Carter's Doggie silky blanket that has a little rattle in it. I seriously have to wash it every other day because it stinks so badly. I soak it in vinegar, borax, bleach, soap, etc...(not all at the same time) and nothing works to get the smell out. He looks so pathetic chewing on the blanket. It is a comfort for him. It is like his cigerettes...he "needs" it. After he eats, when he watches TV, when he is tired...he needs his doggie fix. My DH would throw it away today and not care about DS. I know it is going to be a rough couple days when it is gone, but we'll get over it. Part of it is me thinking he needs it too. Part of me just wants to buy him the exact same doggie (I've found one on E-bay... but can't part with the $35) and have him chew it longer...part of me just wants to see it disappear on his third birthday...(our date we told him he has to get rid of it.) My mom says to let him keep it how ever long he wants it because it is his "oral fixation." If I take it away too soon, then we will have bigger issues later or he will start sucking his thumb, etc...I'm just rambling, looking for answers or advice. What did/would you do?

laney75 · October 2011

I'm not sure but we are in a similar situation. Our son's lovie is an otter named Frank. We actually have a backup Frank in a cabinet. Both are kind of gross and get washed periodically. Anyway, he doesn't suck on it, but he does sleep with it and he needs Frank when he's upset or tired. He watches TV with Frank. I do not plan on taking him away anytime soon, but am curious as to what others have done in this situation.

MAMAxB · October 2011

E has a lovie too (frog one) and I would die if we ever lost it, haha. Literally why did we not buy like 7 of them??? I cannot find the same one anywhere.

That being said - we only let her have it at nap time and - if we are traveling - in the car. I am hoping that will make it easier to "get rid of" someday. Maybe you can start telling him he's a big boy and only needs it for naps and gradually rid of it that way? Othewise, I might but go cold turkey. But I obviously don't have experience.

I have a nephew who is almost three and has his stuffed animal (actually 3 of them) that he always chews/sucks on and they smell... so whatever you do decide to do let me know so I can pass it on to my SIL

marriedinaugust · October 2011

My son sleeps with a blanket but it is only allowed in bed, it does not come out and my son sucks his thumb to go to sleep with it. My husband wants to get rid of the blanket to get rid of the thumb sucking. I am not in a rush to cut the thumb sucking at bedtime as he is only 17 months but I know at some time I will have to cut it.

For an older child I think you can do one of 3 things. -Take it away and that is that (I do not think this is the right answer). -Try to phase it out by making it stay in his bed. Then tell him it is in the washer and he can have it tomorrow night and stretch out the time and see if he will give it up. OR -Make it his decision. Let him trade it in for something. Like an awesome "big boy" toy. Good Luck!

kiwi443 · October 2011

My son has two lovies and he chews on one of them. They live in his crib, so I'm not in a hurry to get rid of them. If he's still attached by the time he goes to kindergarten, I might start to get worried

.

babypuplove · October 2011

That's too bad about the smell. I'm assuming you've soaked it in oxi clean? Even if you were to spend the $35, he most likely won't replace his old lovie with a new lookalike. We tried to replace DD's "Mr. Bunny" when she was one (she's 2.5 now), and now she has to have both of them at night. She noticed a difference between the two (clean and fluffy vs. old and scraggly), and refers to the newer one as "Uncle Bunny." Then MIL gave her a Mary Poppins doll who is now almost as important as Mr. Bunny. They go everywhere with her. *sigh*

I'm in the camp that lovies are fine as long as kids want them. It brings them comfort, but I do believe that once they are of a certain age (maybe 4 or so), then lovies should be limited to bed or home. As of now, we aren't getting rid of them anytime soon!

jallen76 · October 2011

KateB1984:

I would spend $35 for a washing rotation. I don't see the point in rushing getting rid of a lovey. That said, when DS1 was about 2.5 I made his blankie a bed-only lovey because it was getting dirty and was hard to get washed when something happened to it immediately before nap/bedtime and he couldn't sleep without it. Recently, his affections have somewhat changed to a stuffed wooly mammoth, but even at 4.5 he has never slept without that blankie. And (ahem) DS1 compulsively balls it up under his hips and rocks back and forth on it, which is also partly why it stays in his room now (we've talked about that being private). It's not sucking, but I thought it might make you feel better? lol

While I realize my DS could get over losing it (though I don't feel the need to - but we don't have a sucking problem) and be fine for the most part, I am grateful for it when he's sick, when he has a nightmare, when something happens in our lives to unsettle him. Having it to wrap his arms around, and seeing how he immediately relaxs a little, confirms to me that it's wonderful to have a tool to help young kids (even mine at 4.5) cope and self soothe.

That made me smile...not sure if I feel a whole lot better, but THANKS for sharing. Big Smile

I also feel the same way. Exactly. This is what is holding me back from getting rid of it. If he didn't suck on it, it wouldn't be an issue in my eyes.

It seems that I am in the same boat as a lot of you...About 6 months ago, I implemented the blanket in the bedroom only, and it worked for a while, but I didn't enforce it.

I feel like I need to put it back on him. Make it his decision. I love the suggestion of "switching it out for a big boy toy" of some sort. I love that. He's got two weeks to get rid of it.

Wish us luck!

Ilumine · October 2011

We have three "Bs" (we started out with 5..). My goal was always her 3rd bithday.

BUT, I am not going to cold turkey her. She can have it at home and in the car. But "B" must stay in the car when we go places. Then I will cut "B" down to only bed time and in the car (car rides tend to be long and she may nap).

And by 4, she will have to leave "B" in her room or if we go on a trip for longer than an hour and/or around nap time.

I will not take it totally away from her EVER. I still have a stuff toy that I got whan I was 3.

MainelyFoolish · October 2011

I would let him keep it for as long as he wants. It's normal for young children to have lovies they rely on for comfort. My DD's preschool encourages sending the child's lovey to school with them for the first few week to help with the transition. FWIW, my DD has a pink (now gray) bunny blanket with a rattle. It looks terrible but it's her thing and she'll keep it as long as she needs to. I can't imagine taking away a lovey from a 3 year old, no matter how worn or dirty it looks.

MainelyFoolish · October 2011

For those of you who said you only let your child have their lovey in their crib - that's what we did when DD was younger. It worked until she was around 2-1/2, then she became much more attached to it and wanted it with her all the time. Now bunny goes all sorts of places with us. The only restriction we have is that bunny has to stay in the car when we go shopping (after nearly losing her in a store once).

EnglishMajor03 · October 2011

I agree 100% w/ Mainely. Parker and Rowan both have lovies. Parker generally will bring Mr. Friend in the car but he doesn't make an appearance in a store. Everywhere else is free reign.

I don't want this to hurt anyone's feelings but there's no way a 3 year old is ready to give up something they hold so dear...to soothe and comfort them...it's so healthy for them to have these attachments. At 3 you really still have a baby on your hand, regardless of how old they seem.

JOEBunny · October 2011

I say never. I still have mine. I am 39 and have had it for 37 years. Yes, it lives in a closet and I have no idea where it is at this moment, but I am never getting rid of it. DD has one too, 6 of them actually. She used to take it everywhere, but now, not so much and it mostly lives in her bed.

jallen76 · October 2011

I agree with all of you...and really I don't want him to get rid of it...DD, who is almost 5, has a "favorite blanket" too...but SHE DOESN'T CHEW ON IT!

I really don't want him to get rid of it, but he is complicating the issue by sucking on it. I worry about his teeth, his oral hygine, his breath, I try to keep it clean, but it stays wet all the time, so it is just gross. And the smell...yikes!

BobbiJanay07 · October 2011

I am in the never camp, they let it go when ready. I still have my blanket and bear. I don't sleep with them still but I know where there at.

d&a914 · October 2011

DS has one but he doesn't suck on it. He actually never really put it in his mouth until DD was born, then he started putting everything in his mouth just like she does. He just chews on it occasionally, not sucking. DD, on the other hand, sucks on a blankie like a paci so I totally get the smell part!

We will probably not take DS's lovey away until he is maybe 4 or so. However, with DD I will probably take it away around 18 months because I took DS's paci away at that age. I think having a lovey is one thing but sucking on it is another. I am going to treat it just like a paci and just give her something else to love on and hope she doesn't start sucking it too.

We shall see!

JaneBeam · October 2011

I'm shocked at how many people want to throw them away! My brother gave me a blanket as a "gift" when I was born and I've had that blanket my whole life. I would never make DD get rid of her lovie.

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