Friend graduated before me (PG wise)

katib77 · October 2011

So I have three friends that I've been super close to since I was 12. One never wants to have kids, two have 2 year old girls and are both PG naturally with their second, and the fourth was dealing with IF. Since her Dx with IF was just a few months ago, I've been her source of information. I suggested here, but she felt she wanted her own place and got in with some other forum. That's fine, but I was still her go-to for questions. She just finished her second clomid/IUI cycle dealing with PCOS. Pregnant. And of course I'm happy for her, because anyone dealing with IF is my sister in dealing with this sh!t. But still I'm feeling rather numb.

I knew when her IUI date was so I know she'd have tested Sunday. She called on Monday but I avoided the call because DH had just walked in from work. And tonight I decided to call her back - very well knowing it could have been "I'm pregnant!" So I tried to brace myself for it. And we talked for 40 minutes after she told me. But I can't help but feel jealous. Not of the fact that she's PG and I'm not. But of the fact that she had insurance coverage and could so quickly try after getting Dx. We had to wait nine months...first to see if the MFI would lessen with treatments and then to save money for OOP treatment. We did the two IUIs and now we're on a 7 month break again waiting to afford it. AGAIN. She said if #2 didn't work they were going to break until the new year too for sanity. I somehow felt like, I don't know, as if it'd only be fair if she had to wait too. I feel like crying but nothing's happening. I kind of feel like a good cry would be theraputic...but nada. Oh, and I should be starting my period in the next 12 hours and moving on to cycle 32. Thirty-frickin-two! *Sigh* I'll just continue to pout and throw myself a little pity party over my lack of insurance coverage.

katib77 · October 2011

Well, now I know what will do the trick to get tears flowing. DH just walked in the door. Saying the words "Lauren's pregnant" did the trick. Tears streaming down the face.

You know what sucks? After her first IUI failed I gave her my blog address so she could read it. She said how much it helped knowing someone had been where she'd been. Now, I can't vent in a blog because I know she'll read it.

Jezebell26 · October 2011

Oh Kati im sorry

I definitely understand what you are saying. It is something everyone goes through on their IF journey, sometimes more than once. I wish you didn't have to wait so long and im sorry that you do. Your day will come, i just know it. You are a strong patient woman and i admire that. Hang in there!

katib77 · October 2011

You know what's wierd? I don't feel like this when any of you get PG from treatment. But with someone I've been friends with for 21 years I do? It's odd.

sbrowns08 · October 2011

I think all of your feelings are normal. ((hugs)) tonight. Like we IFers say all the time, it's not about her pregnancy, it's about your lack of pregnancy (or even the ability to cycle right now). You have every right to be sad about that.

farmerlynda · October 2011

katib77:
Well, now I know what will do the trick to get tears flowing. DH just walked in the door. Saying the words "Lauren's pregnant" did the trick. Tears streaming down the face.

You know what sucks? After her first IUI failed I gave her my blog address so she could read it. She said how much it helped knowing someone had been where she'd been. Now, I can't vent in a blog because I know she'll read it.

I'm so, so sorry Kati. (((hugs))) There's nothing I can say to take the hurt away but just know that these feelings are normal and hopefully your friend will understand if you need a little space for a while. And when you become a mommy, she owes you one heck of a baby shower gift!! It sucks that you can't write it in your blog but anytime you need to vent at least you can post here without her reading it.

Also, I don't mean to jinx your friend's pregnancy or anything (I would obviously never wish a miscarriage on anyone!), but it is still very, very early. I say this only because an unmarried friend of mine got pregnant accidentally a couple of months ago and I was really upset over it, partly because I was totally blindsided by the announcement. A few days later, she miscarried, and I felt like a huge jerk for being so jealous. You never know what will happen and luck can change very quickly. I hope that isn't the case for your friend -- but even pregnancy isn't a sure thing.

katib77 · October 2011

farmerlynda:
katib77:

Well, now I know what will do the trick to get tears flowing. DH just walked in the door. Saying the words "Lauren's pregnant" did the trick. Tears streaming down the face.

You know what sucks? After her first IUI failed I gave her my blog address so she could read it. She said how much it helped knowing someone had been where she'd been. Now, I can't vent in a blog because I know she'll read it.

I'm so, so sorry Kati. (((hugs))) There's nothing I can say to take the hurt away but just know that these feelings are normal and hopefully your friend will understand if you need a little space for a while. And when you become a mommy, she owes you one heck of a baby shower gift!! It sucks that you can't write it in your blog but anytime you need to vent at least you can post here without her reading it.

Also, I don't mean to jinx your friend's pregnancy or anything (I would obviously never wish a miscarriage on anyone!), but it is still very, very early. I say this only because an unmarried friend of mine got pregnant accidentally a couple of months ago and I was really upset over it, partly because I was totally blindsided by the announcement. A few days later, she miscarried, and I felt like a huge jerk for being so jealous. You never know what will happen and luck can change very quickly. I hope that isn't the case for your friend -- but even pregnancy isn't a sure thing.

Yes, I know...she said her first beta yesterday was 98 and she goes in tomorrow for her second. Sadly, I had to explain what they're looking for. And what might happen that they'd call her in for a third. She had not learned that info in the past five months on her community. Or the fact that they count it from two weeks prior to ovulation, for "how far along you are". Or that PG last 40 weeks! I don't know what site she was on (baby center or something) but clearly she didn't learn anything!!! I'm sure having to still "teach" her isn't helping matters.

kellyrn9956 · October 2011

farmerlynda:
katib77:

Well, now I know what will do the trick to get tears flowing. DH just walked in the door. Saying the words "Lauren's pregnant" did the trick. Tears streaming down the face.

You know what sucks? After her first IUI failed I gave her my blog address so she could read it. She said how much it helped knowing someone had been where she'd been. Now, I can't vent in a blog because I know she'll read it.

I'm so, so sorry Kati. (((hugs))) There's nothing I can say to take the hurt away but just know that these feelings are normal and hopefully your friend will understand if you need a little space for a while. And when you become a mommy, she owes you one heck of a baby shower gift!! It sucks that you can't write it in your blog but anytime you need to vent at least you can post here without her reading it.

Also, I don't mean to jinx your friend's pregnancy or anything (I would obviously never wish a miscarriage on anyone!), but it is still very, very early. I say this only because an unmarried friend of mine got pregnant accidentally a couple of months ago and I was really upset over it, partly because I was totally blindsided by the announcement. A few days later, she miscarried, and I felt like a huge jerk for being so jealous. You never know what will happen and luck can change very quickly. I hope that isn't the case for your friend -- but even pregnancy isn't a sure thing.

Katib, I am so sorry. That sucks major a**. I think it IS harder when it's someone you know personally, b/c you will have to watch her through her pregnancy, and deal with it once she has the baby.

But I also will second what FarmerLynda says above. When I had my m/c, a coworker was pregnant (we had very close-together due dates). It was horrid being around her all the time, knowing she was continuing her pregnancy and I wasn't. I actually avoided her for awhile. She lost her baby at 21 weeks. PTL that they couldn't stop. I felt like a total a** for being so jealous.

farmerlynda · October 2011

katib77:
farmerlynda:
katib77:

Well, now I know what will do the trick to get tears flowing. DH just walked in the door. Saying the words "Lauren's pregnant" did the trick. Tears streaming down the face.

You know what sucks? After her first IUI failed I gave her my blog address so she could read it. She said how much it helped knowing someone had been where she'd been. Now, I can't vent in a blog because I know she'll read it.

I'm so, so sorry Kati. (((hugs))) There's nothing I can say to take the hurt away but just know that these feelings are normal and hopefully your friend will understand if you need a little space for a while. And when you become a mommy, she owes you one heck of a baby shower gift!! It sucks that you can't write it in your blog but anytime you need to vent at least you can post here without her reading it.

Also, I don't mean to jinx your friend's pregnancy or anything (I would obviously never wish a miscarriage on anyone!), but it is still very, very early. I say this only because an unmarried friend of mine got pregnant accidentally a couple of months ago and I was really upset over it, partly because I was totally blindsided by the announcement. A few days later, she miscarried, and I felt like a huge jerk for being so jealous. You never know what will happen and luck can change very quickly. I hope that isn't the case for your friend -- but even pregnancy isn't a sure thing.

Yes, I know...she said her first beta yesterday was 98 and she goes in tomorrow for her second. Sadly, I had to explain what they're looking for. And what might happen that they'd call her in for a third. She had not learned that info in the past five months on her community. Or the fact that they count it from two weeks prior to ovulation, for "how far along you are". Or that PG last 40 weeks! I don't know what site she was on (baby center or something) but clearly she didn't learn anything!!! I'm sure having to still "teach" her isn't helping matters.

Wow that must be really frustrating! I'm surprised that she didn't learn more from dealing with this for 5 months.

It's wonderful of you to keep taking care of her... but remember to take care of yourself too, and don't do more than you're able to!

dragontears507 · October 2011

cinciem:
I'm sorry. I have heard it described as feeling like someone is skipping ahead in line.

Yes

megmacp · October 2011

I am so so sorry!!!! IF sucks and just seems to be so unfair. I also think that OOP makes IF hurt that much more. Not to mention when you have to stop treatments due to the cost. I hope you give yourself a good pity party and take a few days to be sad or jealous. ((((((((HUGS)))))))) And I really hope your night gets better one way or another.

Gregermis · October 2011

FU IF! It does some pretty awful stuff to us ((((HUGS))))

carlaws · October 2011

Even when you wish the best for your friends, getting lapped stinks. Every time.

SO TRUE!

I'm so sorry, and unfortunately I can relate. I hate feeling jealous of my friends. IF can suck it!

hootie123 · October 2011

Your feelings are completely understandable and normal. I know I would feel the same way if I was in a similar situation. MFI makes everything that much harder. ((hugs))

eponine7682 · October 2011

I'm sorry. It's always hard, especially when the person has either A. not dealt with IF, or B. not dealt with it long.

I am hoping a friend of mine gets KU before me...she has dealt with IF for at least a year longer then myself. I know she will be happy for me if/when it happens if it does before her because DH and I have been dealing with it a long time ourselves, but I also know she will be jealous and hurting and I hope she doesn;t have to experience that. It's just natural though. IF sucks no matter what. Anyways, your feelings are justified hun.

CuteBride8808 · October 2011

Im so sorry you are feeling this way. I can totally relate. My IF buddy got pregnant on her first clomid/IUI cycle and now I just feel like Im alone again in the IF struggle. I'm grateful that you all are so supportive! You probably just need some time to "grieve" the news of her pregnancy and hopefully you will feel better. *hugs*

blueberries8 · October 2011

(((hugs))) I definitely know how you feel, and you can be genuinely happy for her but at the same time sorry for yourself. Also, maybe this is weird, but sometimes when other IFers get pregnant in a shorter time period/fewer treatments, I think it can be harder to deal with than if a fertile friend announces her pregnancy. I've felt for a long time now like fertile women who get pg naturally are in a different league from me, so I don't compare myself, but I am comparing myself always to other IFers, if that makes any sense.

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