After months of being "ok"....a mental breakdown =( (long vent)

ScorpioWifey77 · September 2011

I'm sorry...I truly have no one IRL who would undertand why this would upset me so much...

I finally was able to cope and socialize with my friends who just had babys (as recently as July) and not have them feel they needed to walk on egg shells around me, I could hold their babies without crying...hell I could even talk about my diagnosis without crying (as long as I didn't elaborate too much)...Thanks to my therapist.

Then, I get this email from a friend who is helping plan a fundraiser for my donor egg cycle...

"A few things, first how do people get tickets to the bounce event?
Also, I just want to confirm that I'm going to do a wine basket for the Chinese raffle thing.
Anything else that you can think of?
Now here is the part I have been avoiding. I went back and forth on how to talk to you, email, text, phone call. I love you and would never want to be another person who makes you feel like ***. I feel so guilty, but I can't keep it a secret, I'm pregnant. I'm sorry. I hate being that girl. Please don't hate me. I promise not to talk about it, bragging or bitching and if it's a boy, you can totally have him. Or Luca, luca is supercute, he could be fun, and potty trained by may too. Hopefully I managed a small smile through the hurt. We don't even need to talk about it again after this, I just didn't want to not tell you and you just eventually find out randomly. I have too much respect for you to do that.
Love you,
*friend*"

The laptop was still open to that message this morning...I read it and walked away trying to stay calm, by time I got to my bedroom I lost it...I was hysterical, my husband asked what was wrong and I told *blahblah* is pregnant--she has 2 kids already and I remember when she got pg with her first!! Why can I have just one!?!?!

Yea, I didn't sleep at all last night. =(

Cissi64 · September 2011

I'm so sorry this happened to you! Sometimes the people who are trying to be nice hurt the most. At least with the clueless who brag and complain about what you want most in the world, you feel a little justified in avoiding thema or even hating them a little.

butterfly843 · September 2011

((hugs))

lavril · September 2011

Oh honey - I'm so so sorry. That must have been awful for you to see. I don't know why it's so easy for some and so f*ing difficult for others. Big giant (((HUGS))) to you.

I know it totally sucks, but I'm glad your friend told you instead of letting you hear it elsewhere. I know it doesn't numb the pain, but I'm glad you had that time to cry and be alone instead of it being sprung on you in public.

More huge (((((HUGS))))) your way.

cutebride73 · October 2011

I am so sorry (((hugs))). I know it's super hard to hear that, no matter what. I do think it's better that she told you, but it's still really, really hard to hear. I am terrified that a friend of mine will announce that she is pregnant with what would be her 3rd. She had her 2nd in between my first two losses (mine were b2b). Even going to her son's 1st birthday later this month may kill me. It just sucks that it is so easy for some people. Although, I would certainly never wish all of this on anyone.

CashewsMommy · October 2011

buckeyebaby814 · October 2011

::HUGS:: I can't even imagine how difficult that must be for you. Even as thoughtful as she tried to be with your feelings, it still hurts.

Carolee · October 2011

Big (((HUGS)))

sgrobste · October 2011

I am so sorry...that is so hard being caught off guard. Just remember that it is ok to be happy and go lucky one minute and completely break down the next and allow yourself to feel like that. BIG ((HUGS))