Mother-in-law drama

The Creative Homestead · October 2011

Does your mother-in-law want to come help or stay with you when the baby is born? Did you want her to and did you find it helpful? Or would you rather say no?

Any horror stories?

www.TheCreativeHomestead.com

MrsL1022 · October 2011

My MIL is the least helpful/nurturing person alive. She came for a WEEK. It was painful. DH and I have agreed that for the next kid she can come 'help' for a few days but a week is excessive. I don't think you can say no outright depending on the relationship she has with DH but you can absolutely limit the time OR maybe you can say if you want to come for a week that is fine but 1/2 the time must be spent at a hotel. Perhaps that will be easier to handle? I locked myself in my room with the baby A LOT while she was here. I also made sure my mom came immediately after DS being born and she stayed for 2 weeks so the baby was 3 weeks before MIL invaded and that helped too. GL it's tricky but I was able to keep MIL at bey for a few weeks it helped a lot.

mingaling2 · October 2011

My MIL was wonderful. She is super conscious about boundaries and was just so helpful the whole time. Cooked, cleaned, let us sleep, held her when she fussed, etc. My FIL bought us groceries so we didn't have to worry about that either.

My own mother, on the other hand, was kind of useless. She made dinner one night, but other than that all she wanted to do was take the baby into the guest room and spend "alone" time with her (and was annoyed when I had to BF and interrupt them). Whatever.

tmhopkins13 · October 2011

My MIL is one of the worst ever and she's older and she's more of a bother than a help-I could go on and on about how awful it is but like someone else said she came and I locked myself in a room most of the time-she's currently here now and let me just say major PITA!!! When she came after our last son was born she insisted to my DH that she was coming to help and she can't even change a diaper so I offered to show her and she said she wasn't interested-then the following day DH tried to get me to leave the baby with her and I said she can't even change a diaper to which she replied I can do it if you just show me-uh didn't I try and show you yesterday? She does that a lot-she's a liar and very manipulative.

slwprincess · October 2011

My MIL is a saint of a woman. So is my own mother. Both of them came and stayed with me for at least a week after each baby. I don't think I can ever repay either of them for that. But I know that I am blessed an not everyone has that kind of relationship w/ their mom/MIL. I always tell people to accept help whenever it is offered... BUT, if its gonna stress you out, then at least dictate the terms of WHEN they come and what they do.

MSquires100 · October 2011

As others have said you really have to assess the relationship you (and your DH)have with your MIL and remember she is the baby's grandma whether we like it or not

Both of my parents are deceased, and thank goodness I've been blessed with amazing in-laws. Unfortunatley with MJD arrivng a month early, we didn't end up having any help due the first few weeks just with some much that had been already planned in the summer. It wasn't as though I was going to tell them to cancel their plans, my baby is here But either when I went there or they came for short visits they were extremely helpful. On the flip side when my MIL went to stay with my BIL in CO once their child was born, it was a nightmare, because they didn't set up any expectations of what she would do to help, and my sweet SIL was insistent on cleaning, cooking and doing everything around the house. So my MIL was left just sitting around feeling useless, it wasn't pretty.

SO my best advice, set up expectations of what you want them to do - cooking, cleaning, etc. and stick to it. Good luck!

frlcb · October 2011

Are you asking this for your own curiosity? I have to say that the way you phrase questions makes me think you are compiling answers for some other reason rather than to appease your questions.

FortMyersBride · October 2011

I have to agree with frlcb, the phrasing sounds like when the bump moderators come around asking for pregnancy/birth/etc stories. Are you writing something?

myrall · October 2011

frlcb:
Are you asking this for your own curiosity? I have to say that the way you phrase questions makes me think you are compiling answers for some other reason rather than to appease your questions.

Thank God you said this. I've had my own suspicions, as well.

rara855 · October 2011

myrall:
frlcb:
Are you asking this for your own curiosity? I have to say that the way you phrase questions makes me think you are compiling answers for some other reason rather than to appease your questions.
Thank God you said this. I've had my own suspicions, as well.

Yes, yes. I couldn't place if it was all for the blog hits or something else. It's all to hot topic question of the week-ish.

K&P414 · October 2011

myrall:

frlcb:
Are you asking this for your own curiosity? I have to say that the way you phrase questions makes me think you are compiling answers for some other reason rather than to appease your questions.

Thank God you said this. I've had my own suspicions, as well.

Me too and I was really confused why nobody else had said anything about it.

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